Chapter 4

*yawn*, I stood up sloppily and rubbed my eyes, suddenly the recollection of everything that happened yesterday came back to me at full force.

I stood up and went to Rebecca's full body mirror and stared at the reflection of myself.

Looking at my puffy red eyes that came due to intense crying, the dark circles around my eyes, and the depressed look on my face, I thought,

'Hah, why would anyone like an ugly trash like me, it doesn't matter whether he is gay or not, no one will ever like a girl like me'.

The thought of Dimitri kissing that guys resurfaced in my mind. I clenched my chest feeling immense pain.

'Why?!, Why?!, Why?!, Why?!!, Why?!!!, why do I feel so unloved?'. Before I knew it, tears started to fall from my eyes again. Knowing that my crying won't make him love me, I cleaned my tears.

I went to her bathroom and took a long bath trying to wash away the pain I was feeling, it was so suffocating. Rebecca arrived after I had worn my clothes with some food.

We just sat down and ate without any talk. I was really grateful for this because I didn't want to remember it. She patted my hair trying to calm me down and eventually I did.

After the meal, I felt a little better and decided to go home so as to prevent my parents from worrying about me.

When we entered the house, I saw them rushing out and asked "Mum, dad where are you going?". They looked up simultaneously then my dad said,

"I'm so sorry that we couldn't stay long, we just got a call saying that there is an emergency at work, we can't do anything about it so please forgive us."

I hated this, I hated the fact that I couldn't confess to Dimitri, I hated the fact that my parents couldn't be with me for a long time and I hated the fact that I attended that freshman party.

I wanted them to stay but I couldn't be so selfish to keep them of their job, I nodded at them and they smiled slightly and headed to the car.

I looked up feeling lonely, Rebecca went as soon as she dropped me home saying she had something important to take care of, I had absolutely zero chance with Dimitri because of my gender.

And my parents left the time I was feeling so down. I crouched on the floor holding my knees, I felt so lonely.

I felt like crying, I felt like destroying things, but I didn't even have enough energy to do either of them. I felt like crap.

I dragged myself upstairs to my room, I really don't want to fall in love again, it really hurts to see the one you love with another.

And to think I was happy when he wasn't talking with girls, what a joke, I laughed because I felt that I couldn't do any other thing than laugh.

School was starting the next two days, but I feel so bad. I laid on the bed with my back and stared at the ceiling, I hope school will be better than my life.

Sleep came to me in a flash, I dreamt of the children again but this I had a clear look of the girl, I gasped and woke up, then thought,

'Holy cow, how can that be, she really can't, I can't believe that the girl from the dream I had since is ME.

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