Sitting on the bench in front of the mirror admiring the features of the reflection staring back at me. My mind was filled with anticipation. I was looking forward to what the future holds. I've been told over and over since childhood how pretty I was. I had many unpleasant experiences in my 30 years of living. But as a child I did not understand what it meant to be pretty.

I was picked on a lot because of my long hair which was often braided and kept in a bun that was easier to manage. At least I thought that was the reason since my hair always ended up at the hand of someone's fingers being pulled and cursed for no reason. I was told that my courage was like a kite that raised higher with the wind; Whatever that meant. I supposed I always defended myself against the bullies.

I was also teased a lot for my straight nose, bright eyes, and long lashes. I did not look like the other kids in the neighborhood.

"They're just jealous." my father would often say.

"My baby girl is the prettiest in the entire village." Now that I think of Jonas' words, I realize perhaps those words were embedded deep in me and had given me the confidence I needed to survive any circumstance.

I always wanted to fall in love but didn't know what it was. The only love I experienced was from my father Jonas. However, my past experiences told me that love was complicated and messy. At least according to my aunt Tina it was a waste of time.

Looking intensely in the mirror, inspecting every contour of my face; I understood why having a face like mine was considered pretty. So I decided to accept that fact. As for my personality, it was something to be desired. I was naturally exuberant, intuitive and full of perception.

Looking at my features makes me think of Paulette. More so now that I am 30 and seven months pregnant. I did not remember much about her, but we shared the same face. " you look just like your mother." In others words, I was a spitting image of her according to Jonas. Like my mother, I was tall, slim, curvy, and busty. My dark skin is alluring and shiny. There was no question that I was my mother's daughter.

Becoming a mother wasn't easy. It has been a long road and I am happy now. It went through many years of hardship. So many disappointments and deceit, the lies and heartbreak, it took a lot of strength to survive, willingness and courage to endure the physical and mental anguish. I was capable of compartmentalizing and had the ability to adapt to diverse situations. I hated disappointment but in my heart I believed a lifetime of happiness was ahead of me.

At this very moment in my life I was madly in love. I could never imagine how beautiful and simple love could be when there is so much passion and understanding involved between two people.

My husband Stephen often said that I was a Nubian Goddess. Perhaps that was a way to tell me how beautiful I was. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love my husband. How could I have been so lucky to even be alive. The feeling of Loving someone without restraint, I could never imagine it. Loving him was very easy. He was a simple man who enjoyed life and took nothing for granted.

I was restrained to my bed because my pregnancy was complicated. Carrying this child to this point was a miracle in itself. This was not my first pregnancy. My body was very fragile. My doctor told me I need to stay in bed and stressfree in order for the baby to make it to term. I moved to the seat by the window. For no particular reason I thought of my past and wondered what became of my friend Rose. It was late in the evening. The silence was oppressive and my thoughts were heavy and despondent. I have been thinking of my friend a lot lately.

My head turned when I heard the door open. I was wearing a white shirt with matching shorts. The shirt was big enough to fit my seven months belly. Our eyes met

“what's the matter?” He asked.

“Nothing. Why?" I responded almost in a whisper. Stephen was very aware of what was on my mind.

" You say nothing but you look sad."

At that point, I had already turned my attention back to the window as if observing something special outside. I could only see the flowers under the dim light shining through the garden. He was standing behind me and wrapped his arms around my belly. He kissed the back of my neck sending shivers through my body. It's been a while since we had sex. It was not safe for the baby. I wanted him so badly as I am sure he was desperate for me. I couldn't be over-stimulated and he knew that.

“Don’t worry, I have people looking for her.”

I turned to face him with a smile. I rummage through his blonde hair with my long fingers as I clear away the strands blocking his eye. Deep within me I know this man loves me and would do anything for me. We were looking into each other's eyes. His hands cupped my face.

"You are so beautiful." He says,

I couldn't help myself. I kissed him.

Stephen responded with his warm tongue inside my mouth. We Kissed so hard and yet tender only the two of us existed at that moment.

"I want you." I said to him,

He hugged me. I can feel his body tense with desire. When I touched him, he became aroused. I kept kissing him with much more intensity, not removing my hand. I could feel his body trembling. He wanted me but he was careful. Slowly, my hand reached his man berries and I gave them a little squeeze.

"Hmm woman, what are you doing to me?"

It was not a question that required an answer. I had him completely under my control. My fingers continued chasing his berries, and the more I played with him the harder he kissed me. I was filled with excitement and I was satisfied. My hand was moving vigorously in his pajama pants for what seemed a while. I could tell he was close because of the intensity of his tongue inside my mouth. Then he let out a soft cry; he had reached his apex.

