prologue

hey my name is aliza. I am a 21 year old woman with one child. Son? Yeah, right. I have children. A son to be precise. My husband? Don't ask who he is. I don't even want to bring it up, yes but no matter what in a moment I'll tell you about it. Not because I want to, but because you really have to know about it. Well what can I say, the mess of my life started because of it. I'm not a wife. Because basically I'm not married yet. Yes, then how can I have a child? It just happened. At that time I was working at a bar. I was forced to work there because the amount of the salary is quite large. Even though I only lifted a few boxes of drinks, because at that time I was working in the warehouse. Sometimes the bar owner offered me to work at the bartender as a waiter, but of course I refused. Because I'm actually a good person. Not pretending to be holy. I used to be a typical woman who always took care of herself. It is the result of my adoptive mother's upbringing. Yes, her name is Ratih. He has no family. Because she said her family kicked her out because she was slandered by her ex-husband

From what I heard from mom, mama found me in the garden with a piece of paper with my name on it. Yes, of course, without the frills of my biological family name. It's just aliza. Talking about my adoptive mother, I feel very useless. She is beautiful, but chooses not to marry. Whenever I asked the reason, she would say that she was not interested in having a husband because she already has a child like me.

Yes, even though I know that all this time, every man who proposes to her always runs away if my mother has introduced me as her son.

Come to think of it, who would want to marry a poor woman with one child? Yes, even though Mom is beautiful. But all that does not guarantee that every man will receive it.

And behold, now my mother is old and not yet married. And that's of course because of me. I'm really just a burden, right?

It reminded me of how my mother worked so hard, collecting some used cardboard boxes to sell to cover my school fees. And the result is that I managed to graduate from high school with the results of my hard work. I really love him. Really, really love him.

That's why I chose to work at that time. Hope I can be of some use and not bother him.

I used to work at a restaurant, but my boss, who at that time already had a wife, was attracted to me. I got really annoyed at that point and then chose to quit and look for another job.

I also worked at a convenience store. I was a cashier at that time. But another problem arose again. There are some men with bad temper who always tease me and sometimes they even harass me. Like touching my hand when they are about to pay etc.

I was really frustrated and then chose to find another job.

In the end, one day I met an old man who really likes to make handicrafts from plastic materials. do a named thomas. The old man offered me to work at his bar. He said I could work as a waiter or whatever because of my charming face. At first I refused. Hearing the name of the bar, the hair on my neck was already bristling. What I can imagine is how many sinners are there? And it's absolutely impossible for someone like me to enter such a dirty place.

But it looks like fate is starting to play games with my world. Mom's condition suddenly got bad. Yes, mama is old. So naturally, he was sick. As a filial son I should take care of him right? But with what? With money? How can I have a job even I don't have.

At that moment I thought of Mr. Thomas. I visited him and talked about everything.

After asking a few questions, finally Mr. Thomas said that he also needed a courier in the warehouse. The salary is quite high. Because I thought it was a little bit safe, I finally accepted it without thinking.

Without knowing a more complicated problem will actually twist me later.

Yes, after working there for 3 months I feel safe. Because my job is just to move drinks only. No more harassment, no more tugging from a wife because their husbands are attracted to me. But my life started to be different after the incident at that time. Yes, when a man was drunk and even lost towards the warehouse where I worked. The man just came out of the bar and ended up at my place.

I don't know how it started. All I know is that man kissed me forcefully, I rebelled but the confinement was incredibly strong. I can't do anything. Ask for help ? My throat is dry and silent because no one heard my scream. Everything just happened. Yes, that day my chastity was snatched away by him in an unworthy place, without ties and worse I didn't know him.

That day I felt really dirty. Enough already. This is truly a major disgrace in my life. Not enough neighbors who always insulted my mother that my mother was pregnant outside of marriage. And of course I always yell at them if my mom isn't what they think. How can they tease my mother who is clean and has a noble heart? But what should I do when my current self has been tainted by a man I don't know? I have always said that my mother and I are good people, is it still appropriate for me to say that when I have experienced this disgusting thing myself?

I'm ashamed of mom, I'm ashamed of them, but I'm even more ashamed of myself.

