One Versus Oneself

Gymnasium, 8:21 PM
The four of them had finished their last set upon Kuroo's request. Or, well, command.
Tsukishima and Akaashi were practically against it, but Kuroo managed to sway them with his "charming", also known as pushy and annoying personality.
Tsukishima was sat down on the wooden floor, tired and breathless.
He regretted not working on developing a larger stamina capacity earlier.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Hey, four-eyes.
Tsukishima lifted his head up. He could almost see stars. Except the "star" in front of him right now would probably burn his eyes and blind him.
Kuroo continued.
Kuroo
Kuroo
I noticed something about you.
Kuroo sat beside him on the floor.
Kuroo
Kuroo
You may not realize it yourself, but...
Kuroo stopped. Tsukishima was confused.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
What?
Kuroo
Kuroo
But all that comes out from your mouth is Hinata.
Kuroo spoke in a serious tone. He completely took Tsukishima off guard.
Akaashi stole a glance at the two sitting on the ground. He was a bit concerned. Akaashi didn't know where their conversation would lead to.
Bokuto and Akaashi could hear them talk, but neither didn't want to interfere. Not yet.
Akaashi only planned to make his move if any of them began to worsen the situation at hand. So, they just pretended they didn't hear anything.
But they were doing a terrible job at acting. Bokuto never considered the show business, anyway.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Whenever I point out your, well, lack of skills and half-assed blocking...
Tsukishima made a face.
He knew Kuroo was exaggerating everything, but even so, Tsukishima didn't like it.
Kuroo
Kuroo
That self-doubt of yours will get you nowhere.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Nowhere but, probably, not the nationals.
Tsukishima furrowed his brows. He didn't know if Kuroo was being serious or not.
Before Tsukishima could respond, and before Kuroo could aggravate the situation, Akaashi and Bokuto approached the two.
Akaashi
Akaashi
Kuroo-san.
Akaashi's tone was calm, but that tone silently advised Kuroo to hold back, at least a little bit.
Kuroo's eyes met Akaashi's, then Tsukishima's.
Kuroo
Kuroo
It's hard to say it to a freshman. I mean, you're still growing.
Kuroo spoke like an old man. Tsukishima couldn't take him seriously for a moment.
Kuroo
Kuroo
But right now, you're reeking of nothing but insecure.
Kuroo's words were harsh.
Tsukishima never expected Kuroo to confront him about something like this.
Why would he even care, when they only met a few days ago, at the very first day of training camp?
It's not like Tsukishima was really affecting Kuroo.
They weren't even in the same team, so it wouldn't even matter.
Kuroo
Kuroo
You're wondering why I'm prying so much, huh?
Tsukishima's parted lips pursed.
Kuroo
Kuroo
I really want the trash can battle to happen.
Kuroo
Kuroo
And our coach wants it, too.
Kuroo tilted his head up with a smile.
Kuroo
Kuroo
And I don't know how long he'll be coaching this team for.
Kuroo
Kuroo
So, think of it as a win-win situation, yeah?
Kuroo chuckled lightly as he looked at the somber Tsukishima.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Karasuno needs to win. And I don't need someone like you dragging them down.
Kuroo's words came out harsher than he thought it would.
He pushed a dagger in, and pulled it out in a swift motion, leaving the other person with an open wound.
Kuroo
Kuroo
All I hear is "Hinata this", "Hinata that".
Kuroo
Kuroo
You're not actually trying, are you?
Tsukishima felt his eyes widen for a moment.
Kuroo's words struck him.
Word per word, it hit him like a truck.
He hate to admit it, even to himself. He didn't want to admit that Hinata was taking a toll on him.
He hated it so much.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
What do you mean? I don't talk about Hinata all the time.
Tsukishima's prolonged silence finally came to an end.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
I don't speak like that. I actually have a personality.
Even with a mind swamped with heavy thoughts, he managed to pretend to be his usual snarky self.
But his defensive attitude didn't really help in trying to convince the others.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
It's not that I don't try.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
But what I don't understand is... Why are you all going all out?
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
It's just a club.
"It's just a club."
Tsukishima's words echoed throughout the silent gymnasium.
Even Kuroo, Akaashi, and Bokuto were silent. They didn't know how to approach Tsukishima's question.
"It was just a club."
Bokuto
Bokuto
It's not just a club.
The silent Bokuto finally spoke up.
He was avoiding the idea before, though. He didn't want to get involved in whatever talk Kuroo and Tsukishima was having.
Bokuto
Bokuto
When you play, it'll come naturally.
Bokuto
Bokuto
I know it well, Tsukki. You'll understand the thrill of scoring a point.
Bokuto wasn't smiling. He sounded serious.
Bokuto
Bokuto
It's just a point. But it brings your team closer to victory.
Akaashi chuckled, lifting the heavy atmosphere off everyone's shoulders.
Akaashi
Akaashi
Bokuto-san. Don't cry.
Bokuto's eyes widened.
Bokuto
Bokuto
I won't! I'm just worried for my disciple here.
"Disciple? Should I be thankful, or regretful?"
Tsukishima thought.
Kuroo
Kuroo
"It's just a club," you say.
Kuroo
Kuroo
You completely derailed me from the Hinata topic with that.
Kuroo chuckled lightly.
Tsukishima looked down, avoiding Kuroo's eyes. He was so confused, that he didn't even know what to do.
He never dwelled over things like this.
Normally, he would wait for the other person to apologize. Or if they didn't want to, he'd do it. Even if he didn't mean it.
But Tsukishima didn't find this "argument" an easy obstacle to overcome. He didn't know how he'd apologize.
