Chapter 1 - The troubling thoughts of Hanuzuki Hanzaki

“RUN FASTER!” I shouted out to the woman behind, bearing her exhaustion as she tries catching up to me.

“HURRY UP MISS! OR THEY WILL---“

BAAAAAAAANG!

As soon as shots were fired, the both of us stayed low while continuing to flee from the armed people--- or to be exact, from the killers and criminals.

“Come here Miss Wendy!” I grabbed her hand, making sure we won’t get separated to each other as we tried escaping out of this dark, cold place under the moonless night, somewhere in the mountains full of huge trees lurked with great danger.

“Noooooo! Grandpaaaa!” She continued with her sobbing despite being terrified of what has happened recently.

“I promised to your grandpa Miss that I will get you out of here. I’ll be making sure his sacrifice won’t go to waste!” With a strong will, I tried easing her pain as we were desperately running away, but it wasn’t enough comforting her.

On the land's bumpy, uneven ground, we continued to struggle in making our way while heavily gasping for air with cold sweats dripping down away from our heads.

“Yes! I can now barely recognize this path. We are now close!” I exclaimed as we reached a certain path towards where we are running through.

“Ouch!”

“Be careful! There are many vines out here.”

Our surroundings were lightless from the start in which made it dangerous and hard for us to have a good visual of our path.

There could be snakes, huge, pointed rocks, sharp vines, and bugs that we might stumble along the way, but despite in trying our best to stay safe, luck was not on our side as we have almost trip down because of these obstacles.

“Huh?” After a while of running, I looked back, noticing that there were no people behind us chasing, and the area around us got oddly quiet.

“Alright. I think we lost them”

“Oh. Thank goodness” She then lets out a sigh, likely for being anxious and frightened.

“And with this, we’ll surely get to---“

*Bonk*

As I was about to begin my little celebration, there was a heavy sound of an object that has seemingly been dropped--- or thrown to the ground nearby.

I quickly turned, and upon seeing it, my whole body froze while looking questionably, closely at the object.

“Gre… nade?”

BOOOOOOOOOM!

Without having to immediately react fast enough, the both of us have been separately thrown away from each other.

“GAAAAAAAHH!” I yelled the pain out as soon as I hit the ground.

Thankfully, all my body parts were still intact to each other, and my consciousness remains despite the impact, but I could only bare to get a clear look of the surroundings as my vision was very fuzzy while I was helplessly lying on the ground.

“What the heck ju--- *cough* wait. *cough* Where’s miss---“ I shake myself up with blood dripping from my head while coughing, and from turning around with dust and smoke covered in the air, I saw my companion who landed behind a tree and was lying safe and sound in the meantime, but our situation has gotten worse on the other hand.

“Over there! That’s where we saw them!”

“Go! Go! Retrieve the item and finish them!” Voices from a distance are getting louder as it were likely closing in.

"Crap. I think they found us already." From crawling my way away, I mumbled while laying my back on a tree to hid myself as well.

But more importantly, I was given a pouch that had something inside it by Miss Wendy's grandfather not a while ago, and it seems that these guys were aiming and targeting for this the whole time.

“I wonder what’s really inside this thing. Ugghh. Never mind that. I’m going to die sooner anyways.” Holding the medium-sized pouch on my right hand, I was struggling in catching my breath while wondering about it.

That’s right, and with all of those that I’ve been through, I should probably have been dead by now. What a miracle.

But I guess this is the end of my lucky days… since that day started… yes… of what happened before… that decision of mine, about two years ago.

“Pfft. I haven’t had… *Pant*… reached half of my goal yet. What a loser *Pant*. Is this maybe, the punishment that God is giving me for being such a troublesome and disrespectful child--- and son?” While heavily panting, I let out a long, tiring exhale at the end.

"This is... not really... what I wanted to happen. I can't do a thing about this yet... is this really my fate?"

With tears of frustration starting to flow out from my closed eyes, I then lower my head, accepting the end of my line.

“I don't want to die yet. But I guess… this is… it---“

BAAAAAAANG!

