the moments

When they finally arrived at his house Yoo Jonghyuk let Donghao walk in before following him upstairs to his bedroom.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Yoo Jonghyuk asked.

"No thank you," Donghao responded and sat down at his desk. He rested his elbows on the edge and rested his head in his hands. Yoo Jonghyuk hesitated. He sat down on the bed and stared at Donghao for a moment before speaking.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked. Donghao looked up sharply.

"What?" He asked softly. Yoo Jonghyuk sighed.

"Do you hate me?"

Donghao looked at him, confused. "I.. No."

"Then why are you acting like this? Why won't you talk to me?"

"It's nothing!" Donghao exclaimed.

Yoo Jonghyuk furrowed his brows, "What happened?"

"Nothing!" Donghao repeated firmly.

"Donghao-"

"It's fine! Everything is fine!" Donghao cut him off.

"No, it's not. What's wrong? You're hurting, aren't you?" Yoo Jonghyuk asked.

"I... I..." Donghao stammered. ""I don't...."

"What happened?"

"I..." Donghao paused, unsure of what to say.

"I don't want you to be angry with me, Donghao. We haven't seen each other in months. I don't understand how you're acting right now. This isn't like you. Is there something I need to know?" Yoo Jonghyuk asked gently. Donghao sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair. He looked down at the carpet and chewed on his lip. He took a deep breath and looked back up at Yoo Jonghyuk. He looked sad.

"She died." Donghao whispered.

He didn't look at him. Didn't even try to hide the tears that began to fill his eyes. Yoo Jonghyuk's face fell and he looked at Donghao sadly.

"Oh." Was all he said.

Donghao nodded slightly. Tears rolled down his cheeks and his bottom lip trembled as his tears began to fall faster. Yoo Jonghyuk frowned deeply and reached out, putting his hand on Donghao's arm. Donghao flinched, but quickly recovered when he felt the warmth of his hand and the comforting touch. He sniffed and wiped his nose.Why don't we talk about it?" He asked.

Donghao looked at him, his eyes wide.

"Talk about what?"

"Everything. About the past, the present, or even... maybe our future," Yoo Jonghyuk suggested. Donghao bit his bottom lip and furrowed his brows.

"I.. don't think I can." Donghao admitted quietly.

"Why?"

"Because.. Because I don't wanna tell you that it hurts, hyung." He said.

"That doesn't make sense. If it makes you feel better, you should tell me. I'm your older brother. I care about you, Donghao." Yoo Jonghyuk said. Donghao shrugged lightly, and looked at the floor.

"I don't wanna get hurt again." He whispered quietly. He looked up at Yoo Jonghyuk and gave him a weak smile.

"Besides, you deserve to know what happened to her too, hyung. You should hear about it too." He said softly.

"How would it affect you?" Yoo Jonghyuk asked with slight confusion. Donghao shook his head lightly and chuckled. He glanced at Yoo Jonghyuk, who was watching him carefully.

"It wouldn't. Butit would mean something different if you heard about it too, wouldn't it, hyung?" Donghao asked quietly. Yoo Jonghyuk looked at him curiously. He opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it and smiled.

"Yes. Yes, it would." He answered softly and nodded. Donghao smiled faintly at him. Yoo Jonghyuk smiled back hesitantly.

"Okay. Let's talk later, all right?" He said. Donghao nodded.

"Yeah. Later." He agreed and then looked away from him and stared at the wall. He looked down at his desk. He was frowning as he picked up his pencil and tapped it against his knee. Yoo Jonghyuk watched him, feeling guilty. Donghao had always been so kind to him, ever since he had known him. He didn't deserve the way Donghao was treating him. He didn't deserve any of the insults he was throwing at him. Even though they were true. Donghao was being harsh, but he didn't know that. Yoo Jonghyuk knew that.

Yoo Jonghyuk stood up, but Donghao didn't look up. He took a few steps closer and stood beside the desk.

"Donghao?" He called softly.Donghao glanced at him briefly.

"Yes, hyung?" He said softly.

"Did something happen between us? Did I do something to make you upset? Do I need to fix it?" Yoo Jonghyuk asked.

Donghao shook his head, but stopped and looked up at him. "No." He murmured quietly. He looked away from Yoo Jonghyuk and stared at the ground again. He looked up again at Yoo Jonghyuk when he spoke again.

"So? What happened?" Yoo Jonghyuk prompted. Donghao sighed deeply, and closed his eyes. He looked away from him and bit his lower lip.

"You didn't tell me you loved me." He whispered.

Yoo Jonghyuk blinked and looked shocked at Donghao. He hadn't expected that. It seemed Donghao hadn't expected it either. He had told him he cared about him but Yoo Jonghyuk hadn't thought that Donghao would believe him after what had happened. He had expected him to say something more hurtful, but instead he'd said that. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Donghao. He had meant what he said earlier; he didn't want anyone else to make him unhappy. He didn'know how else to show how much Donghao meant to him. He loved him. He loved him dearly and he loved him more than words could describe. He loved him with everything he had, but he didn't have any idea how to show him that. He didn't even know where to start showing Donghao how much he meant to him. All he did know was that he loved him. And that was enough for him. That was all he could hope for, and honestly, that was all he wanted. He hoped and prayed that one day Donghao would return those feelings just as much as he did. He wanted nothing more than to be with him. He wanted to spend every day with Donghao, every second of his life, just as he did now.

"I.." Yoo Jonghyuk started to say, but didn't continue. He cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly. Donghao looked at him and bit his lip nervously when he saw the expression on his face. He frowned slightly as Yoo Jonghyuk looked away from him and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Hyung, what did I do? Was it because of something I said?" He asked worriedly.

Yoo Jonghyuk looked at him. He didn't reply immediately.

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