Episode 5

Roxanne shifted around as she gazed at the darkness around her. “Where are you? I can help you!” She yelled, as she went running but with no specific location. A screech rang through her ears as Roxanne skidded to a halt, falling against the ground around her. The screams didn’t stop though, they just started to drown out her ears along with the screech.

No no no. The reapers were dead! She remember destroying them, yet the echo in her ear didn’t stop. She failed! Everyone was dying. As she blinked her eyes she saw a flash of her friends limp on the ground. Their lifeless eyes stared at her as they didn’t move. Tali, Samara, Thane, Garrus, Ashley, all of them. Roxanne’s mouth hung open as she fell down onto her knees.

The warmth of liquid moved against her legs as she looked down at her hands. The crimson color of red coated her hands like paint as her eyes widen. There was so much, everywhere. It seemed endless as it flooded around the pile of people she stared at.

“No, this can’t be happening.”

“You have failed. You will always fail. In the end, you all fail.” The echo of the reaper’s voice flooded Roxanne’s mind.

“You did this!” Roxanne yelled as tears streamed from her eyes, staring at all of her comrades and friends lifeless and not moving. Her hands reached for her weapon as she pointed it toward the glowing red point. “The least I can do is finish this! This will only end when I’m dead!” She yelled at the glowing red lights all around--

“Roxanne! Shepard!” The voice caught her off guard. Her eyes blinked a few times as she realized she hadn’t been lying down in bed anymore. The last thing she remembered was curling up beside Garrus and feeling exhausted in all the right ways. Her eyes caught the pistol in her hand as she dropped it to the ground.

“Garrus,” She whispered as she reached up and rubbed her forehead. Sweat covered her face as she stared at her hands. Even though her dream vividly showed her hands covered in blood, it was no longer there. But she still felt the warmth as if it was there. “I’m fine, I just need a shower.” She said as she moved away from the room and into the bathroom.

The look on Garrus’ face left her shocked. He looked fearful and yet determined. She knew he wouldn’t just let himself get shot by her but the idea she held a gun up against him. Yet another thing to worry about. She knew it was getting worse but she refuse to accept the help. She wanted no one else burden by the guilt she felt.

She tapped on the panel a few times as the water turned on, immediately steaming up the room as she ripped off the teddy she wore without even caring if it was damaged in the process. The water hit her body as a soft ah escaped her lips. But instead of washing up all she did was stand there.

The water current ran against her scalp as she brushed her fingers through her hair and untangling it the best she could. She took her time washing her hair, lathering up the shampoo scent as she was determined to try and wash away the fear and low self-esteem that covered her thoughts. It didn’t take long to get done with her shower as the water turned off and she climbed out with the towel wrapped around her body. She took a second one as she wrapped it through her hair.

Slipping out of the shower, she saw Garrus sitting in bed while reading a book. His eyes turned up immediately toward her as concern laced through them. “Roxie, you had me worried.” The urgency on his words made her moved over toward him and she touched his face and pecked his lips.

“Bad nightmare.” She whispered against his lips and he raised a brow.

“That was a little more than a bad nightmare. Really, Roxie, what’s wrong?” He asked, as he pulled her into his lap. She sat there and glanced toward him. Roxanne sat there for a moment in silence. She thought maybe she might have avoided telling him the full extent of her thoughts, but there was no getting around it.

“Garrus, I told you yesterday that I fear to lose you. Its, its not just that. Everything I do, so much has been lost. Will I ever be worthy of everything people see in me. All these titles, all these medals and awards. Are they even worth it? They always seem to give me medals when I have lost so many lives. I don’t want to be awarded for the deaths I have witness and even caused. I had to decide who to sacrifice, each and every time.” She paused in her thoughts as she leaned against his chest. Her eyes closed as she shook her head. “Seran made me decide between two of my closest friends. I sacrificed him, it should have been me. And then the collectors, all those colonies. Yeah, we were working with Cerberus but what if, what if I hadn’t been? Maybe I could have saved more people. They were all about the ends justify the means but I can’t handle the idea that they purposely sacrificed colonies just so we can learn more about them. And then the reapers came, and I left earth. I left it. Yeah, I gather others together but I left so many innocent people, people I could have saved. Men, women, children.”

Her hand reached up and brushed over her forehead as she shook her head. “I’m not a hero.” She whispered as Garrus turned her face toward him and stared her in the eye.

