Make Me Yours Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Author

p.s.- In thai "hia" is used to call someone who is older than you but you are much closer to each other. It can also be used to call your brother. "P" or "phi" is used to call someone who is older than you. This can also be used to call your brother. "Nong" is used to call someone who is younger. "Khun" is used before someone's name to show respect. In literal sense it means "Mr."

Author

You might find these words in the chapters

𝙋𝙊𝙍𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙔

It was late at night and was raining quite hard. Raindrops were trickling down the window pane. I did not close the window. I let the small drops of rain hit my face. The water started to trickle down my face to my collarbone and just before it could seep into my T-shirt I wiped it off.

It was not just rainwater that was trickling down my cheeks. But also tears. Tears of pain. Not physical but emotional. I wanted to let go, to forget everything. The cold water constantly hit my face but my cheeks were warm and red. Probably due to too much crying.

Suddenly there was a huge lightning. I guessed that the thunder crashed somewhere nearby. The sound was great and I felt it struck right through my heart. I could feel my heart stop for a moment before it started beating frantically.

Suddenly the lights went off. Most probably a powercut. I felt like I heard some shouts. Maybe the bodyguards of the main family were trying to switch on the generator. I did not pay much attention. In the last few days I remained quite absentminded. I had no interest in literally anything. But I tried to act normal. The others do not need to know my situation. Hia does not need to know.

And most importantly “𝓱𝓮”does not need to know. “𝓗𝓮”does not to know that I am unhappy. “𝓗𝓮”does not need to know that I am heartbroken. “𝓗𝓮”does not need to know.....anything. “𝓗𝓮”does not deserve to know anything about me. P'Kim....does not deserve me.

That's what I had been saying to myself for the last month. I tried to pull myself together. I tried to be more composed and act maturely. I wanted to forget him and all of his memories. I wanted to become stronger. So I started to make new friends. I dyed my hair purple. I wanted to show him that I am not weak anymore.

But why was he still following me. Why did he follow me to the bar on that day? Why did he fought with my senior? Why did he care? What was his motive again? Even if I did feel a bit guilty after being caught by him, what was his need to follow me? Why was he trying to save me?

If he did care about me so much then why did he leave? And if he didn't then why was he still following?

It took me so much time to overcome the pain he gave me. Even if I know that I'll never be able to overcome it completely, still I tried. Even if the state that I am in cannot be called happy, I was trying to become normal.

But he destroyed everything again. All my efforts were in vain because of him. Just at the moment I accepted my fate he sent me that clip. It left me devastated. Why did you do it P'Kim? Why are you playing with my emotions? Why did it turn out like this?

I won't accept you. Even if my heart hurts like hell, even if I know that I cannot live without you, even if it actually hurts me more than it hurts you, I won't let you come back to my life. I won't let you play with me again.

I suddenly remember the day at the bar...

𝙁𝙇𝘼𝙎𝙃𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆

It was just some days after my heart breaking meeting with P'Kim. I was in the bar with some of my seniors from our faculty. I dyed my help purple. It was just 2 days I started hanging out with them. They invited me with them and of course I did not say no because I wanted to show P'Kim but I am no more a child and I also can do things that he can.

Senior 2

“Hey Porchay try this”

I snapped from my thoughts as I heard one of my seniors saying. He offered me a drink whose name I don't know. For a moment I did not wanted to take it. But then I remembered P'Kim's words,

Kim

“Yes. Otherwise why would I give you guitar lessons”

I felt my cheeks reddening up with anger. I took the drink from his hands and drunk it all in once.

Senior 2

“Wow Porchay. It was quite strong one and you really drunk it up at once. Unbelievable.”

I heard one of them saying.

Senior 3

“Of course. That's my boy.”

Senior 1

“Hey Porchay, you shall try this. I can guarantee that you will forget all your sorrows after taking this.”

Another senior said.

Senior 1

“Come on try it.”

It was some kind of pill. I reluctantly tried to take it when...

P'Kim suddenly came out of no where and kicked the senior and the pill fell from his hand. He tried to go in an argument but dropped the idea as P'Kim glared at him with his most fierce look and pointed a finger at him and said just one word in his coldest tone,

Kim

“Don't”

The senior just sat down without saying anything. He was probably too scared to say anything. This time P'Kim glared at me. I could feel his gaze right through my heart. I suddenly felt a pang of guilt but quickly managed to hide it by glaring equally at him. He suddenly pulled my arm and dragged me outside.

Kim

“What the heck are you doing huh”

I heard P'Kim shout on me.

Suddenly my guilt transformed to anger. What right did he have on me to shout on me? He has no right on me. We have no kind of relation.

Porchay

“You have no right on me P'Kim. How dare you shout on me?”

I shouted on him. For the first time in his life I shouted on someone. And that also on P'Kim. I felt hurt shouting on him. But he needs to know that once he left me he has no right on me.

He glared at me.

Kim

“From now what you do is your damn business.”

He said in a cold tone before leaving.

He did not look back. Not even once. But why did I care. Why did it hurt so much. Why can't my stupid heart stop beating frantically whenever I see him. It's so frustrating.

I saw him leave until his silhouette vanished in the dark.

𝙁𝙇𝘼𝙎𝙃𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆 𝙀𝙉𝘿

Why am I remembering him again. Forget him. Forget him. Forget him.

Suddenly the lights came back. I was surprised as the light directly hit my eyes. I guess I was used to the dark by now. So the light hurt my eyes. I quickly covered my eyes with my hands. There was a knock on the door.

Bodyguard(main family)

“Khun Porchay, are you alright? The lights went off for a moment due to the power cut.”

It was one of the bodyguards of the main family whose name I don't know.

Porchay

“I'm fine.”

I replied,

Porchay

“Can you please switch off the lights”

Bodyguard(main family)

“Umm...sure”

He switched off the lights and quickly left.

My life was once full of lights. Even if I had no one except hia, I was happy. But when P'Kim came to my life he brought with him darkness. But still I was happy with him. In fact I was happier than usual. With him I discovered another kind of happiness. I became used to the darkness and clinging to him for support. But then he left me alone in my life full of lights. Now these lights are blinding me. Now I crave for something else. I crave for the darkness. I want to be with him even on the darkest of nights. I want to discover the beauty of darkness with him.

I picked up the phone and opened P'Kim's message center. The song clip was still there. Maybe he was still waiting for my reply. For a moment I did type something:

Porchay

“I miss you P'Kim. Can you please come back. Can you please not leave anymore. Can you please not lie anymore. I love you.”

I quickly deleted the text before throwing the phone on the pillow beside me. I crashed on the bed while another drop of tear escaped my eye. The rain has already stopped. Now I've no excuse to say that I'm not crying.

One thing that I realised today is that I can never stop loving you P'Kim. Even if I show that I do not care, my heart can never stop loving you. Because it is hurting now.

And I know, only love can hurt like this.