Chapter 4

☄️ Cyrus ☄️

Unlike back then, this time I won't mess it up.

Flashback: From the first time they met again in college.

Today for sure.

I'll call out to her...

I thought as I walked right behind her as she's preoccupied

Asteria

Asteria

I've always wanted to apologize to you.

"So Ae, I have no idea that you're studying here too." I said as I stooped down to look at her.

End of Flashback

I have always liked Asteria.

~ ☄️ ~

In the beginning, I simply couldn't get bored of looking at her.

Although she wasn't always smiling, her eyes always looked like they were.

They made her look like she was smiling even on the inside.

Flashback: During high school when the first time they spoke to each other.

I blushed as I watched her wipe the blackboard and thought that,

She's cute.

End of Flashback

We spent a lot of time with each other, going to school, studying during breaks, and even going home together.

Flashback: During high school

Those eyes are dangerous.

Without noticing that I was looking and without her noticing that she was being looked at,

I fell in love with her.

I want to try touching her.

I thought as I stared at her fluffy hair.

"Ah, Cy-- Cyrus" she said moaning my name.

I woke up with a jump from my bed that morning full of sweat after I dreamt of her doing something dirty with me.

I flipped my blanket open to see my lower half.

I paled when I found out that I had a wet dream about her.

~ ☄️ ~

What's going on?

I said as my mind wandered off.

Am I looking at Ae-ae with those intentions?

But Asteria is just my friend.

"Cy--Cyrus."

I snapped back to reality and saw the blushing mess Asteria hiding her face behind a book in front of me.

"Cy, why are you looking at me so much?" she asked embarrassed, "Do I look weird?"

I feel my blood run cold.

She found out that I was looking at her...!

No

No

No,

I'm not looking at her with those intentions!

I quickly got up from my seat and grabbed my water bottle and started walking away from her.

"I'm sorry, Cyrus!" she said as she tried chasing after me. "Did I do something wrong?"

I opened my water bottle to take a drink in order to quench my thirst and in an attempt to stabilize my breathing.

I felt her hand grab my uniform, I gritted my teeth and clenched my fist as I looked at her,

And that's when I poured water on her head.

"Don't look at me!" I shouted at her with my disgusted voice.

~ ☄️ ~

As the day passed by, she was constantly being bullied by her classmates as I turned my back on her.

There's this one guy from his class that stood out since he always bullied Asteria both physically and verbally,

His name is Xake* his group would often punch and beat her up as I left her suffer on her own as she's being pulled down to her own hell.

*Jake

~ ☄️ ~

Asteria...

I wonder why Asteria is weird.

Yes, she's cute but that doesn't mean her eyes are normal.

She's a monster.

Even though I've fallen in love with her this much.

~ ☄️ ~

"Ahh, I apologize for being so sudden and for only telling you this now," I heard Ae's class adviser say as I walked by their classroom to go to the comfort room, "but Miss Asteria Angeles has transferred schools."

*thump...*

...

*thump...*

...

*thump...*

...

I felt my whole body freeze up and my whole world stop as my breath got stuck on my throat, but despite these feelings...

... I felt relieved at that time.

I smiled as my body started shaking of both from fear and shock.

This way she will never be able to find out more about my feelings.

~ ☄️ ~

My school life after that was peaceful.

No feelings ever confused me.

"Thank you, but I'm sorry." I said to the girl who confessed to me.

~ ☄️ ~

"Cyrus, you're being called again!" I heard my classmate called me.

I stared at the eyes of the girl who called me to confess.

They kinda look the same as Ae's but not quite.*

*meaning the girl had the so-called "kitsune no me" in Japanese ("fox eyes" or "shifty eyes" in English ).

~ ☄️ ~

"Since you usually reject them, you should say yes sometimes." my friend said, "What kind of standards do you have?"

"Their eyes..."

I answered.

I didn't notice at that time that a smile crept up on my face.

~ ☄️ ~

"Cyrus, do you really like me?" my girlfriend cried in front of me. "I've had enough."

~ ☄️ ~

I opened the now empty classroom of Asteria and I didn't notice that I sat on top of her former desk where we used to study.

I don't have someone...

... Who I really like...

Her smiling face suddenly flashed on my mind.

I didn't notice that tears are already flowing down my face as I come to a realization that...

I like Asteria.

I told myself.

I couldn't deny it.

I placed my hands on my eyes as the tears didn't stop from falling.

I couldn't forget it either.

I finally gave up against my feelings.

I want to see Asteria again.

I'll apologize.

I want to talk to her like we did before the bullying started.

~ ☄️ ~

Timeskip: During the first time they met in college. Refer to chapter 1.

*thump*

She scrambled away in fear as she tried to get away from me as-soon-as-possible.

*thump*

I feel my chest tightened as I watch her running figure disappear into the crowd.

It makes sense.

I feel my breath stuck up on my throat.

She really hated me this much.

I can't scare her.

I have to act naturally like it's nothing.

