Episode 4

Roxanne found her feet leading her straight to her room. The door closed behind her as she moved past the living room and around the corner straight to her room. The fish tank glowed against the wall with the colorful floral and array of fish swimming around gracefully. But no matter how graceful the room was, Roxanne’s mind was chaotic and confused. She reached up to brush her hand over her hair as she felt the chill on her skin as she reached over to strip off her jacket only to feel Garrus’ hand against her shoulders.

“Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.” He said softly, pulling the jacket off as she allowed her feet to finally stop and her body slouched against his touch. Once the jacket was off she reached into the holster on her hip and tossed her pistol onto the bed. “Roxie, talk to me.” His voice causes Roxanne to glance over at him but no words came yet. Instead, she took the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her body tossing it aside.

However, Garrus’ hands reached for her hips, spinning her around and looking down at her. [b]” Shepard,”[/b] He whispered as his claw brushed some strands of her hair behind her ear. [b]” You can fool everyone else, but I’m more perceptive than you give me credit.”[/b] He said as a smile crossed over his lips.

But Roxanne wasn’t smiling, all she could see was part of her faults. The scars on the left side of his face. Her fingers reached up to brush along them as she'd blamed herself time and time again for not watching his back properly. And then just a few months ago, during their fight with the Reapers when they were wounded, both he and Tali. She should have been watching out for them as a Commander is supposed to. They were harmed because of her and she could not allow that to happen again.

”Garrus, whatever is going on I’m going to deal with it, I promise.” She said, as she leaned up to kiss him but he pulled back slightly and shook his head.

“Oh no, you won’t distract me with your kisses no matter how much I love them.” He said with a smirk on his face as she shook her head. She pulled back and moved her finger over her pants, unbuttoning them as well as taking off her boots. She didn’t quite know how to put her words at the moment but she still couldn’t tell him what was going on.

He would never forgive her for the failure she was and for hurting people. “Garrus, I can’t lose you, so whatever this is I can deal with it. Solo mission, that’s all.” She said, as she moved toward the bathroom.

“Your kidding, right? You need someone to watch your back.” Garrus adamantly spoke as she reached in to grab a towel and starting rubbing it through her hair.

“No, I’m not. This is something I have to deal with on my own.” Roxanne demanded, as she turned her green eyes toward Garrus and held the sharp gaze. “I will not need any help, I can do this.”

“And I’m telling you, I’m not letting you do this by yourself. We made a promise, remember? I would be there through thick and thin. The reapers was the one exception and even then I shouldn’t have listened to your order.” Garrus said, the annoyance on the tip of his words. But Roxanne tossed the towel into the bathroom and stood there with her hands in a fist.

“No. I’m a Spectre, the Commander of the Normandy still, and that is an order. Stand down and let me do this on my own.” Her voice demanded the words but Garrus just narrowed his eyes and shook his head.

“Roxanne Shepard, what the hell has gotten into you? You’ve always accepted my help and you have always helped me, so what in the world is going on?” Garrus stubbornly held the gaze as Roxanne threw her hands up and growled as she turned her back on him.

“YOU'RE NOT GOING!” She yelled as she turned around and pointed her finger at him. “I’ve nearly lost you twice because of my inability to have your back. I’ve lost Thane, Mordin, Kaidan, Anderson. So many innocents have died, so many people because I couldn’t do my job. I couldn't’ save them all! How much blood do I have on my hands because I failed as a Commander? I’m not going to lose you too.” Her voice shook at the end of her words as she raced into the bathroom and hit the panel to slammed the door.

With her self-esteem shot as she nearly lost him again, she just slowly slipped down onto the ground and ran her fingers through her hair. A simple date turned into nearly more deaths on her hands. Quick thinking and action, that’s what saved them but what if she didn’t? Roxanne felt the tears running down her face as she sat there in the silence.

Tap tap. Roxanne noticed them, knowing that Garrus was standing right outside her door and waiting patiently. She wished he would, she wished she had pissed him off enough to make him leave. But he had never left her, not even when she was angry. Her arms curled around her legs as she put her head down into her lap.

“Roxie, let me in please.” His voice pleaded now as Roxanne didn’t want to show her moment of weakness even to him. Commander Shepard, savior of the citadel, N7 alliance commander, first human spectre, defender of earth, conqueror of the reapers, and failure to save those who deserved it. None of those titles meant anything when she remembered all those she had failed. She always pressed upon others that it was never their fault for the death of others, that it was inevitable most of the time. But Roxanne could not help but feel at fault for the same thing.