"No fair," he said as he laid his head on my shoulder.

"Did you enjoy that?" I asked. He smiled and pecked my neck

"I love you" he managed between kisses.

Today was a long day for Stephen and I could tell he was very tired. I could go into labor any moment, so he decided to put everything aside to wait for his baby to come into his world. I was sitting at the table waiting for him so we could eat together. I did not have much of an appetite. I was anxious and have been having little contractions here and there but nothing alarming. After dinner, we showered together and we decided not to go to bed right away. It was still early so we sat in the lounge area in our bedroom while sipping tea.

That beautiful woman sitting across from him ready to give birth to his child was his wife. Truly, Stephen felt overwhelmed with satisfaction. Staring into his clear blue eyes, He sensed her to pierce his soul and for the first time in his adult life he felt *****. “I love you Saintilia” he whispered. He then knelt in front of me and rested his head lightly on my belly to listen to his baby. We were so different from each other yet had so much in common. Only a year ago we married each other and lived together six months before that. This very intimate moment together was ours and no one else's.

It was my scream that woke Stephen. He often questioned me about my dream but I would tell him that it was acid reflux that kept waking me up. Unknown to him, this was an occuring nightmare that happened almost every night. It was the same scenario, being chased by a figure with a machete vowing to cut me into pieces.

I must have looked frightened, Stephen immediately took me in his arms and softly said he was here and everything was going to be fine. He held me so tight as if to keep me from being snatched away. He did not go back to sleep until he was sure that i fell asleep again. I laid there quietly, breathing silently not to alarm him. The contractions were coming faster and lasting longer. Just as he was about to close his eyes, I sat up moaning, holding my belly.

“Is it time?”

“I don’t know but I think you should take me to the hospital.”

He was somewhat perplexed; it was not quite time yet. But he was not about to risk the life of his unborn child, so he did whatever I said. He went to my closet to retrieve something comfortable for me to wear and helped me dress. He grabbed his keys completely ignoring his nakedness. I looked at him and laughed while holding my belly.

“Are you going out like that? I asked.

He looked at me as if to say why not. But then he realized he was *****. “Oh I better put some clothes on.”

Today was particularly a hard day for me, it was the anniversary of my father's death. It was 2 years ago he passed away and my life has not been the same since then. I was his only child and until his death, he never stopped telling me how much he loved me; and what a joy I was to both he and Paulette, my mother whom I barely remembered. I was very young when she passed but my father never discussed with me whether she was sick or how she died. The one thing though he always made sure that I remembered how much she loved me.

Jonas never got over his wife's death; he buried himself in alcohol, believing that was the only way he could cope with his lost. He was lonely and in pain so drinking was the only way to ease his sorrow. I was always in despair whenever I found Jonas drunk. He was never belligerent towards me or any of his drinking buddies. Instead he would become a completely different person almost like a child missing his mother. Always crying, talking about Paulette, telling stories about how Paulette was the only woman for him. It's been nearly 13 years since her death.

It baffled me after so many years that Jonas couldn't get over her. I tried numerous times to set him up with our neighbor Adeline who was infatuated with Jonas. He was never interested. So I accepted there was never any hope of anyone else replacing my mother in this lifetime.

The sound of crickets screaming, and birds singing, reminded me that I spent too much time at the river. It was not impossible to make my way through the woods. The trees were very close together. Which made it impossible to see the sky. And once the sun sets, it becomes darker than it was and only knowing the area that it was possible for one to find the way home. I've lived in this town all my life and I could make it home with my eyes closed. I was not concerned about finding my way, but Tina was not going to let me hear the end of it.

The sounds of footsteps jolted me back to my surroundings. I was lost in my own thinking, worried about how hungry Tina must be. She was not a nice person and even worst when her stomach was in question. I sensed someone was closely following me but I could not see who it was. As I surveyed the area, I could see a shadowy movement that quickly moved between the trees. I felt eerie and my heart skipped but I was sure it was someone going about their business. After all, it was the main road to the river for anyone living in the village.

I continued my steps and secured my hold on the gourds that I was carrying. I did not stop, even though I could hear the steps behind me getting even closer. My long legs allowed me to take longer strides. So I decided to hurry my pace to confirm my suspicion.

"Who's there?"

I asked. There was complete silence. At that point I had stopped walking to make sure that someone was really following me. I did not imagine the voice that suddenly asked me to stop. I swallowed my saliva uncontrollably. I did not recognize the man's voice. I have never felt so scared in my life and at that moment I wanted my father to come meet me as he always did in the past.

