Regret 2

I'm shaking when I opened the door of my car. I can't move my feet to step down.

I am here in a funeral chapel where my son's wake is resting. I feel like my feet became frozen. I can't step and I don't want to. I'm so afraid to see the reality.. I still don't want to believe about my son. no I don't want to believe it. but I need to see.. I want to see him. I want to see my wife if how is she..I 'm sure she's not okay right now. who wouldn't be?

finally my legs started to move and I made a step toward the entrance of the funeral chapel. each step closer I feel like my heart will get outside my chest.. I feel so nervous and afraid.

when I reached the entrance, there are some people probably giving symphaty to my family. I know some of them but I can't recognize the others. I saw the casket .... the casket where my son is lying in. my son.... I started to cry..I'm shaking even more.

then I saw Jannah..

she's coming toward me and her eyes is blazing with so much anger, full of sorrow.

I felt a hard slap on my face. I felt my face got numb.

"HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE HERE??!!"

she's shouting at me with full of pain and anger.

"J-Jannah I-Im----"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO GO HERE! IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU KILLED MY SON! YOU ARE CRIMINAL!" she's hitting me continuously. I can't say anything. I feel her pain and it pains me more.

"J-Janna I'm here to--"

" I DON'T CARE! GET OUT OF HERE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU JERK! CRIMINAL! " she's shouting with full of her streng. I can see the veins in her neck. the people started to whisper in eachother.

"Janna please listen to me. I do not know--"

"Of course you do not know.." she said while crying. she calmed but she can't hide the pain in her eyes. " you do not know because you left" she continued saying full of bitterness. "You left! you left us! you left your wife and went to someone! you left your son!" she said with a greeted teeth.

I bowed my head. I do not know what to say because what's she's saying is true.. it so true. I left them, my son died because I left them and I am the one to blame. I cried harder.. I feel no energy. I'm feeling weak. everyword she said is like a knife strucking my chest. it hurts.. it hurts me that I am the reason why she's hurting like this.

"and now your here? why are you here? to see my situation? to see how miserable I am after you left? to see my son lifeless??!!" she said. her voice is getting load again.

"I'm--Im sorry" I kneeled down in her feet. I cried and hug her legs but she removed my arms in her legs like she doesn't to feel my touch because I have leprocy.

"don't touch me! you don't have the right to touch me!"

"Jannah please I want to see my son! please let me see my son even once" I pledded

"You don't have the right! you killed him! you don't have the right to see him!"

"Jannah please. even once! just this time"

"get out of here!"

"no Jannah please just this time. just once!"

"no! get out before the security guard pull you out!"

she said full of authority.

"no. I won't go" I said full of determination

" get out or I call the police?" she said getting impatient.

"no Jan---" "I SAID GET OUT!!!!" she shouted "Get out! get out of my life!!" she's s shouting while pushing me toward the door.

I can't do nothing but to leave. maybe she needs time. even though I badly wants to see my child, I can't push my self inside because I don't want her to get hurt more. I can't stop crying.. I'm still here outside the funeral chapel. I don't care if people are starting at me and talking about me.. I want to cry! I want to cry in heaven. I know this is my karma.. this is the payment of the foolishness that I've made. now my son is dead and my wife despise me. I do not know what to do right now. I know that I've sinned but God, oh God please help me! I can't back the past.. I can't change the past. but please give me one more chance.. give me one more chance. I want her forgiveness..

I stayed outside crying then I entered my car and start the engine.. I'm still crying.. I don't know when it will stop. my tears are just contineously falling down on my cheeks and I let it happen. I lety self cry harder inside my car.. I stopped by along the sidewalk. I can't drive with this situation.. I cried and cried and let out the pain I am feeling right now. I didn't cried like this before.. it's just so painful that I feel like my heart is crashing in to pieces.

my son... my wife.. my family...

in just a week.. everything is ruined.. and it's because of me.. I ruined everything.. I ruined my family.. I ruined my wife and... I killed my son....

I killed my son..

I killed my son...

I hope I am the one who died.. why should it be him? why should it be my son?

what will happen to me now? How can I live again? how can I start again?

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***