The dark orbs focused on the image in front of him. An amalgamation of emotions, from sharp pain to deep rage, seized his being instantly. He wanted to look away, wished not to continue contemplating that image that tore at his soul. He longed fervently to return to the life he led just five minutes ago, when he was completely unaware of the existence of those photographs. However, he was the one who insisted on moving forward, who built castles in the sky. He was the one who took the first step between them.
He was the only one who let himself be enveloped by love.
He felt like a mere follower, a faithful companion behind the impressive Carlo Mancini. It had always been like this, and that reality struck him with brutal sincerity. He was fully aware that, for Carlo, he was nothing more than an annoyance in his path, a shadow that barely deserved attention.
Despite feeling stupid, he desperately wished to cling to Carlo. He didn't plan to give up so easily; even less so in the presence of a simple nurse. He angrily closed the tablet and threw it hard against the wall. Books scattered across the floor, a reflection of the chaos that had taken hold of his insides. Adrien leaned back in his chair, a mixture of frustration and irritation consuming him completely. Carlo had excluded him from his life by blocking his personal number, limiting communication through his secretary.
Three months had passed since then, and the question continued to resonate: Didn't he miss him at all? Adrien sank into depression as he reflected on this. He never received a sign of affection from Carlo, always facing indifference and coldness. Even when he tried his best, Carlo looked down on him.
He couldn't force Carlo to love him, but he was determined to keep him by his side. He had forced Carlo to stay, hoping against all logic that he could awaken some kind of feeling in him. But it was a monumental mistake. Carlo was not attracted to him or to any man; his preferences were exclusively feminine, and that was something immutable.
While Adrien was throwing a tantrum in distant lands, Carlo was comfortably enjoying his absence. Should he apologize? Should he be the first to apologize, as he had done so many times? Uncertainty harassed him, but he was also aware that the longer he spent away from Carlo, the easier it would be for him to fall in love with someone else.
Despite everything, a part of Adrien urged him to maintain his pride. He had lost his dignity to Carlo countless times, and for a moment, he wished that Carlo would be the one to apologize first. However, they both knew that in the end, Adrien would end up being the one to apologize even for things he hadn't done.
He let his face fall onto the desk, scribbling on a blank sheet of paper. His mind was filled again and again with the image that tormented him, remembering the day when, with hope, he gave Carlo a gift. Hands marked by rose thorns were evidence of the effort involved. Adrien smiled enthusiastically as he presented a bouquet of red roses, but Carlo's cold reaction shattered his illusions.
"Don't put garbage on my desk."
Those few words took his breath away, and not exactly in a comforting way. His lips trembled and his eyes burned with unusual intensity. He had been despised. Although surprise was not part of his reaction, the pain clung to him as if he had not anticipated it. He tried to articulate some answer, but the words were caught in the knot that formed in his throat.
With trembling hands and shattered illusions, once again, he dragged the box towards himself and held it in his hands. He blinked repeatedly, fighting the flow of tears that threatened to escape his eyes. As was his custom, he was forced to ignore his emotions, or at least try to. He forced a smile, although, observed closely, it looked more like a grimace of pain. A failed attempt to smile. However, that didn't seem to matter to Carlo, who, as soon as he saw him pick up the box, turned his gaze back to whatever was stealing his attention.
"I'll open it for you," Adrien announced with a hint of enthusiasm. He took one of the leather chairs in front of Carlo's desk and proceeded to open the box with extreme care. The smile on his face widened as he contemplated the beautiful bouquet of flowers. He had put a significant effort into making sure everything was perfect, and luckily it was. He considered placing the bouquet in front of Carlo, but remembering the previous reaction, he chose to hold it in his hands, as if afraid that any further gesture would trigger further disdain.
The irony of the situation did not go unnoticed; as he celebrated the successful outcome of his gift, Carlo barely looked away from his chores. Adrien's attempt to regain some appreciation in Carlo's gaze was doomed to indifference. Still, hoping that this small gesture might change something, Adrien continued to hold the bouquet, wishing that at least this flourishing beauty could break the ice in Carlo's cold heart.
"Look," said Adrien expectantly, holding the bouquet of flowers, "It's pretty, isn't it?"
The silence stretched for about three or four minutes, as Adrien's cheeks began to ache from the forced smile he maintained. About to burst with frustration, Carlo's beautiful eyes finally settled on him and the gift he was holding.
"Pretty," Carlo replied with a brevity that was unexpected. It was a short answer, but enough for Adrien's wounded heart to receive a little relief. Satisfied, he closed the lid of the box again and left it on the chair next to it.
He searched the inside pocket of his jacket for two small sheets folded in half and placed them in front of Carlo. The action caused Carlo's face to contort in a grimace of disgust, but Adrien chose to ignore the expression and speak before being sent to hell.
"Choose one," Adrien insisted.
Carlo looked up, showing clear irritation. Adrien pouted, and Carlo rolled his eyes, frowning further. Adrien knew Carlo's aversion to being disturbed while he was working, but otherwise he would never get his attention. If he didn't seek out Carlo, he would simply ignore him completely, defying any tacit agreement they shared.
Without much enthusiasm, Adrien watched as Carlo selected one of the two small folded sheets. However, he couldn't help but insist that he unfold it and read its contents, even though the idea might seem silly and childish. Regardless, Carlo's simple choice excited him, eager to find out what activity he had chosen.
"Coffee," Carlo pronounced as he examined the unfolded sheet. "Coffee?" he repeated in the form of a question, arching one of his eyebrows with an air of skepticism.
"Great! That means we're going to the new cafe nearby. I've read reviews online and they say it's exceptional. The other sheet suggested a relaxing walk on the beach, but since you chose this option..."
The excitement in Adrien's face and words abruptly faded as he watched Carlo crumple the sheet and disdainfully discard it in the trash can, right in front of him. That gesture of rejection towards his perfect date plan caused something inside Adrien to shatter that day. Strange and even stupid as it may seem, Adrien was sadly accustomed to these kinds of slights.
"It's my fault," he whispered in his thoughts. "I provoked it," he thought, struggling not to sink into humiliation.
"You know I don't like going out to crowded places. I hate listening to the bustle of people," Carlo stated coldly. Every word Carlo uttered resonated in Adrien's consciousness, increasing the burden of guilt. Because yes, he knew perfectly well all the things that Carlo hated. And, unfortunately for him, it was precisely those things that Adrien longed to do with him.
Adrien yearned for the experience of taking Carlo to the movies, where they could immerse themselves together in a horror movie. He cleverly planned to feign fear so he would have the perfect excuse to hug Carlo. However, all those expectations were dashed against the reality of Carlo's specific aversions: his rejection of the smell of popcorn and his loathing of any kind of movie. Between sighing resignedly and abandoning the idea, Adrien felt another shadow added to the growing list of disagreements.
The illusion of sharing a day at the mall also vanished in the face of the reality of Carlo's preferences. He wanted to hold his hand, admire window displays, and enjoy ice cream together, but Carlo's objections were unwavering. He hated sweets, resisted contact in public, and seemed to abhor the idea of spending any time with him at all.
"But there you are?" Adrien murmured as he crumpled the sheet he had been scribbling on. "You are there. In the same place you didn't want to go... You're there, with her, at the same cafe I invited you to." Sadness crept into his words, a sadness that resonated with the disappointment of having made plans in the hope of uniting them and instead finding himself with the harsh reality of insurmountable barriers imposed by Carlo's preferences. At that moment, Adrien felt submerged in the painful realization that, even in their small attempts at connection, the emotional distance between them seemed insurmountable.
...----------------...
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