"Who are you? and why are you following me?"

My heart was pounding So hard I was losing control of myself. I wanted to run but my legs gave out under me. I did not hit the ground because the gourds I was carrying supported my fall.

He did not respond to my question. Perhaps it was someone I knew or have seen with Jonas I thought. But for now I couldn't place the voice. I looked around but could not see anything. I sensed that he was close. If not for the darkness I would have been able to see that it was the man who was watching me from the river moments ago. The thought of wanting to see his face distracted me for a second, so I straightened myself up and started walking again.

"Merde....."

I muttered under my breath but loud enough that he heard it when I stepped over a rock I lost my balance and immediately fell to the ground. The sound of gourds crashing and water splashing made me angry. It took me half a day to clean them and now just like that I couldn't even make it home with one.

"Whoever you are F!!ck you."

He knew exactly where I was on the ground. I couldn't even finish my words. I knew I was in serious trouble. What came at that moment was the pain in my jaw. I was slapped so hard that my ear was ringing. He wanted to possess me and this was the only way to have me. I quickly stood still holding the side of my face, not giving him the upper hand. He grabbed me as fast as I stood and forced me back to the ground facing him. I was in a state of shock; I did not understand what was happening. I underestimated him; he was not a simple man. I tried to understand how much dangerous I was in. This situation was not simple and may not end well for me.

All sorts of things crossed my mind. I was born here in this village. Everyone knew me as the fierce little girl of Jonas. No one would dare mess with me because I was a fighter. Jonas always taught me how to defend myself. And it was important to never make it easy for anyone who wants to cause me harm. Why was this happening to me? Clearly this man did not come from my village.

"What are you doing? And who are you?"

I asked, annoyed not really expecting an answer. At this point, I was pinned under him and totally under his control. He laid on top of me as he ripped open my dress. 'What is happening?' I kept asking myself because I was unable to comprehend and face the situation. I was aware that I was being violated, but my mind could not register this very moment I was being invaded.

As we struggled, I then realized that this man was not going to let me get away until he got what he wanted. I tried crawling out from under him, I kneed his groin with all the force I could muster. He slapped me harder this time perhaps responding to the pain I had just given him, causing my bottom lip to bleed. This man was serious. I couldn't help myself. I began to cry while helpless but I was fighting. I screamed for Jonas to save me. I was in a state of reality and confusion, well aware that my father will never come. "He's dead and you are all mine," he finally spoke in a whisper. The reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I decided I will fight him to the end.

I searched the ground for some sort of help. I didn't know for sure how this was going to end but I was not going down so easy. My hand landed on the stick that was holding the gourds. As if the man had x-ray vision. He sensed my movement and caught my arm when I swung at him. To his surprise, I was strong but not a match for him. I closed my eyes, focusing all my thoughts on how I was going to get away from him.

The river was dotted with children splashing against each other. Some plunging and some swimming racing with one another. There were sounds of rushing water. Donkeys drinking along the edge of the river, men and women washing their garments, and birds flapping their wings while trees whistled through the wind.

The sun has faded. And I was concentrating on the four gourds in front of me I had yet to clean. It was always difficult for me to get used to cleaning those them simply because I was disgusted by them. But Jonas insisted until it was no longer a problem for me. I liked cleaning them at the river because the water made the cleaning process easier. Jonas was very crafty. Almost all our plates and utensils were made of gourds. It was interesting to me to watch him carve them into anything he wanted and turned his skill into a business.

I was totally unaware that my body was partially exposed. As I plunged the gourd in the water, shaking it to get rid of the seeds stuck inside. my body corresponded with every movement making the uncovered part of my body more exposed.

I noticed that the boys gathered together whispering about something and laughing. I paid no attention to them because there were many interesting things going on around this time at the river so it was no surprise that they were loud.

Sometimes later, I decided that I was done with my task. The cleaning process for me was very easy. Jonas was a good teacher. He taught me many things and cleaning and carving gourds was very special. That was something we both enjoyed doing. It was not always fun for me at the beginning but Jonas was very patient with me. Now that he’s no longer here, I appreciated everything he did for me. I smiled to myself, satisfied that I had done a great job cleaning them. I filled each one of them with water, tied them together in two groups using a tree branch to hold them making them easier to carry.

