Melodies of Despair

In Tokyo, summer of 2001, the air is thick with the scent of sweat and tension. A song by Lily Chou Chou fills my small room. I lie on the bed, staring at the ceiling, which is peeling from the humidity. The song "Glide" seeps into my ears, reminding me of everything. Everything I’ve lost, everything that’s slipped away in this life.

My name is Haru, and I’m a high school student, but I barely feel alive. School feels like a prison. Everyone bullies me. Each day is a battle for survival, a struggle to endure in this dark world. I feel trapped in this miserable neighborhood, where everyone suffers, and everyone fights.

At school, the gang controls everything. Ryuuji is the gang leader, and everyone fears him. I saw him for the first time sitting at the end of the hallway, lighting a cigarette and talking.

Ryuuji sat at the end of the corridor, his eyes locked on me as if he were challenging me without uttering a word. A shiver of fear ran through my body. The other kids were gathered around him, laughing at what seemed like a joke I couldn’t hear, but I knew I was the target. Even without hearing, I knew he was talking about me. The bullying had become a regular part of my life. There was always someone picking on me, whether with words that left invisible scars or silent punches that left no visible marks.

“Haru!” A sudden shout snapped me out of my thoughts. I turned to see my teacher, Mr. Tanaka, approaching quickly. He was a middle-aged man, always dressed in an old suit, and his face always looked tired. “You’re late again, come to my office after class.” I ignored it, as if I lived in a parallel world. I was always late, and there were always deeper reasons than just sleepiness or neglect.

When the class ended, I walked through the empty hallways and turned toward the school window. The sun was slowly setting, and the sky was a mix of pink and orange. This view of the sunset always reminded me of loneliness. Something about it made me think of the things I couldn’t escape, of the sadness that lived in me every day.

..."We live among people, but we live alone. We are trapped inside our minds, where words are just noise, and emotions are mere ghosts hovering."...

When I reached the teacher’s office, he was already there, sitting behind his desk. He didn’t look at me directly, but I could feel the weight, the heaviness of the words he was about to say. “Haru…” His voice was as tired as his face. “You know I can’t keep defending you. If you keep being late, and if you don’t start improving your grades, it’ll be out of my hands.”

I knew what was coming next. The same words I’d heard hundreds of times. “You’re smart, Haru, you have potential, but you’re not using it.” He spoke, but my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about Ryuuji, and how my life had become hell because of him.

I left the office without a word, heading to the school’s back yard. The place was empty, the dim light of the setting sun casting a mysterious atmosphere over everything. I sat on one of the worn-out benches and pulled out my CD player. I pressed play, and Lily Chou Chou’s song began to play, taking me away from everything. Away from the pain, away from school, away from the bullying.

..."In the end, we search for voices to pull us out of the depths of darkness. But sometimes, even music isn’t enough."...

I listened to the song as I gazed at the sky. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of sadness I couldn’t swim in. Everything was getting worse. That day, when I returned home, I found my father in the living room, drinking and silently watching TV. My mother had left years ago, leaving us in this empty house. My father had been changing slowly since her departure, but he had become a completely different person. Each day that passed made him angrier, more distant from me.

I went up to my room, closed the door behind me, and threw my bag in the corner. I sat on the bed, turned off the lights, and let the darkness envelop me. It felt like I was disappearing into that darkness, like I wasn’t here. All I wanted was to disappear, to become part of nothingness.

The day passed slowly, and I barely slept that night. In the morning, I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. It was a call from Yuka, my only friend. She said she wanted to meet me at Yoyogi Park and that she had something important to tell me. I wasn’t ready to leave the house, but I felt like I couldn’t refuse her request.

When I arrived at the park, Yuka was sitting under our usual big tree. She looked different today. She was quieter than usual, as if she was carrying a heavy secret weighing down her heart. I sat beside her in silence, unable to start the conversation. After a few moments, she looked at me and said in a soft voice, “Haru, there’s something you need to know...”

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