The Question of Desire

                          What Do I Want?

A journey into self-discovery as a young professional confronts the gap between ambition and fulfillment, uncovering the essence of true desire.

What Do I Want?

Daiki slumped in his office chair, staring at the spreadsheet glowing on his monitor. Numbers blurred into meaninglessness, rows and columns forming an endless labyrinth. Outside the glass windows of the 17th floor, Kyoto hummed with life, but it felt distant—an entire world removed from his tiny cubicle.

His phone buzzed on the desk. It was a group chat notification, filled with the familiar jokes and plans of his friends. Dinner, karaoke, or maybe just drinks at a bar. He glanced at the message but didn’t respond.

Instead, he leaned back and let out a quiet sigh. What am I even doing?

At 32, Daiki had achieved everything he thought he wanted. A stable job at a prestigious firm. A sleek apartment in the city. A salary that allowed him to splurge on designer watches and Michelin-starred meals. His parents were proud, his colleagues respected him.

But every day felt like a treadmill, running but going nowhere.

...----------------...

Routine

Daiki’s mornings were predictable to the second. Wake up at 6:30. Gym for an hour. Coffee on the way to work. Eight hours of meetings, emails, and reports. A 7 PM train ride home, where he’d eat dinner in front of the TV, scroll through Instagram, and fall asleep before midnight.

He wasn’t unhappy, but he wasn’t happy either. His life felt... neutral. Like background noise.

Occasionally, he’d hear from an old university friend, someone who had taken a different path—traveling, starting a business, pursuing a creative career. Their stories fascinated and unsettled him. They seemed alive in a way he wasn’t.

When Daiki tried to talk about this with his colleagues, they shrugged. “This is just how it is,” one said. “Life isn’t supposed to be exciting all the time.”

But was it supposed to feel this hollow?

...----------------...

The Question

The turning point came on a rainy Saturday. Daiki had planned to stay in, maybe order takeout and binge a new series. But a notification popped up on his phone: a reminder for an alumni networking event he’d signed up for weeks ago and forgotten about.

He almost ignored it, but something pulled him out the door.

The event was crowded and loud, held in a swanky hotel ballroom. Daiki hated small talk, but he forced himself to engage. That’s when he met Itsuki.

Itsuki wasn’t remarkable in appearance—late 30s, slightly disheveled, wearing a blazer that didn’t quite fit. But there was something in his energy, a quiet confidence that drew people in.

They talked over drinks, and Daiki learned that Itsuki had once been a corporate worker too. Then, five years ago, he’d quit to start a nonprofit teaching underprivileged kids how to code.

“It wasn’t easy,” Itsuki admitted. “I burned through my savings, and there were times I thought I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. But I wake up every morning knowing why I’m doing what I do. That makes all the difference.”

Daiki felt a pang of envy. Itsuki had found his "why."

On the train ride home, the question that had been simmering in Daiki’s mind finally surfaced fully: What do I want?

...----------------...

Searching

Daiki didn’t quit his job the next day. He didn’t make any dramatic changes, at least not outwardly. But something shifted internally.

He started reading books he’d normally dismiss—memoirs of entrepreneurs, essays on happiness, even poetry. He spent weekends walking through parks or sitting in cafés, journaling about his childhood dreams.

He realized he hadn’t asked himself what he wanted since he was 16, when he dreamed of being a filmmaker. Back then, his parents had called it a “hobby,” not a career. So he’d buried that dream and focused on practicality.

But practicality had led him here: a life that looked good from the outside but felt empty on the inside.

...----------------...

Small Steps

One evening, Daiki signed up for a filmmaking workshop. He told himself it was just for fun, a way to fill his evenings. But as he held the camera, piecing together shots and crafting a story, something inside him clicked.

He began spending every spare moment on creative projects. Short films. Scriptwriting. Editing tutorials on YouTube. He even started sharing his work online.

At first, he was terrified of judgment. Would people think he was foolish for pursuing something so impractical? But the response surprised him. His friends were supportive, and strangers commented on his videos, saying they resonated.

For the first time in years, Daiki felt a spark of excitement when he woke up in the morning.

...----------------...

The Leap

After a year of juggling his job and his passion, Daiki faced a choice. He could stay on the safe path, climbing the corporate ladder, or he could take a leap into the unknown.

He chose the latter.

Quitting wasn’t easy. His parents were worried, his colleagues shocked. But Daiki felt a strange sense of peace. He knew he was trading stability for uncertainty, but he also knew he couldn’t go back to the way things were.

...----------------...

A Life Rewritten

The first year was hard. Daiki worked freelance gigs to make ends meet, often doubting himself late at night. But he kept going, driven by the question that had changed everything: What do I want?

He realized the answer wasn’t a single destination. It was a process—a constant reevaluation of his values, his passions, his purpose.

Now, at 35, Daiki still doesn’t have all the answers. But his days are filled with creativity, with challenges that excite rather than drain him. He’s not rich, but he’s content.

And every morning, as he picks up his camera or sits down to edit, he asks himself again: What do I want today?

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