The curves of my body shifted from one position to another as I lifted the gourds. The flimsy dress that I wore was clinging to my body revealing every detail of my curvature. All the while a few meters away some anxious eyes beheld me. His head slightly showed above the water. He laid motionless like a hungry crocodile preying its target. Alongside some children disturbing the water stream. He has been there for a while observing every movement, gazing at my graceful body.

It startled me when I turned, and finally noticed him. Our eyes met and held each other's gaze for a minute. I did not recognize him. And for a brief moment I felt paralyzed and surprised that someone was fixated on me. It was then I understood why he could not take his eyes off of me. I discovered I was exposed and quickly covered myself. I looked away and continued to fix my dress as if I had not noticed him there.

Around the same time, some of the boys began to laugh enjoying what they had just witnessed. I grunted at them as if to say have some respect but they continued to laugh not acknowledging my discomfort.

I slowly glanced his way again, I wanted to see if he was still there. This time I was careful not to meet his eyes. I was shocked to see how muscular he was and there was not an ounce of fat in his body. Though trying to avoid his eyes, I could not help looking at his face. He smiled when he emerged from under the stream, water dripping from his body. His eyes still held mine though his vision was a blur, I seem to have gotten his full attention. I felt violated and wished to never see him again.

I also noticed that he was not an attractive man. His smile did not help the situation. He had a flat nose with unusual wide nostrils. His red eyes made him look angry but I knew he was not. Perhaps he has been in the water for too long and It's a pity that his face did not match his body. I have never seen him before but I was not going to engage with such a stranger.

"What is your name?"

I heard him ask as he approached me but my mind had drifted back to myself making sure that I was completely covered so I ignored him.

Suddenly, my jaw clenched and the burning sensation on my face brought me back to my senses. 'What the hell?' my mind was racing. I wanted to scream but I knew no one would hear me. We were surrounded by trees with tall branches that would carry my cries to oblivion.

He was now on top of me with his finger molesting me, probing me, claiming that he was making sure that I was still a ******.

His voice was hoarse and the stench of alcohol on his breath made me dizzy. I could feel his schlong hardened on the inner side of my thigh. I was resisting and found his strength to be more than I anticipated. I raised my right hand with a fist ready to pound his face but It was dark and I missed my target because he caught my fist before I could strike him.

He managed to capture both my arms with his left hand; he pulled my bra and grabbed my breasts. I was heavy chested, and I could sense that he became more excited. He then reached down and tore my panties. He acted like a hungry dog searching for food. He has been waiting to touch every inch of me for a long time now; and much patience brought him to this moment. He felt a sense of accomplishment and enjoyment.

"Stop, please" I pleaded.

The more I fought, the more aggressive he was, and became more excited. He unzipped his pants and exposed himself. He tried to secure it between my legs. My sudden abrupt move prevented him from penetrating me. Somehow I managed to cling my legs together and it startled him. He grabbed my face and squeezed without saying a word causing me a lot of pain.

The ground was unbearable beneath me but that was the least of my problems. I was overwhelmed with emotions and confusion. I thought of aunt Tina. How was I going to explain this to her? I thought of my neighbors, what will they say behind my back. and worst of all, if this man succeeded in taking control of my body, no one will marry me and my life will be over. I was not going to make it easy for him. I felt his grip loosened a little and I took the opportunity to hit his face.

That was a huge mistake on my part. He was infuriated. He did not expect to get hit so hard and that sudden move surprised him. He thought I was strong for a young girl and that excited him even more. My face knotted into a stressful grimace as I struggled to get away. I took a hard bite on his arm, penetrating his skin. I could taste the warm liquid seeping through my teeth but not much damage was done, at least I didn't think so.

To my surprise he did not make any sound and did not even flinch. He was full of adrenalin and wanted me even more now that I was fighting more.

"Please stop, I am begging you." I pleaded.

I was moaning with pain which confused him into thinking that I was enjoying this. The ground tearing into my back was very painful and unbearable. His heavy body pressed down on me, and he managed to pry my legs open.

"Oh no God please STOP"

I closed my eyes in disgust. And let out a desperate scream when he finally entered me. There was no turning back. I thought I was going to die; I did not know if there was any future left for me at this point. Tears began to fill my eyes. I have never experienced so much pain in my entire 15 years of life. I was devastated and my energy was drained out of me where I could no longer resist.

I stopped fighting because he was too strong. I stopped fighting because he was already inside of me pounding and making animal-like sounds. Everything was becoming a blur. I was no longer with myself. I was drowning in a waterless pit where I could no longer feel pain. My life couldn't possibly end this way. I wanted to vomit but my body went limp and felt that I was losing consciousness.