He's not that prideful, but right now, he felt like the devil of the capital sin.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
What should I do?
Tsukishima's words came out so suddenly.
He didn't even get to think about it. It just crawled out of his dry lips.
Bokuto
Bokuto
Just stop thinking about it.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
Huh?
Kuroo, Akaashi, and Tsukishima poked holes through Bokuto's skin with their glare.
Akaashi decided to interpret.
Akaashi
Akaashi
What Bokuto-san meant, probably, was that you shouldn't let those insecurities of yours take over you.
Bokuto
Bokuto
Yeah!
Bokuto continued.
Bokuto
Bokuto
It's not easy, but it's not like anything is.
Bokuto
Bokuto
It'll be hard, but you're on your own with that.
Bokuto's choice of words were off. They were harsh, and would probably be misunderstood by any normal person.
Just when Akaashi was about to interrupt again, Bokuto decided to continued with what he was about to say.
Bokuto
Bokuto
But you're not alone when it comes to volleyball.
Bokuto
Bokuto
It takes an entire team to win!
Bokuto sounded proud of his advice.
It was pretty terrible. Kuroo and Akaashi thought the same. Not only were his words bleak and cruel, he even sounded so confident about it.
But Tsukishima thought a bit differently.
It's like Bokuto's words lifted something off of him.
Some sort of weight that had been crushing him this entire time.
"His advice wasn't all that good still, though."
Tsukishima thought.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Keep training.
Kuroo spoke up too.
Kuroo
Kuroo
It's not like we can be there to train with you all the damn time.
Kuroo laughed obnoxiously. It was practically a routine for him— laughing every few minutes, Tsukishima thought.
Akaashi
Akaashi
I agree. Practice makes perfect, after all.
Bokuto nodded with Kuroo and Akaashi's words.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Get this.
Kuroo turned to Tsukishima. His playful tone made Tsukishima look up at him.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Kenma used to really suck at tossing the ball.
Kuroo
Kuroo
It would often bounce on his head most of the time.
Kuroo
Kuroo
It was pretty funny.
Akaashi sighed.
Kuroo
Kuroo
See where he is now!
Akaashi
Akaashi
Kuroo-san...
Akaashi
Akaashi
Wasn't that when you and Kenma were still kids?
Kuroo froze. His face went pale, like one of those flippant cartoons made for teenagers.
It took Tsukishima off guard.
Kuroo
Kuroo
It was, but still.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Training is really all you need, Tsukki.
Kuroo held Tsukishima's gaze.
Bokuto
Bokuto
Yeah!! That's what I'm trying to say!
Bokuto crossed his arms.
Tsukishima thought this whole situation was so fawning that he almost felt awkward being here.
He felt like a child talking to their parents about their first partner.
Tsukishima hated the feeling. It was incredibly awkward.
But he still felt unsettled.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
I understand what you all mean, but those aren't the answers I'm really looking for.
Their answers did help Tsukishima to think more clearly, though.
About volleyball.
But that wasn't really the problem he wanted to solve. Not right now.
Kuroo
Kuroo
You're a picky guy.
Bokuto
Bokuto
Agreed!
Bokuto and Kuroo laughed.
Akaashi spoke up, his tone a lot more serious than the other two.
Akaashi
Akaashi
What is it you're looking for, Tsukishima?
Tsukishima gulped.
"Hinata."
Tsukishima wanted to say that.
"How can I salvage things?"
Tsukishima was confused by his own thoughtful questions. He even shocked himself.
Tsukishima hesitated in saying anything. He felt a bit uncomfortable and ganged up on.
It overwhelmed him.
But he needed to talk to someone about this. He wanted to know what they all thought he should do.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
What should I do with Hinata?
Bokuto and Kuroo's eyes widened.
Akaashi expected a question like that, though. He held onto his soft smile.
Kuroo and Bokuto shared looks.
They didn't see Tsukishima as the type to care about relationships. Especially with Hinata.
They figured he'd act like nothing ever happened the day after. Tsukishima never came off as a "I-let-my-feelings-get-in-the-way-of-everything" type of person.
But they seemed to have thought wrong about him.
Bokuto
Bokuto
What to do? Uh.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Right, that.
Kuroo and Bokuto were beginning to regret thinking so negatively about Tsukishima.
He wasn't so stuck up, after all.
Akaashi
Akaashi
Did you try talking to him yet?
Akaashi
Akaashi
Properly, I mean.
Akaashi's voice remained collected.
Tsukishima
Tsukishima
No. Unless yelling was considered as proper.
Kuroo
Kuroo
Obviously not.
Kuroo rolled his eyes.
Tsukishima ignored Kuroo's annoying statements and began to think.
Can just "talking" really solve something like this?
Tsukishima's sudden outburst was something he couldn't even explain. So how would he talk about it, when he didn't know why?
When he didn't know how it led to an explosive eruption of unwanted feelings?
Akaashi
Akaashi
Consider it, Tsukishima.
Akaashi
Akaashi
Take your time.
Akaashi
Akaashi
Bask in your thoughts, and the words your looking for might just come to you.
Bokuto
Bokuto
Yeah!
Bokuto huffed.
Bokuto
Bokuto
Naturally!
Bokuto sounded proud.
Kuroo slapped Tsukishima's back as an encouragement. Tsukishima groans.
Kuroo
Kuroo
You better make up with Hinata. He missed three training sessions for this.
Kuroo lifted his head and laughed loudly.
Again.
"Three sessions..."
Tsukishima thought.
"What a waste."
"I need to... do something."

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