I used to love the new Facebook update.
I loved that you could now see exactly which friend reacted to a video on your newsfeed. It felt intimate, like you were seeing a little secret of what people really felt.
Now I hate it for the exact same reason.
My name is Hanna.
We've been talking for months, me and Drake. Four months of good mornings, of random "kaon na" texts, of him calling me when he couldn't sleep. I was hopelessly, faithfully believing that this time, I wasn't wasting my time. That this time, I would be chosen. Not taken for granted.
Then I saw it.
A sad video on my For You feed. White text on black background. The caption was:
> "loving you was never a mistake. dili man tika ma tawag nga akoa, but my heart still chooses you. these feelings are mine to bear and i accept them fully. so pasagdahi lang ko nga higugmaon ka, not to win you, not to change anything, but just to be true to what i feel. no pressure. just allow me nga ma feel nako ni tanan until it gently fades on its own"
And right there, at the top: Drake reacted 👍
He agreed. He felt that. But not for me.
I cried for an entire day.
When I finally confronted him, I thought he would leave. But he didn't. That was worse.
---
Hanna: I saw the video you reacted, Drake.
Drake: What video?
Hanna: The one that says "allow me to love you until it gently fades." Who is she?
Drake: ...It's nobody, Hanna.
Hanna: If it's nobody, why did you react like you meant it? That post was about still loving someone you can't have. So who is it? Is it me? Because that doesn't sound like how you love me.
Drake: [typing... then stops. typing again]
Drake: It's not you. Okay? It's about her. My ex.
Hanna: So you still love her?
Drake: I don't know. Maybe. I thought I was over it, but that video... it just described exactly how I feel. I'm trying to move on, Hanna. That's why I'm with you.
Hanna: What do you mean that's why you're with me?
Drake: I mean you're good for me. You make things quiet. You make me forget for a while. Isn't that enough for now?
Hanna: Enough for now? Drake, I'm not a "for now."
Drake: I didn't say that. Look, I'm here, right? I'm still here with you. I'm not leaving. I want this. I want us. I just need time for these feelings to fade. Slowly. On their own. Like the post said.
Hanna: So you're staying with me... while waiting for your feelings for me to fade? Or waiting for your feelings for HER to fade?
Drake: For everything to just... settle. Can't we just let it be? No pressure, Hanna. Just allow me to feel all of this until it gently fades on its own.
Hanna: You used her line on me.
Drake: Hanna, please. Don't make this harder.
Hanna: I think I finally get it. You're not staying because you choose me. You're staying because I'm convenient. I'm the soft heaven you run to while you wait to be okay again. I'm the distraction until you figure out what you really want in life.
Drake: That's not fair. I care about you.
Hanna: If you cared, you wouldn't keep me while your heart is still somewhere else. You would have let me go.
Drake: And if I let you go now, where would I go?
---
And that's the part that broke me the most.
He stayed.
He still texts me good morning. He still calls me at night. He still acts like my boyfriend.
But I know now. He's not planning a future with me. He's just waiting. Waiting for his feelings — for me, for her, for everything — to fade slowly, gently, until he can move on with his life without feeling guilty.
Those tiny bits of red I ignored? They weren't just dots. They were puzzle pieces of one giant red flag standing tall in front of my eyes.
I hate the new Facebook update for shattering my hopes. For making me see and read phrases I shouldn't have.
It made me look at him in a different light. Made me see exactly where I stand.
I hated it.
But I hate myself more — for staying even after I already know I'm just his waiting room.
The end.
