Reflections of Better Choices

...What Could I Have Done Better?...

A man revisits a fractured friendship, examining past decisions and discovering how regret can pave the way for redemption.

What Could I Have Done Better?

The letter arrived on a quiet Monday morning, sandwiched between bills and advertisements. At first, Satoshi thought it was junk mail until he noticed the handwriting—neat, deliberate, and unmistakably familiar.

It was from Naoki, his childhood best friend, someone he hadn’t spoken to in over a decade. The letter was brief, just a few lines:

Satoshi, I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me when we were younger. I don’t think I ever said it enough. I hope life is treating you well.

There was no return address, no way to respond. Satoshi stared at the letter, the words stirring a deep unease.

Naoki’s thanks felt misplaced. If anything, Satoshi had always believed he had failed Naoki.

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Ghosts of the Past

Growing up, Naoki had been the shy, awkward kid who rarely spoke unless spoken to. Satoshi, more outgoing and confident, had taken him under his wing. They were inseparable through their teenage years, navigating school, first crushes, and countless hours at the arcade.

But as they grew older, their paths began to diverge. Satoshi thrived, earning a scholarship to university and diving headfirst into a promising career in tech. Naoki, on the other hand, struggled—dropping out of school, bouncing between jobs, and withdrawing from the world.

Satoshi had tried to stay in touch at first, sending texts and invitations that went unanswered. Over time, life got busy, and the calls stopped.

Now, holding the letter, Satoshi couldn’t shake the question: What could I have done better?

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Unfinished Conversations

That evening, Satoshi sat on his balcony, the city lights sprawling out below him. He thought back to the last time he and Naoki had spoken.

It had been a rainy afternoon years ago. Naoki had come to him, visibly anxious, talking about how lost he felt—how he didn’t see a future for himself. Satoshi had listened but didn’t know what to say. He remembered offering some generic advice about perseverance and staying positive.

Naoki had nodded politely, thanked him, and left. They hadn’t spoken since.

In hindsight, Satoshi realized how dismissive he had been. Naoki hadn’t needed advice; he had needed someone to truly hear him.

Why didn’t I do more?

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A Mirror to Himself

Satoshi began to notice how often he avoided difficult conversations. At work, he delegated tasks without checking if his team was overwhelmed. With his family, he nodded through his mother’s worries without addressing them.

Even with himself, he realized, he avoided the hard truths. His life was successful on paper—a high-paying job, a modern apartment, and a steady relationship—but it often felt hollow.

He wondered if his inability to confront others’ struggles stemmed from his own discomfort with vulnerability. Was his failure with Naoki part of a larger pattern?

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Searching for Clarity

Determined to understand, Satoshi sought out people who had known Naoki. He visited their old neighborhood, reconnecting with classmates and mutual friends.

From them, he pieced together fragments of Naoki’s life after they lost touch. He learned about the challenges Naoki faced—mental health struggles, financial instability, and an isolating sense of failure.

But he also heard stories of resilience. Naoki had started volunteering at a local library, helping kids with their homework. He had taken up painting, using art as a way to express what words couldn’t.

“He always spoke highly of you,” one old friend said. “Said you were one of the only people who ever believed in him.”

The words cut deeper than Satoshi expected.

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Facing Himself

Satoshi began to ask himself questions he had long avoided:

Why had he let their friendship drift away?

Was it fear of being pulled into Naoki’s struggles?

Or was it the guilt of not knowing how to help?

The truth, he realized, was both. He had been too caught up in his own life to make space for Naoki’s pain. It was easier to let the distance grow than to confront the messy, uncomfortable reality of what his friend was going through.

What could I have done better? The question haunted him, but now it carried a different weight. It wasn’t just about Naoki—it was about who Satoshi wanted to be moving forward.

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Steps Toward Redemption

Inspired by Naoki’s letter, Satoshi decided to act. He couldn’t change the past, but he could ensure he didn’t repeat its mistakes.

He started small—reaching out to friends he hadn’t spoken to in years, asking how they were, and truly listening to their answers. At work, he began mentoring junior employees, taking the time to understand their struggles and aspirations.

He also volunteered at a mental health organization, learning how to support others in ways he hadn’t known how to before. The experience humbled him, showing him how little he had understood about Naoki’s pain.

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A Visit to the Past

Months later, Satoshi found himself standing outside the library where Naoki had volunteered. Inside, he found a small gallery displaying some of Naoki’s paintings.

The colors were vivid, the brushstrokes raw and emotional. Each piece seemed to tell a story—of pain, resilience, and quiet hope.

As Satoshi stood there, a librarian approached him.

“You’re Satoshi, aren’t you?” she asked.

He nodded, surprised.

“Naoki talked about you often. He said you were his anchor when everything else felt uncertain.”

Tears welled up in Satoshi’s eyes. For years, he had carried the guilt of not doing enough, but perhaps he had mattered more than he realized.

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Moving Forward

The letter remained on Satoshi’s desk, a constant reminder of the lessons Naoki had unknowingly taught him.

“What could I have done better?” was no longer just a question about the past. It was a guiding principle for the future—a call to be present, to care deeply, and to act with intention.

Satoshi knew he couldn’t erase his mistakes, but he could honor Naoki’s memory by living differently. And in that commitment, he found a sense of peace he hadn’t felt in years.

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