I told myself as we slowly grew closer to each other every day as I tried my best in an effort to regain our relationship.

End of Flashback

~ ☄️ ~

In order to start over, the only thing I can do is pretend that the past never happened.

But Asteria was still cute as always.

"Want some?" she asked me as she lifted a slice of strawberry cake in front of me which I accepted happily.

As I was chewing the cake, I stared at her face as she enjoyed eating the cake in front of her as she kept on saying, "It's good." repeatedly.

I stared at her lovingly.

Flashback: Refer to chapter 1. Confession in front of the fountain.

She's so cute.

I thought as I stared at her panting figure as she looked up at me.

I didn't know what's going on with me at that time, my body just moved on its own.

"...Like you." I said as I grabbed her arm. "I like you, Asteria." I felt really nervous.

"Go out with me."

I didn't want to hand her over to anyone.

I hugged her tightly as she said yes to my confession.

But even then, Asteria accepted my feelings.

I can't believe it.

Inside Asteria, was her opinion of me rewritten? I thought as I snuggled close to her.

Timeskip: Beach

I'm happy.

Just happy.

I thought as I stared at her face as she took pictures of the sea.

Even though I'm happy, there's a me that doesn't believe this is right.

I wonder why she went out with someone like me.

She was that scared of me...*

*refer to chapter 1 when she tried to avoid him.

There's no way she fell in love with me.

After all, Asteria was crying when I confessed to her.

Wasn't she really against it because she was scared of me?

She just couldn't reject me...

That's why at any time, I'm afraid of seeing a part of Asteria rejecting me.

Timeskip: Bed Scene

I slowly laid her down the bed as I stared at her blindfolded eyes.

This way I won't be able to see that...

I'm glad that Asteria is weak to pleasure.

I thought as I thrusted in between her thighs.

At the very least I can immediately satisfy her body.

Indulge yourself more and more in making love with me.

I wanted to tell her these words.

The only person who can love you is me, you know?

"Do you want me to touch you?" I asked her.

She nodded in response.

I used kissing and making love to her as an excuse.

I looked at her sadly.

The me who wants to her want me is so pathetic.

But you know,

You know, Asteria,

Even if you don't like me, I won't do anything that you don't like anymore.

Timeskip: Buying Asteria's gift

"Please wrap it up as a present." I told the woman as she carefully placed the black phone case inside the gift wrap.

I won't hurt you.

I'll be kind to you, so please fall inlove with me one day.

"This is the happiest I've been" she said while crying, "ever since I was born."

My eyes widened at that.

I feel happy.

I'm glad.

End of Flashback

~ ☄️ ~

Asteria hasn't come yet.

I thought as I was scanning the room.

"Ae..." I whispered as I softly tapped the screen of my phone when it suddenly light up and vibrated, indicating that I received a message.

I opened the message and saw that it was from Asteria.

Cy. Help me.

....!

I quickly stood up in shock and fixed my things to leave, I tried to calm myself down in order to think straight.

"Cyrus, where are you going?" a blonde girl asked me as I was leaving the room.

"Apparently Asteria caught a cold, and no one's home." I replied emotionless.

"Even then, we have class..." she said flustered but I just ignored her.

I don't even remember who she was.

"... Asteria, Asteria," anger lacing her voice "Cyrus, do you like her? That's disgusting."

I stopped walking, still in shock.

I turned around and walked towards her, I leaned in and whispered to her. "Even if you say unpleasant things and force them to look at you, it doesn't mean that you'll get them to fall in love with you."

I said while smiling at her and her face became red and didn't say anything else because of embarrassment.

~ ☄️ ~

"Cy."

That was the first thing that she said after opening the door of her house.

"Ae," I said gasping for air. "Are you okay? I got what you asked for." I said as I entered her house and opening the paper bag.

"Sorry about that." she said.

"Where's your room?" I asked her. "On the second floor."

"I spilled milk," as my eyes spotted the spilled carton of fresh milk on the floor. "and I kinda became unable to do anything."

"I really wanted you to help me..." she said while leaning her head and touching my back.

I blushed and felt my heart beat fast.

~ ☄️ ~

"I'll go clean up downstairs. Go rest, Ae."

I said as I tucked her in bed.

I went downstairs and saw her phone on the floor,

She left her phone out in the open.

I thought as I fiddled it with my hands.

Ah, it turned on.

Her memos appeared.

I started scrolling through the screen.

So she makes a rough draft of her messages before sending them.

You're in class right? I'm really sorry about this, but I don't have anything to drink.

I have a fever, I feel tired.

I've already gotten much better, but if you're free today, on the way home

If you could, on the way home

I started scrolling again until a certain memo caught my attention.

I wonder if I'll see Cyrus today.

I want to see him.

Asteria was hesitating so much,

I blushed.

But she still turned to me for help.

I continued scrolling.

Perhaps, maybe I was just over thinking it.

*stops*

I stopped scrolling, I feel my whole world stop as I stared at those words.