I was really down at that time. I hid it. Even though my tears are spilled every night. I keep working as usual even though I always tremble when I remember the shadows. I was so scared. That disgrace, how can I make up for it?

And that day he came. Yes, that man. The man who defiled me. He apologized to me. Should I apologize? Not. My little heart still doesn't accept it My purity is not comparable to the forgiveness he uttered. The word sorry can't turn things around. The word sorry can't return what I've been keeping so far.

Then what that man did next made me feel humiliated. He gave me money that I can't count. Again he gave me MONEY! .

Am I a despicable ***** in her eyes? Is my rank equal to those who peddle themselves regardless of their honor as a woman?

Oh it hurts. I'm not that kind of despicable person! I'm not those who need money and are willing to dirty their bodies just because of money! I'm not that low !!

At that moment, my anger exploded.

I still remember what I said at that time.

"Just because my job is low in your eyes doesn't mean you can insult my honor !! Just because of my shabby appearance, doesn't mean you are free to do anything to me and intend to cover my mouth with your money bastard !!!"

Yes I said that. My tears really broke at that time. All he said was sorry and sorry. Hahahahahaha what a bitch isn't it?

Almost every day the man came to see me at work. Mrs. Thomas didn't mind his presence. I think that man has such a big influence that Mr. Thomas was made not moved by him.

He was always present at that time, giving me some things I didn't ask for and I was sure that I would never be able to buy them even if I gave my salary for a year to cover one item he gave him. I keep all that stuff. I never used it once. I didn't accept it because I wanted to. Because if I refuse he won't take it back. Just put it down on the road and then leave it.

I'm sure that guy has everything. Yes, the typical guy I don't like. Men like them would find it easy to have everything. Look, his attitude so far wasn't just to make me mum because of the mistakes he made?

I've never been to it. Not even to stare at him. He tells a lot of things, even though out there I know that he's not the type to talk a lot. But when he met me he was a very talkative person. He even often complained about what he was going through and of course I didn't respond as usual. Its presence was quite like that. He who comes every day with one or two expensive items and then keeps them near me, then starts telling stories about many things and then apologizes. After that he went home. So every day.

Even though I didn't respond he still did.

In a way, I told him only once. Yes, the moment after that dark incident happened. Our meeting was the first time after that. When I get angry and pour my emotions on him. Yes, only then. After that I didn't respond to even glancing at him.

Until one day, the man started behaving strangely. Not drunk or anything. But he said things that made no sense to Aliza. Ah so absurd. How can he say that he loves me when what he has done? What did he like about me when all this time I never even wanted to look at him to even say one word for him? He said that he loved me long before that bad incident happened. Ahahahah what else is that stupid statement? At that time I was really disgusted by him. Is he a lonely man? But if you look at money, the man is rich. He can spend his money on doing things or buying something that can cheer him up. for the face, the guy is handsome. Yes, I admit it. If that man can improve his character and not do that mistake, you could say that man is in the ranks of men who might catch my attention. Maybe.

And what did he hear then? Confession of love? really stupid.

Has that man gone mad? Ok if the guy is desperate because I haven't apologized yet. But is it because of that, precisely this effect? That guy went crazy and made him say nonsense to me?

Very stupid. At that time I tapped his shoulder and held him for the first time.

"Just realize your mistake and don't do it again to other people, then I will forgive you" that's what I told him. She smiled at me. A sincere smile that makes my heart pound. I don't know what causes it. Is it because of her smile?

Then do you know what he said at that time?

"If no man wants to marry you. Come to me"

Is that a curse? The curse that I can't have a husband in the future?

I don't know, I don't know. What I know after that day, that man never appeared again. Yes, the man disappeared like dust in the wind. Fly without a trace. Leaving me and also the seeds that have now been born. The only thing I know from him is his face. Only the face.

"I could forget you, but I don't want to. Because after you are gone, only the memories remain. Let all the memories stay where they are."

Yes, I can forget it. But there is a part of this little heart that asks me not to forget it. I don't know what. I don't know myself.

Even for my feelings so far. I do not know.

But sometimes there are times when this heart prays. Not a prayer that came out of my mouth. But pure in my heart A prayer prayer that even raises a question mark by me

"Hopefully your departure will only be temporary, not forever"

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***