INCREASED ENERGY AND POWERFUL FEELINGS.

Possessed by love, we aquire a great deal of energy, and we are at the mercy of powerful feelings: exhilaration, euphoria, buoyancy, spirituality, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, awkwardness, trembling, pallor, flushing, stammering, butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, weak knees, a pounding heart, and accelerated breathing— even panic or fear in the presence of our beloved. We are also subject to abrupt mood swings. If the relationship suffers a setback, we may fall into listlessness, brooding, and feelings of despair. As Freud said, “We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.”

Increased concentrations of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain have been shown to be associated with excessive energy, euphoria, loss of appetite, increased mental activity, hyperactivity, and decreased need for sleep—suggesting that these neurotransmitters contribute to the labile feelings associated with romantic attraction.

More Traits of Romantic Love

The remaining nine psycho-physiological traits that are commonly associated with romantic love do not as yet appear to have any direct correlation with dopamine, norepinephrine, or serotonin. Still, they may be associated with these neurochemicals in as yet undefined ways.

Lovers report feelings of emotional dependency on the relationship, coupled with changeable emotions, including hope, apprehension, possessiveness, jealousy, preoccupation with the beloved, vulnerability, fear of rejection, and separation anxiety. So lovers monitor their relationships. As Robert Graves put it, “listening for a knock; waiting for a sign.”

Those who are infatuated long for emotional reciprocity and emotional union with the beloved.

They feel a powerful sense of empathy toward the beloved, including a feeling of responsibility for the loved one and a willingness to sacrifice for him or her.

The love-possessed tend to reorder their daily priorities to become available to the beloved, and strive to make a favorable impression, by changing their clothing, mannerisms, habits, even their values.

Lovers may also experience what psychologists call the “Romeo and Juliet Effect” —an intensification of passionate feelings due to adversity.

Most people smitten by romantic love experience sexual desire for the beloved, coupled with the drive for sexual exclusivity. In fact, both men and women become ardently jealous if they suspect infidelity in a romantic partner. This desire for sexual exclusivity may be the most important evolutionary function of this emotion system: it drives partners to exclude other suitors, thereby insuring that courtship is not interrupted until insemination has been completed.

Yet, for those who are “in love,” the craving for emotional union often takes precedence over the desire for sexual union with the beloved. Sixty-four percent of both sexes in the survey I conducted disagreed with the statement, “Sex is the most important part of my relationship with _____”

The love-possessed also commonly report that their passion is involuntary and uncontrollable. “Love is like a fever,” wrote the French novelist Stendahl; “It comes and goes quite independently of the will.”

Romantic attraction is usually impermanent, ephemeral. Unless a physical or social barrier inhibits partners from seeing one another regularly, this passion eventually wanes. Scientists recently tried to establish the duration of infatuation. When Marazziti retested serotonin levels in the 20 infatuated men and women some 12 to 18 months after the lovers had started their romances, these levels had risen—becoming indistinguishable from those of the control group. On this basis, the researchers surmised that passionate romantic love generally lasts six to 18 months.

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