I take the hint. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”
“So much,” she says. “Really, really much.”
She finishes up the bowl, and spoons up every last drop of milk. Then
she waits. Watches me finish my muesli with a gentle smile on her face.
We sit in silence a for moment, and there’s a feeling in me, a desperate
urge to tell her she doesn’t have to go home to an empty house, where
nobody really cares about her. To tell her I like her. To tell her I want to take
care of her, the way I wanted to take care of Jane all those years ago.
To tell her the truth.
I tell her nothing, just put our empty bowls in the sink and gather her
clothes from the laundry room. She takes them from my arms, tells me
thanks, and I force out the words I need to say.
“We’d better be getting you home.”
Laine
The journey goes too quickly. The world zooms by outside the window
and my heart thumps at the horror that this is it. Goodbye.
I really don’t want this to be goodbye.
My palms are hot and clammy, and my fingers are fidgety. They twiddle
around and around as I try to think of a way to make this last.Fluttery and weird.
I can’t straighten it out and it won’t go away, so I just keep staring out
of the window and praying he’ll let me see him again.
I can’t bear the thought of never seeing him again.
He asks me for directions to Kelly Anne’s house and I want to lie, tell
him she lives far away, that I can’t remember how to even get there, but I
don’t. I point him onto her estate in Newhaven, and he indicates onto her
street.
I direct him into her parents’ driveway and hold my breath, scared he’ll
say his goodbyes and disappear now I’m back on home turf. He doesn’t.
He puts the car in neutral and says he’ll wait for me.
I smile in relief.
“I’ll be right back,” I say. “Just a minute.”
He nods, smiles, and I fumble with the door handle, trip over my nervy
limbs as I bundle out of the car. I pull my cardigan around myself as I ring
her doorbell, and I can smell his lavender fabric conditioner. I love the way
it smells.
It’s Kelly Anne’s mum who answers the door. She takes my arm and
welcomes me in, yelling to Kelly Anne upstairs to announce my arrival.
“Go on up,” she says. “She’s still in her pit.”
“Thanks, Mrs Dean,” I say.
She tuts at me. “It’s Mary,” she says. “How many times do I have to tell
you it’s Mary?” Her smile is kind and laced with that little bit of pity I’ve
grown used to.
I smile back at her then make my way upstairs. Kelly Anne’s bedroom
door is closed tight. I don’t bother knocking, just let myself in and navigate
the trail of dirty laundry until I’m at her bed.
“Kelly Anne?”
She groans, rolls over, and sleepy eyes barely focus on me.
“Kelly Anne, it’s me.”
“Laine? What are you doing here? What time is it?” She gropes for the
phone on her bedside cabinet, checks the time and groans again. “Urgh, not
even midday.”
“You took my keys!” I snap, and all the fear from last night comes
rushing back. “My phone, too! My purse and my ID! I was stuck out all
night!”
I just want to see him again.
My emotions are churned into a big messy ball in my stomach. It feels
weird, uncomfortable, these feelings for Nick twisting and turning, so
confused. I felt so safe in Jane’s room, cocooned in this floaty bubble, like
cotton candy at a spring fair. I felt so safe there, so safe in Nick’s house, that
I wanted to be Jane.
And I still want to be Jane now.
But I watched him. I watched him in the shower. I watched him and I
liked it. I thought about him touching me and I liked that too.
I like him.
I like him like that.
The combination feels icky. Weird.
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Updated 83 Episodes
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