--*--

MONOLOGUE:

In this world full of countless influences, evil that resides within, and the light of hope that dwells inside the heart of individuals have led people’s lives into chaos and peaceful days.

Friends, families, relatives, strangers, and nations are being conflicted with each other due to a strong source of influential action in which had caused the root source of its unfortunate series of events and battles of fate, leading them in the destruction by body, mind, and soul.

From the different situations that people have started with, they have their own problems.

At the long run, they may lose their way and are unable to find the answers that they seek, or maybe just confused.

But either way, one does not have the right to fully judge someone.

Because of what people believed in, devastating wars had emerged, and up today, they are helplessly suffering and desperately fighting for what they believe are right, whether it is for their own selves, their own kin, for the many, or for their country.

Seeking and obtaining power is what gives us the capability to face hardships and help the needy ones, yet it may also lead us into our own greediness and doom, and drive our minds to conquer and enslave.

Fools will bring forth the world’s destruction, and its future rests and lies on the shoulders of the wise.

--*--

♪Lalalalalalala Life is…Won..der..ful.

♪Lalalalalalala Life is Mea..ning..ful--- Huh?

Oh, hello there! Ahem, ahem. Mic test! Mic test!

Yes, Good day!

Uhhhhh... That was quite the dramatic introduction wasn’t it? Hehe... I’ll be glad if you had liked it.

Anyways, it is really unlike me to introduce myself and be friendly to anyone… but here I go.

The name is Hanzaki Hanuzuki, 17 years old.

I live at a hinterland in Cagayan de Oro City.

My country is composed of three main large islands which are Luzon, Visayas, and where the city is located, Mindanao.

Unsociable, shy, quiet and antisocial; you can describe me in anyways that is related for being an introvert.

I’m the social and thinking type; however, my goofy side would show out once I’m with a good and trusting friend.

I guess most of us are like this, right?

I’m currently studying at Liceo U for my 11th grade, and I just transferred from my previous school in Junior High.

The thing why I transferred is because I’m pursuing business, which is the reason why I chose the ABM strand (Accountancy, Business and Management) and have went into this University.

The place is quite far for me actually, and I always do a double-ride routine to go back and forth.

I sometimes got late because of it. Believe me okay? It’s just sometimes.

It is July in the current month, and surprisingly for a loner like me and without having the intention to take the first step, have got some friends.

Seriously, I planned to be on my own for the whole two years.

It’s unbelievable right?

But that is the perk for being someone like I am.

I guess trauma made me like this?

Nah, I think that’s just exaggerating.

Let’s just say that I had a bad experience, but I don’t know exactly.

I wasn’t like this before when I was still a care-free kid, and I’m not quite sure of my reason yet it is probable.

More or less, a lot of things had happen before and I have my own doubts.

Moreover, I was just an energetic and a friendly child back then, though I admit I am quite shy, but I wanted to socialize for something new.

But more importantly, listen to this.

I think it’s where I had my first day at school, at an official school, not a day-care or something.

Yet to be honest, I just transferred at the school from my day-care center on the day, and the vibe was different.

Okay… here we go… 1, 2, 3… Action!

A cold sweat has dropped and my heart races as I set foot inside.

The diffident ‘me’ whose anxious eyes were restlessly wandering around has been overwhelmed by amazement upon seeing the energetic little children who were rowdily playing all over with their noisy laughter that enveloped the entire room.

Wow…Their numbers have struck me with the room that was awfully messy.

Some of the kids were dividedly sat into groups while busy drawing and coloring books, playing with their toys, and talking fun stuffs to each other.

Their bright smiles made me jealous, leading me into a decision of joining in their activity.

I want to have fun too you know.

Mustering up the courage and stepping forward with guts, I stopped in front of a group who were playing circles.

“Hi! Can I join you guys? My name is Hanzaki” With a low tone and a bit of nervousness I asked.

The playful children continued to ignore, or maybe they haven’t heard my request, yet I was eager for a reply and so have decided to wait for a little longer.