“Listen to me. You have always done your best for everyone around you. You’ve given your life, quite literally, to help everyone around you. The decisions you’ve been given never were black and white. They were always the worse. And you had to choose between the two, which was best. You have always held yourself to pick the best option you had at the time. You are a hero, the one the world needed when we needed you.” Garrus spoke with such a passion that Roxanne couldn’t look away from him. “You saved so many people and you saved me. You showed me that you can always do the right thing even in the worse of situations. Roxanne, don’t doubt yourself. You use sound judgment and moral decisions when others would give up so easily. I know you have it in you, you always have.”

A deep breath ran through Roxanne’s lips, as she gazed toward Garrus. She believed him, but she still doubted that she was this hero now that her past was here. But she would bury it for now. There were deeper things to worry about then ‘Am I a hero?’ questions.

“Alright.” she said and stood up. “Okay, you ready to do this thing?” She asked as she dropped the towel and slipped through the dresser. When she didn’t receive an answer, she glanced over to Garrus who was promptly staring at her.

“Garrrrus?” She said, as he blinked and looked over to her.

“Oh, yes, I’m ready to go.” Roxanne immediately started laugh as she pulled her undergarments on then throwing on a shirt and jeans. Her fingers secured a holster around her arms, a pistol on both sides before throwing on a jacket as well. Winter was on the air and she had no plans to get herself sick in this weather.

Roxanne’s fingers laid upon the weapon  as she climbed into the hover car. Garrus climbed in the other side as she set the directions and the blast from the engine came to live from behind. She steered the vehicle in silence, though at times she would glance over at Garrus. A silent reminder that she wasn’t in this alone. But part of her, she knew she would have to do it alone in the end. She couldn’t risk his life no matter how much he claimed he wouldn’t let her do this alone. She wanted him alive, to carry on.

Once they had arrived, she lowered the vehicle down and turned it off. “I’m not sure what we will encounter Garrus.” Roxanne said as she looked over to Garrus.

“I’m always prepared Shepard. You should know this.” He said, as he patted her leg. “Come on, let’s find the information we need.” Roxanne nodded, as she climbed out of the vehicle and headed toward the shop. The fragrance of the flowers filled her nose of all kinds. Some sweet, others filed with sharp spices. This wasn’t the Kyna she remembered. Kyna gladly destroyed, she was a pyromaniac and yet here she was growing flowers as if they were children.

It all felt odd. “Can I help you?” A voice emerged from the back as Roxanne laid her eyes upon Kyna. She looked much older now, the blue spiked hair now replaced with blond locks that flowed down her back. But it was Kyna, there was no doubt about it because of the tattoo she saw on her neck.

“Kyna?” Roxanne spoke in shocked as she rested her hands on the counter.

“Yes? Do I know you?” She questioned but Roxanne could tell that Kyna was experiencing the same thoughts as she was.

“Its Roxanne, Roxanne Shepard.” Roxanne finally spoke, still finding it hard to see her old friend. The two of them had been comrades for many years while in the gang, and it was hard to confront the past one more. They had both split directions and yet, how things always manage to come full circle.

“Shep? This has to be a trick, why would you come see me?” Kyna spoke, her eyes widen and a tension in her neck. Just as Roxanne took a step forward Kyna took a step backwards. Her eyes trailed between Roxanne and Garrus, as if this whole thing was a joke. Roxanne reached forward toward her hand but Kyna took several steps backwards.

“Look, whatever happened, I’ve said nothing. Nothing at all. Please, I’ve heard what’s been going on, just spare me.” Kyna pleaded. Roxanne looked over to Garrus as the both looked confused.

“Kyna? We aren’t going to do anything, we just had some questions.” Garrus spoke up toward her, as Kyna glanced between the two. “How about you talk with her alone Shepard? She might respond better.” Garrus said, as he took a step out the door, allowing the bell to ding softly and the two were left alone.

Roxanne wasn’t even sure where to began, but it was obvious her old title was striking fear into people like she’s never seen before. “Kyna, I’m no longer the Angel of Darkness. I left that title behind the moment we left the gang. Please, tell me what is going on.” Kyna looked around as if looking for extra ears.

“Come, we need to speak in a more private area. Where I know no one can hear.” Kyna said, as she placed her hand on the panel. IT glowed red for a moment before the VI spoke up and allowed her access. Roxanne moved around the counter, slipping into the room as the door shut. Several lights sparked to life as she moved over to the table and the chair. “Give the VI a minute to initiate protocol.” Kyna said, as it took a moment before a ding echoed in the room. “There.”

Roxanne glanced around and raised a brow. “This is an odd place for a flower shop.” She said slightly judgmental but more confused.

“I have this in case someone from the gang decides to show up and cause trouble. It's defensible and allows me access to call for help. I prefer not to fight anymore.” Kyna said with a smile. “Not that I can’t but, well, if I do we know how old habits die hard.”