Her fingers slipped up to tap the panel as the door as it opened up. Garrus’ arms wrapped around her as she leaned against him and shook her head. “I can’t lose you, I can’t have any more blood on my hands. I need to do this alone. If I lose you, I lose everything.” She whispered as she leaned into Garrus’ chest and he just held her.

“I signed up with you not because this was easy but because I trusted you, Roxie. I am willing to give my life for you, and now that we are, well, this. I’m even more determined to protect you no matter the cost. But this just isn’t about me, it's you. I left you alone too many times and you died because of it. I lost you once, and then I nearly lost you to the reapers, and Leviathan, and all those other times. You’ve had too many close calls. I refuse to let you do this alone.” He reached over to lift her chin as he gazed up at him and felt his claws wipe away her tears.

“There is no Shepard without Vakarian, remember?” Roxanne felt her tightness against her chest as she nodded.

“Then we are going to do this together. If we stick it out, neither one of us will be lost because we have each others back. No matter what.” Garrus’ voice soothes her worries except for the fear that she had that she could fail him. But she could tell him no now because he was right. A part of her vowed to protect him even if it cost her own death. She would not let someone take him from her no matter what happened.

“Garrus, I can’t explain what is going on, but you have to trust me, okay?” Roxanne whispered as she stared at him.

“I’ve trust you. I won’t ask but you know that I’m here when you are ready.” He held a sly grin as she raised a brow. “But I’m ready to go kick some ass.” Roxanne paused for a moment before she found herself laughing without even a real reason. She reached up, her fingers gliding against his smooth skin, her other hand tracing along his scars before getting up on her knees and pressing her lips firmly against his. She loved to feel his claws moving against her skin as she held it for a moment before she broke the kiss.

“I love you.” She whispered as their foreheads touched.

“I love you too Roxanne Shepard.” He lulled against her ear as he held her with a comfortable grasp, that hold that she knew no one could break.

“Now, we have a lot to do and a limited time period to do it.” She said, as ran her hands over her eyes, rubbing away what little tears there were left as she stood up. She reached over for her omni-tool and paused to glance over her shoulder. “Garrus? Are you staring again?” She questioned as Garrus blinked looking to Roxanne.

“Well, it's kind of hard when you got that sway in your hips  and have you seen your legs?” He questioned as Roxanne laughed. She didn’t know how but she suddenly felt her worry and anxiety slipping away just with Garrus being around.

“Do I need to go get dress?” She questioned and Garrus coughed, placing his hand against his lips and she smirked.

“Well, I would be saddened to lose the view.” He added with a soft chuckled on his lips and Roxanne sat down on the bed. She allowed her fingers to move swiftly over the virtual plane before she heard the voice.

“Yes Commander?” EDI spoke up and Roxanne patted the side of the bed as Garrus came over to sit down.

“I need you to find someone for me. His name is Finch Machovich.” She said, as she glanced over at Garrus who wasn’t speaking but she could tell by how he shifted he was listening and gathering intel.

“I’m sorry Commander, but all channels and networks do not have any word on him.” Roxanne’s teeth grinded together as she growled slightly.

“Dammit.” She muttered, as she pushed her finger against her lips, rubbing her bottom lip. She thought for a moment in silence, before an idea popped into her mind. “Look up Kyna O'Brien.” She said randomly, waiting patiently.

“Kyna O’Brian, Born January 4, 2151, currently residing in Dublin, Ireland and running Sherwood Florist--”

“Yes, that’s the one. Where can that shop be located EDI?” Roxanne ask, the rise in her voice happy to know that she was still alive and well. Her memory of Kyna was a close friend, one of the few to leave the gang she once belonged to. In fact, Kyna was the only one to break free with Roxanne had as well. Kyna could be the only one she could trust in this situation to know what was going on with the gang. EVeryone else, including Finch, was a trust by situation. For now, her mind was limited in who she could go to.

“She worked at 804 Waller Block. Would you like me to get you transport?” EDI questioned as she looked over to Garrus.

“Set it up for tomorrow.” Roxanne spoke as she closed to Omni tool and threw it down to the ground. A glint appear in Roxanne’s green eyes as she stared at Garrus with a smirk on her lips.

“Shepard, I know that look.” Garrus said as he grinned and reached over to touch her cheek. His mandibles shifted as he watched her.

“Good, because we have the rest of the day for us before we get sucked into more craziness.” Roxanne shifted to get on her hands and knees and leaned up to kiss his lips firmly. “Just like old times, right?”

“Roxie, it hasn’t even been a year. That’s not old times yet.” Garrus spoke and Roxanne just laughed against her silvery tone.

“Shh, enjoy the moment.” She said, as she felt Garrus put his arms around her and shifted to pull her underneath him. He carefully laid her down on her back and a look in his eye as well.

“Oh, I will.”

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