Shadows of the Past

The days that followed Thomas’s tentative agreement to try had an almost surreal quality. Life in the palace continued as it always had—nobles whispering in corridors, servants bustling about, and the weight of politics and responsibility looming over everyone. But for Thomas, everything felt different. The walls of the palace seemed closer, more suffocating, as though the very stones were watching him, waiting for him to make the next move.

He hadn’t seen much of Alexander since their conversation in his chambers. The king was busy with affairs of state, and Thomas had thrown himself back into his duties, trying to ignore the thoughts that churned relentlessly in his mind. But no matter how much he tried to push it all away, he couldn’t forget the feel of Alexander’s hand on his cheek, the vulnerability in the king’s eyes when he’d asked for a chance.

Thomas stood in the practice yard, the late afternoon sun casting long shadows over the courtyard. His sword glinted in the light as he swung it with practiced precision, each strike a release of the tension that had been building inside him for days. But no matter how many times his blade connected with the training dummy, the knot in his chest refused to loosen.

“Still trying to fight what you can’t control?” A voice broke through his concentration, and Thomas turned to see one of the other knights, Sir Aldric, watching him with a knowing smirk.

Thomas grunted in response, lowering his sword but not sheathing it. “I don’t have time for your riddles, Aldric.”

Aldric chuckled, stepping closer. He was a tall, broad-shouldered man, older than Thomas, and he’d served in the king’s guard for years. “No riddles, just observations. You’ve been different lately, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why.”

Thomas’s jaw clenched. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t.” Aldric leaned against the fence, crossing his arms. “But everyone else does. You and the king. The whispers are getting louder.”

Thomas felt a surge of irritation, but he forced himself to stay calm. “Let them whisper. It doesn’t matter.”

Aldric raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t it? You may be a knight, Thomas, but you’re also the king’s husband now. Whether you like it or not, that puts you in the center of attention.”

Thomas sheathed his sword, the tension in his shoulders increasing. “I never wanted this attention. I never wanted any of this.”

“I know,” Aldric said, his tone softening. “But it’s your reality now. You can’t keep running from it.”

Thomas shook his head, feeling the familiar weight of frustration settle in his chest. “I’m not running.”

“Aren’t you?” Aldric’s gaze was piercing, as though he could see straight through Thomas’s defenses. “You’ve been trying to avoid Alexander since the wedding. It’s obvious to anyone paying attention.”

Thomas opened his mouth to argue, but the words died on his lips. Aldric wasn’t wrong. He had been avoiding the king, trying to keep his distance, even after he’d agreed to try. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to honor his promise to Julie—he did. But every time he thought about Alexander, a storm of conflicting emotions surged inside him, and he didn’t know how to deal with any of it.

“I don’t know how to be what he wants,” Thomas admitted quietly, surprising himself with the confession. “I don’t know how to stop hating him.”

Aldric studied him for a moment before sighing. “No one’s asking you to stop hating him, Thomas. But maybe you need to figure out what it is you hate so much. Is it him? Or is it this situation you’ve been forced into?”

Thomas blinked, caught off guard by the question. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about it in those terms. For so long, he had directed all of his anger and resentment toward Alexander, blaming him for everything—Julie’s death, the forced marriage, the loss of his freedom. But now, standing here with Aldric’s words echoing in his mind, he wasn’t so sure.

“Think about it,” Aldric said, pushing off the fence and clapping Thomas on the shoulder. “And when you’re ready, maybe talk to him. It might help.”

Thomas watched Aldric walk away, his mind swirling with thoughts he didn’t want to face. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to confront his feelings, let alone talk to Alexander about them. But the truth was, he couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine.

That night, as he lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling, Thomas’s thoughts drifted back to Julie. He could still remember the last time he saw her, pale and frail, lying in her bed, her once-bright eyes dull with sickness. Her voice had been so soft when she asked him to take care of Alexander, to make sure he wasn’t alone after she was gone.

He had agreed because he couldn’t deny her anything in her final moments. But now, lying there in the darkness, he wondered if she had seen something in Alexander that he hadn’t. Maybe she had known that beneath the king’s cruelty and coldness, there was something more—something that even Thomas hadn’t wanted to see.

The door to his chambers creaked open, and Thomas’s heart leapt into his throat as he saw Alexander standing in the doorway, his expression unreadable. For a moment, neither of them spoke, the silence stretching between them like a chasm.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” Alexander said quietly, stepping into the room.

Thomas sat up, his heart racing. “What do you want?”

The king hesitated, his gaze flickering to the floor before meeting Thomas’s eyes. “I wanted to talk. About us.”

Thomas felt his chest tighten. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this conversation, but he knew it was inevitable. “There is no ‘us,’ Alexander. We’re just… bound together because of Julie.”

Alexander’s jaw clenched, and for a moment, Thomas thought he saw a flash of hurt in the king’s eyes. “Is that really what you believe?”

“What else is there to believe?” Thomas snapped, his frustration bubbling to the surface. “You’ve done nothing but control me. Control everyone. You think just because you’re the king, you can take whatever you want.”

“I never wanted to take anything from you, Thomas.” Alexander’s voice was low, but there was an intensity in it that made Thomas pause. “But I’ve made mistakes. I know that. And I can’t change the past. But I don’t want this—this constant anger and hatred between us.”

Thomas stood up, facing Alexander, his emotions swirling. “What do you want, then? What do you expect me to do?”

Alexander took a step closer, his eyes softening in a way Thomas hadn’t seen before. “I want us to try, Thomas. Not just for Julie, but for ourselves.”

Thomas’s breath caught in his throat, his heart pounding in his chest. For a moment, he didn’t know what to say. He had been so consumed by his anger, by his hatred for the situation, that he hadn’t allowed himself to consider the possibility of anything else.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Thomas whispered, his voice trembling.

“You don’t have to decide right now,” Alexander said softly, his hand reaching out to gently touch Thomas’s arm. “But when you’re ready… I’ll be here.”

With that, the king turned and left the room, leaving Thomas standing there, his mind a whirlwind of confusion and doubt.

For the first time, Thomas wondered if there was a future for them—something more than duty and resentment. But the road ahead was uncertain, and Thomas wasn’t sure if he had the strength to walk it.

To Be Continued...

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