If it was any other day, Roxanne may have been laughing. But with the situation on edge, Roxanne couldn’t even think about silly antics right now. Instead, she leaned forward, her arms resting on the table. “I understand. But I have some questions. Why did you think I was the Angel? What is going on with the gang?” Straight to the point. Roxanne wasn’t playing games, she needed answers and she needed them now.

“Look, I don’t think it was you but the gang, they’ve nearly taken over half of Dublin streets and underground world. All the gangs answer to this Angel of Darkness. If I didn’t react as if I knew, they would come after me.” Roxanne raised a brow, as she leaned back and her arms crossed over her chest. Kyna took a deep breath and leaned forward. “This has been going on for years now, even during the invasion of the reapers. With their attention elsewhere, the gangs acted like nothing was going on. They took the moment to take control. Now the Angel is the top ‘dog’ around here.” Roxanne thought about this, as it reminded her a little bit of Omega. But she refused to allow a gang to take our, especially here of all places.

“Seems like I’ll just have to stop that, won’t I?” Roxanne said as Kyna shook her head.

“It's not that easy. No one even knows where the Angel is located. She’s always moving, changing. And will all the gangs under her thumb, she’s practically got an army.” Somehow, that statement made Roxanne smile. She gave a small shrug and glanced to Kyna.

“I took down the reapers Kyna. I have my own little army I can take up against them. We’ll put an end to this.”

Kyna didn’t look convinced, but she gave a small nod. “I wish I had more information but I don’t. Just, don’t underestimate the Angel. She’s ruthless, and she’s really turned her name into something that people fear. You made it respectable, but now, now they are out or blood. They aren’t some second rate gang anymore, they are the mafia. IT's a kill or be killed game now.” The lights flashed inside the room as Shepard glanced around. Out of nowhere, the lights exploded as Shepard jumped over the table, diving at Kyna and pulling her underneath the table.

“THEY KNOW!” Kyna yelled as she looked to Shepard.

“Let them know, can you get us out of this room?” Kyna shook her head, as she saw the panel flashing red from the inside.

“There’s no way. the only means to open up the connection can only be made from the outside.” Roxanne immediately started up her Omni-tool, trying to establish a connection with Garrus. At the same time, a click and whoosh of sound came from the vents above. Roxanne looked up to see a small billow of cloudy smoke coming into the room.

“Damn, these people really like using fire.” She hissed, and glanced to Kyna. “Your the fire expert, you know what to do. Give me a minute while I establish a connection.” She told KYna while her fingers worked to try and get ahold of Garrus. At the same time, she could hear the slam of something from the outside. “GARRUS?” She said, but she glanced to Kyna who shook her head.

“Its soundproof. No one can hear you.” Kyna said, as she got up and moved over to the panel, her fingers scrambling against the flashing red but a loud blaring noise echoed inside. Shepard reached around her shirt, pulling it over her nose as she tried to muffle out the smoke and stop her coughing. Kyna had done well to ensure that no one could hack in or out but that also left them with little ability to escape this situation.

“How many times have you been told, Shepard? How many times?” The echoing voice of a man came over her Omni-tool as a picture came up.

“Finch.” Roxanne said as she glared her eyes at him. “Again with this not in person shit?” She growled only to lead into a cough. The smirk she saw on his face left a bitter taste on her tongue.

“Angel wants me to give you a message. Make a choice. You can sit here and try and save Pyro or you can go to the direct source.” Finch spoke with a poison on his tongue, tempting her. Roxanne glanced to Kyna and shook her head.

“I’m not going to let her die!” She yelled at him, knowing that she was missing a valuable chance here. They kept tempting her, teasing her with her desire to always save another soul. How many times would they do this before it happened? Before she finally lost someone? No, she would fight. She would try and find the source of this message, but after she got them out of this situation. “Come on Kyna.” Shepard said, as she pushed off the ground, taking the chair on top of the desk and slammed at the panel above. After a few attempts to break the panel, she got annoyed and took her pistol from inside her outfit and shot at it a few times. “Open. Up. Now!” Shepard hissed as she hit the panel with the back of the pistol and a snap finally cracked.

The smoke started to cause her eyes to burn, as she reached down to Kyna, helping her up as she climbed into the top of the building first and helped Kyna behind her. “Keep close.” She said, a cough on her lips as she moved through the panels. She could hear the creaking of the metal and took a right, before she stopped. The metal was getting hot as she shifted backwards. “They set the place on fire.” She whispered, as she looked to Kyna.

