An introduction to my life

Fortune,luck or privileged are all words that don't describe my life over the past years.you see I've never felt like I belonged anywhere at all.you could say I'm weird,and yeah I Know I am weird. I'm different and strange,I'm gromppy and annoying I get on people's nerve.

I'm gloomy, expressionless and cold-hearted. I'm kind, sweet and would do anything for the people I care about. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just simply misunderstood.

Everyone around me thinks they know me ,but I know they don't have a clue. plus my mental health isn't really helping,sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if I could just runaway from my own thoughts.

Hi I'm Catherine, and this is my story . you see to understand everything you need to know everything. So let's start with my metal illnesses:

Depression

Social Anxiety

Mood Disorder

eating Disorder

Anxiety

I'm weird and with all that untop sometimes I get overwhelmed. I'm also an introvert, so yeah I have no friends.Ever since I was growing up I could tell, I was different. I've never like a barbie boll or Disney princess,who I thought was the same as all the the others. They all seemed the same tragic backstory,and met the love of there live. Then they'd get married and live happily ever after, but that's fake it's not real. You know I mean it's never that simple, it's never that easy.

Mulan

Beauty and the Beast

Pocahontas

Moana

Brave

They were different you know. The people around me in my everyday life would say that I'm not normal, but I mean what even is normal?How do you know someone or something isn't normal.

And because of that many year's growing up, I questioned myself desperately looking for answers. I thought I was the problem, that there was something wrong with me.

In addition to my problems, I sorta terrified of the opposite sex. After having 4 stalkers over the last three years, you'd be terrified too. It was scary every time it happened and I always felt as it it's I fault.

plus recently there's this guy I like and I've been having dreams about him, and thinking about him at random times. But it doesn't matter I'm scared and I can't trust any thing anyone says, besides it wouldn't work out we're just too different.

But despite all I've been through, and is still going through I'm glad I haven't given up as yet. I've thought about it so many times, but I could never do that to the people in my life. I couldn't do that to the people who still care, never! There still here while the others left, because they care and so do I. I couldn't do that not to them, it'd break my heart and hurt them.And they deserve better' better than me, better this' better than babysitting me worrying about me. Or if I'm alright if I've eaten how I feel .

And that hurts so bad, it feels like everyone is just waiting for me to snap. It makes me feel like I'm a thicking time bumb, that could go off at any second.And that makes me feel useless to everyone.It scares me I feel like one day' everyone one will get up and be like (we don't want anything to do with you )or (we can't do this anymore).And once I've realized that I become terrified, and it hurts to know the people you love or care about could leave or die at any second. It really make you treasure the time you have with them . It may not seem like much now but if you have someone in your life, that cares about you make sure to treasure them while you can.

I believe everyone in life goes through hardship, and pain but it's how we get through the bad days and how we look at the world.That is what matters we've all got a lot on our plates, some more than others.

And I know sometimes things are going to get hard' or you might get lonely or you may want to cry. Just remember you are strong , beautiful, and you will get through whatever it is that's hurting you. it may feel like the end of the world at the moment. But I promise you will get through it, and when it's over you will emerge beautifully.

I mean I should know better than anyone, how hard it can be to smile. Sometimes it feels like I'm trapped in a room with no air. And I can feel my throat closing and it hurts. So bad I want to scream but I don't want anyone to hear' or cry but don't want anyone to see because that'll only make them curious. And there comes a bunch of questions that I don't , won't and can't answer. Because if I do I know I won't be able to hold back the tear's.

And I absolutely cannot allow anyone to see my weakness and lonelyness, I think that would break me more than anything else. For me people seeing me cry is weakness. It's uselessness and I can't be useless' if I'm useless (will they still want me by there side/ would they still care ) I ask myself these questions every single day .

I still don't know the answers to these questions, but some day I pray I will and on that day I will, decide if it was all worth it all the pain and suffering.

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