I'm sorry, Cyrus.

I want to break up.

I felt my heart stop beating for a second.

...

I knew it.

There's no way that would be true.

I placed her phone on the kitchen table as I headed towards the kitchen sink. I opened the faucet and started washing my hands.

While I, the bully remembers it this much, it's not like Asteria, the person who was bullied, has forgotten.

I turned off the faucet as I slowly feel my hands tremble.

Even though she didn't like it, she went out with me.

I headed towards her room as I slowly climbed up the stairs.

No matter how kind I am to her, I can't change her heart.

Even if she smiles, even if she looks happy.

Even if we embraced each other, one day she'll want to break up.

She'll want to break up.

"Wah--"

I opened the door to her room and saw her changing her shirt.

"U--um, it was sweaty, so..." she said embarrassed.

She tried covering her chest but failed, my eyes wandered down her ******. Without knkwing that my body moved on its own, I walked towards her bed and stood there, staring at her.

Her nipples are small.

I thought while blushing.

It perked up.

"P--please don't look..." she said embarrassed and covered her chest properly this time.

I feel my face heat up this time.

I wonder why Asteria is this cute.

Even though I fell in love with her this much.

I wonder why Asteria won't fall in love with me...

" Cy--Cyrus." she said blushing. "You've gotten hard."

!

I quickly looked down and saw my hard thing, making a large bump on my pants.

"Should I" she said as she crawled on her bed and touched my thing through my pants "help you ***?" she shyly asked.

My eyes widened at this

Although she wants to break up, she still wants to do things like that.

I thought that it was fine that way too...

But the fact that it's all she wants to do makes me feel so empty.

I gritted my teeth then said coldly, "Then do it with your mouth."

She looked both shock and hurt but then she proceeded on unzipping my pants slowly as my thing hits the side of her cheeks.

She placed my thing on front of her face which looked really erotic just like in porn, but even better.

"Huff"

I breathed heavily.

"Huff"

She started licking the head of my shaft and slowly pushed the head inside her mouth then proceeded on licking the sides.

"Put it in your mouth." I said while groaning and smiling at her.

I ignored the tears on her eyes as she continued on sucking me.

I became impatient and forced my thing into her mouth making her gag, I thrusted into her mouth violently as she continued on sucking and licking me.

"Mn"

"Nh"

She moaned out.

"Asteria," I groaned "so you get hard while having mine in your mouth.

The tears in her eyes continued flowing down her eyes.

Speaking of which, I didn't blindfold her.

I thought as I soflty held her head as she continued on pleasuring me.

"Mn"

"Nn"

"Nn"

But now, I already know her feelings.

Even if I continued to pretend to not notice, the truth will never change.

"How lewd" I said slightly mocking her.

Asteria doesn't like me.

"Huff"

"Huff"

"--I" I closed my eyes as I feel myself climax, "I'm cumming...--"

I pushed her head and cummed into her throat.

*splurt*

She quickly pulled away as she gasped for air and started coughing uncontrollably, "Huff..." and then she collapsed on her bed as she lost her consciousness.

"ASTERIA!"

~ ☄️ ~

"Huff"

"Huff"

Her breathing became less heavier now.

Flashback: Kiss on the beach. Refer to chapter 2.

"It's because I'm an adult." I said as I stretched out my hand to help her get up.

End of Flashback

I haven't grown up at all.

I softly touched her tear-stained face.

I don't want to hurt Asteria anymore.

I don't want her to hate me any more than this.

Even though I planned on not messing up this time, I wonder why it ended up like this.

Flashback:

"Even if you say unpleasant things and force them to look at you, it doesn't mean that you'll get them to fall in love with you."

End of Flashback

Those words came back to me.

I sadly thought as I held her hand close to my lips.

"I'm sorry..."

I whispered to her.

Before I hurt her even more, I wonder if I'll be able to set her free.

I cried into her hands as I remembered everything in our past.

☄️ Asteria ☄️

I didn't want to see it.

I looked into his eyes as he coldly looked down on me.

So when he makes love with me, Cyrus makes that cold face.

I messaged Cyrus during class because I felt lonely...

So he may have been mad at me.

But Cyrus was the only person who came to mind that time when I spilled the milk.

Even then, Cyrus came over.

His pating face came to mind as I he rushed over to help me.

And after that, he held my hand.

I like him.

I feel my eyes start watering again.

I really do.

I was extremely happy.

I stared at his picture in my phone.

So much that I thought I didn't deserve it.

It was different from middle school.

I wanted everything to just be over.

That was how I spent my every day.

Compared to that, I hoped this time would last as long as possible.

I would take care so that it wouldn't fall apart.

It was almost like I was wishing every day.

Since it will remain even after its over.

End of Chapter 4

~ ☄️ ~

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Note: The Eyes Always Shut anime trope refers to characters whose eyes are usually shut - whether it be because their eyes are naturally narrow or on purpose - except on special occasions when the characters become so emotional that their eyes pop out at you.)

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