“How do we get out of here?” Shepard spoke with urgency as Kyna pointed backwards. “If we head toward the back, there should be another room. That should lead us to the emergency exit.”  Roxanne waved her hand letting Kyna take the lead.

There was little that could be done by her hand at the moment. But part of her was getting tired already of this game of cat and mouse. They were toying with her, messing with her pride and she was getting sick of it. After taking several twist and turns following Kyna, she pointed at the panel that needed to be broken. With a bit of focus, Roxanne allowed the sharp power of her biotics to blast through the panel this time, ignoring the damage that might be caused. She jumped out, as Kyna landed beside her.

Roxanne waved her hand toward the outside as Kyna didn’t need a second suggestion. However, Roxanne moved back inside, looking at the burning plants and the smoke billowing up. “Where is that lead!” She growled, as she pulled her shirt over her face and felt the heat as it was nearly unbearable. She pulled up a barrier around her, hoping it would last.

“Finch, you bitch.” Roxanne yelled as she put her arms up as some of the pillars came crashing down. She couldn’t get far as she raced back out, her feet taking her out just before the building suddenly blew up as the fire reached the electrical outlets. The explosion threw Roxanne a few feet before she landed on her back. The air was knocked out of her as she gasp, staring at the sky. It took a moment for her to come to terms with what just happened as she coughed a few times and finally gathered her senses. Her arm reached around her side as her back felt the pain of the impact and she shifted to her side.

“Roxie!”

“Shepard!”

The two voices rang against her ear, knowing it was Kyna and Garrus as the moved to either side of her.

“I’m fine, really.” She waved her hand, as she got on her hands and knees before forcing herself up to her feet. “Kyna, I’m sorry about your shop.” Roxanne said, as she glanced over to her friend. But a smile was on her face as she gave a small shrug.

“Insurance is a blessing. Better than losing my life. Thank you Shep.” She said, and nodded toward Garrus as well. Roxanne glanced at her, though, wondering if they would return. “You should find somewhere to lay low. Maybe leave Ireland for a little bit?” Roxanne suggested as she saw the woman cross her arms and thinking about it.

“You know, I have been meaning to visit my parents in London. They survived the reaper attack, better chance than any.” Kyna said, as she turned toward the sounds of the sirens. “They’ll want a report, but once I’m done I’ll be leaving. Thank you Shep, and watch your back. No one can be trusted.” She said, glancing to Garrus before leaving their side.

Roxanne looked over at Garrus who held concern in his eyes. “What happened?” Roxanne shook her head as she glanced back toward the building.

“Games.” She whispered, as she reached over and touched his arm. “Come on, let's get back home. I couldn’t get anything I needed. Maybe EDI can help us though. I’ll explain more back at the apartment.” Roxanne spoke as Garrus reached over and held her hand. She paused for a moment, glancing down at the single act of reassurance and smiled. It was enough, though she could tell Garrus was truly bothered.

Once again they had been separated and she had to find a way out on her own. To her, she wasn’t bothered by this but she could see the anger on Garrus’ eyes. Not because of her, but because he left her alone. He could easily escape the fire but she had been stuck inside. She squeezed his hand and moved back toward the car. She went to the driver side, but Garrus pulled her into a hug and smiled.

“Oh no Roxie, I’m driving. You relax.” He said, as he swept her off her feet and she gasp.

“Garrus, what do you think you're doing?”

“Pissing you off?” He said, but he had a small laugh on the edge of his tongue as Roxanne cross her arms and glared at him.

“Yes, yes you are.” She said, squirming to get out of his arms.

“Oh, come on. Give your boyfriend this one chance to spoil you.” HE asked as Roxanne stared at him for a moment and shook her head.

“Fine.” She said, as she shook her finger at him. “You get to do this one last time. Your first giveaway was back on the citadel. This is your second and only chance. I can walk just fine you now.” She felt the ache of her back though after hitting the ground so hard and she wouldn’t admit that this was kind of nice. Even her leg hurt a bit, the phantom pains there as she ignored them. Garrus easily carried her over to the car, setting her down and then climbed into the driver side and went off.

While she sat there, she pondered for a moment. The Ten Street Reds were dangerous, more so than when she was a member. The past would never leave her alone, and she knew that Garrus wouldn’t leave her alone. At that moment, she decided that she would sneak out that night and handle things on her own. This was twice, twice Garrus had been in harm. She knew he could handle herself, but he had been scarred up twice because of her.

She didn’t want to have him harmed again because of a situation she was involved in. And he couldn’t know the past, he couldn’t know the devastation she had wrought upon Dublin when she was no better than a common thug, like one of the Blue Suns they now fought against.

He would never see her the same way. She was no hero, and today had just reminded her about that.

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