Everytime when I am with him, the comparison with my ex enter in my head. complain about maney Things. It is not fair to think this way but at some point I become bitch who think only her happiness. I remember one day I asked him why he like this? Why he is so boring? why he's life is so organised? why he never saw he's weakness to the world except to me? Sometimes I am tired to carry his heart broken stories, His painful struggle. repeated things makes me more exhausted then I thought. it's feel awkward when he cry in front of me. I can't stop him but do some condolence while taping his head.Rather than accepting his flaws, He try to convince me that in the future, he will be better person. But where I left him, he stay there almost whole night, but I left with expecting that he will move on too. who knew today I will enter his funeral house where every people's face with tears. I wonder if those tears real or fake. the picture of him is quite new, why not? it is his last picture which was I capture.Did not expect to see his picture decorated with flowers. his unsuccessful marriage partner also came to his funeral. She also cry too, but my wondering mind never stop to judging people emotion.When I heard his divorce news , rather than sad I kind of felt more relaxed. Yes, it sounds witch But somewhere at that time I was happy.I am still Standing and watching his picture but his wife, ohh I forget, his ex wife try to control her tears and sits silently. It's so disappointed that my tears not come yet, why? I don't know. in the past I do have love him, but those love not enough to cry after hearing his suicide news. But then a little boy suddenly appears his ex wife's front and called her mama. the name of jealous little by little increase from me . after age of 38, my love life disappear like never exist before. I can't even recall when I last fall in love with someone. My life is still goes on. I do work, makes money and travels with myself, but now I am Craving for the boy who hold his mama's hand with his little hand. ahh haaa, don't think too much I will not kidnap him.His mom's eyes turns to me once and gives me killer look. I am not afraid of her eyes. even in the past , when my boyfriend's ex give me Threat, I rather ignore them than fighting back. staying there is too much for me, So I came out from there and sits in my car. I wanted to cry so desperately but sadness of mine hides somewhere long ago. I tried to find but the darkness eats all and left only smile on my lips.
