Grief

Natso decided that the best way to sever all affection for a person was to avoid them completely.

(He should have known better. Fate was clearly out to get him if it had him fall in love with his best friend’s girlfriend.)

So he avoided Kaitlyn like the plague, and though there were often instances where they had to interact, Natso made sure that the times when they came into contact, were brief and impersonal.

It was only after a month of the charade, and when people began to notice the awkward interactions between them, did Natso realize that it wasn’t working.

“Soso, are you doing okay? You’ve been acting a little weird these days and I can’t stop worrying about you.” Monty said, using Natso’s nickname.

Natso rolled his eyes at the name.

They both knew he wasn’t just so-so.

“Don’t worry. I’m completely fine, Mom.” Sometimes Monty was just too much of a mother hen.

They both knew it, but Monty still glared playfully at him.

“Really Natso, You’ve been acting strange...Are you sure you’re fine? Now that I think about it, you’ve been acting up for a while, I guess I’ve just been so caught up with wedding plans and all...”

Natso couldn’t keep his heart from bleeding at those words.

Worse was the fact that despite his efforts his affections had not died down, in fact, they have grown stronger, making the pain in his heart grow stronger.

He didn’t understand.

 He couldn’t.

All he wanted right now was to ruin the wedding and disregard the existence of Monty’s and Kaitlyn’s relationship.

He felt disgusted with himself.

He knew better than to listen to his heart.

Only following his head could he escape disaster and a broken heart.

And felt that love was nothing like in the novels, shows, and stories.

Where were the pink sparkles and music and the flowers?

Where were the warm feelings and sweet moments and overwhelming joy?

He could not see the good in love.

He fell in love with Kaitlyn, yet it has only brought him suffering.

When he looked into her eyes he could only feel the guilt and shame he had because of his feelings.

She was beautiful and pretty and attractive, but it was a type of visual appeal that everyone saw.

Natso knew that Kaitlyn could be kind and good, yet what made him shine to him, only to him, he couldn’t see.

He didn’t want to see.

He had already gone in too deep, too far, probably overreaching the boundaries. He had to stop.

For Kaitlyn and all her allure was not worth all the heartbreak and sadness and distress.

He knew if he continued in with his feelings than it would lead to inevitable doom.

Self-loathing.

Disgust.

Betrayal.

Secrets.

Hurt.

Sadness.

Despair.

Jealously.

Love was suffering and he only ended up hurt and sad. His interactions with his supposed love.

If love was like this then he would prefer to not love at all.

Or so he thought.

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