Chapter 1: Reflection

Sitting on the bench in front of the mirror admiring the features of the reflection staring back at me. My mind was filled with anticipation. I was looking forward to what the future holds. I've been told over and over since childhood how pretty I was. I had many unpleasant experiences in my 30 years of living. But as a child I did not understand what it meant to be pretty.

I was picked on a lot because of my long hair which was often braided and kept in a bun that was easier to manage. At least I thought that was the reason since my hair always ended up at the hand of someone's fingers being pulled and cursed for no reason. I was told that my courage was like a kite that raised higher with the wind; Whatever that meant. I supposed I always defended myself against the bullies.

I was also teased a lot for my straight nose, bright eyes, and long lashes. I did not look like the other kids in the neighborhood.

"They're just jealous." my father would often say.

"My baby girl is the prettiest in the entire village." Now that I think of Jonas' words, I realize perhaps those words were embedded deep in me and had given me the confidence I needed to survive any circumstance.

I always wanted to fall in love but didn't know what it was. The only love I experienced was from my father Jonas. However, my past experiences told me that love was complicated and messy. At least according to my aunt Tina it was a waste of time.

Looking intensely in the mirror, inspecting every contour of my face; I understood why having a face like mine was considered pretty. So I decided to accept that fact. As for my personality, it was something to be desired. I was naturally exuberant, intuitive and full of perception.

Looking at my features makes me think of Paulette. More so now that I am 30 and seven months pregnant. I did not remember much about her, but we shared the same face. " you look just like your mother." In others words, I was a spitting image of her according to Jonas. Like my mother, I was tall, slim, curvy, and busty. My dark skin is alluring and shiny. There was no question that I was my mother's daughter.

Becoming a mother wasn't easy. It has been a long road and I am happy now. It went through many years of hardship. So many disappointments and deceit, the lies and heartbreak, it took a lot of strength to survive, willingness and courage to endure the physical and mental anguish. I was capable of compartmentalizing and had the ability to adapt to diverse situations. I hated disappointment but in my heart I believed a lifetime of happiness was ahead of me.

At this very moment in my life I was madly in love. I could never imagine how beautiful and simple love could be when there is so much passion and understanding involved between two people.

My husband Stephen often said that I was a Nubian Goddess. Perhaps that was a way to tell me how beautiful I was. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love my husband. How could I have been so lucky to even be alive. The feeling of Loving someone without restraint, I could never imagine it. Loving him was very easy. He was a simple man who enjoyed life and took nothing for granted.

I was restrained to my bed because my pregnancy was complicated. Carrying this child to this point was a miracle in itself. This was not my first pregnancy. My body was very fragile. My doctor told me I need to stay in bed and stressfree in order for the baby to make it to term. I moved to the seat by the window. For no particular reason I thought of my past and wondered what became of my friend Rose. It was late in the evening. The silence was oppressive and my thoughts were heavy and despondent. I have been thinking of my friend a lot lately.

My head turned when I heard the door open. I was wearing a white shirt with matching shorts. The shirt was big enough to fit my seven months belly. Our eyes met

“what's the matter?” He asked.

“Nothing. Why?" I responded almost in a whisper. Stephen was very aware of what was on my mind.

" You say nothing but you look sad."

At that point, I had already turned my attention back to the window as if observing something special outside. I could only see the flowers under the dim light shining through the garden. He was standing behind me and wrapped his arms around my belly. He kissed the back of my neck sending shivers through my body. It's been a while since we had sex. It was not safe for the baby. I wanted him so badly as I am sure he was desperate for me. I couldn't be over-stimulated and he knew that.

“Don’t worry, I have people looking for her.”

I turned to face him with a smile. I rummage through his blonde hair with my long fingers as I clear away the strands blocking his eye. Deep within me I know this man loves me and would do anything for me. We were looking into each other's eyes. His hands cupped my face.

"You are so beautiful." He says,

I couldn't help myself. I kissed him.

Stephen responded with his warm tongue inside my mouth. We Kissed so hard and yet tender only the two of us existed at that moment.

"I want you." I said to him,

He hugged me. I can feel his body tense with desire. When I touched him, he became aroused. I kept kissing him with much more intensity, not removing my hand. I could feel his body trembling. He wanted me but he was careful. Slowly, my hand reached his man berries and I gave them a little squeeze.

"Hmm woman, what are you doing to me?"

It was not a question that required an answer. I had him completely under my control. My fingers continued chasing his berries, and the more I played with him the harder he kissed me. I was filled with excitement and I was satisfied. My hand was moving vigorously in his pajama pants for what seemed a while. I could tell he was close because of the intensity of his tongue inside my mouth. Then he let out a soft cry; he had reached his apex.

"No fair," he said as he laid his head on my shoulder.

"Did you enjoy that?" I asked. He smiled and pecked my neck

"I love you" he managed between kisses.

Today was a long day for Stephen and I could tell he was very tired. I could go into labor any moment, so he decided to put everything aside to wait for his baby to come into his world. I was sitting at the table waiting for him so we could eat together. I did not have much of an appetite. I was anxious and have been having little contractions here and there but nothing alarming. After dinner, we showered together and we decided not to go to bed right away. It was still early so we sat in the lounge area in our bedroom while sipping tea.

That beautiful woman sitting across from him ready to give birth to his child was his wife. Truly, Stephen felt overwhelmed with satisfaction. Staring into his clear blue eyes, He sensed her to pierce his soul and for the first time in his adult life he felt *****. “I love you Saintilia” he whispered. He then knelt in front of me and rested his head lightly on my belly to listen to his baby. We were so different from each other yet had so much in common. Only a year ago we married each other and lived together six months before that. This very intimate moment together was ours and no one else's.

It was my scream that woke Stephen. He often questioned me about my dream but I would tell him that it was acid reflux that kept waking me up. Unknown to him, this was an occuring nightmare that happened almost every night. It was the same scenario, being chased by a figure with a machete vowing to cut me into pieces.

I must have looked frightened, Stephen immediately took me in his arms and softly said he was here and everything was going to be fine. He held me so tight as if to keep me from being snatched away. He did not go back to sleep until he was sure that i fell asleep again. I laid there quietly, breathing silently not to alarm him. The contractions were coming faster and lasting longer. Just as he was about to close his eyes, I sat up moaning, holding my belly.

“Is it time?”

“I don’t know but I think you should take me to the hospital.”

He was somewhat perplexed; it was not quite time yet. But he was not about to risk the life of his unborn child, so he did whatever I said. He went to my closet to retrieve something comfortable for me to wear and helped me dress. He grabbed his keys completely ignoring his nakedness. I looked at him and laughed while holding my belly.

“Are you going out like that? I asked.

He looked at me as if to say why not. But then he realized he was *****. “Oh I better put some clothes on.”

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