Luckily after a few seconds, a boy has stopped and eyebrows were up high from wondering.

This is it! The most awaited part.

My body temperature rises out of joy for finally being noticed, and despite not having friends back at the center, maybe this time wouldn’t be the same any more.

And with this, it could be my debut for getting an actual friend but… little did I know what could happen next.

My eyes had gone wide out of excitement and were fixed on his mouth as it started to move.

His lips spread and tongue showed out as he pronounced the first letter of the word and lips moved pointed forward during the second.

“NO!”

“Eh?”

And just like that.

My fragile heart was shattered like a broken glass, couldn’t bear accepting the truth.

With a straight face, the kid blurted it out without even considering my delicate feelings and had swiftly retreated to play.

My whole world was shaken and I moved away like a zombie walking side to side with a dead fish’s eyes.

Because of what just happened, I haven’t dared asking the others and was just quietly sitting on a chair like a lone wolf, enduring the pain.

In the end, the poor “me” was just secretly letting out tears while covering my face with a book.

And furthermost, that was the first rejection (from other people) of my life and it wasn’t even romantic!

Well… So that’s just all to sum it up though I had managed to get some friends during the middle of my elementary days.

Just thinking about it makes my blood boil--- Nah I’m just kidding, and it doesn’t matter to me anymore.

Well… just a bit though, yet still this isn’t that bad.

My current friends are really nice although sometimes they acted full of their selves, but it wasn’t that bad and alarming.

It is also an advantage for me to have an interaction when it comes to study, but I doubt they would even take it more seriously.

Yet at least I do now have a helping hand; however, my lone time has been deliberately decreasing during these days.

Going with them over here, over there, and everywhere!

An introvert my friend, needs a lone-time for at least ninety percent of the day and it doesn’t matter what he’s doing in the meantime.

Well… that’s just for my case actually.

Moreover, it’s only been two months since the jump start (start of school) yet we have already treated each other like one of our own brother.

I guess that’s the bond you’ll get, and mostly is the common culture.

It is not what I was expecting but things turned out to be fine.

Now! I know that you’ve been wondering of what this is all about don’t you?

Of why is this “Hanzaki” guy was suddenly introducing his self, and of what is he trying to say at the first place.

Well you see… currently I’ve been seeking for answers.

For the past seventeen years of my existence,

I have gone through a lot of hardship in life in which I don’t know any more if those that happened are normal or not, or maybe we can also call it the “new normal”.

The world just keeps on evolving don’t you think?; always bringing something new whether it would be beneficial or harmful to a certainty--- but going back to the main.

Additionally, lots of contemplations about my experiences have been made, thoughts that one shouldn’t be bothering to think much of it of an early age.

I have become restless from knowing and uncovering the truth, yet I don’t have the capacity to fully do so, stuck with this horrid state which is keeping me from the limitless opportunities while consuming my entire existence with depression and anxiety.

Slowly but surely, my life has been messed up greatly.

Hey, how does it feel to be in a loving and caring family?

Do you feel motivated all the time?

Does life seem to be fun for you?

Do you not have many worries and troubles at all?

Have you ever felt neither anxious nor depressed?

Whether to how many obstacles and trials in life would come, they would always be there for you right? Or so it is what I would like to say.

Obviously not everybody is the same, nor are their circumstances in life too.

But isn’t the family’s purpose (specifically our parents, foster parents, and etc.) to nourish and guide their children?

In the first place from considering in getting married and having a family, they should have already readied themselves of the responsibilities right?

But no, not everyone is like this, and more likely nor it would be in the future.

Instead of building, they’re the ones responsible of why our whole-self is crumbling bit by bit; people who half-assedly take responsibilities, taking things in life for granted. Like for example, the job as a police officer should be a role model to the society.

With their acquired authority and reassuring presence, they should be keeping the people’s safety in place.

But nowadays, some are getting full of themselves.

Using their position to their own selfish desires and without even considering thinking of what the true purpose and essence of their occupations is.

And yet at the end, judging them will do no good. Complaints for justice are all we can do.

Even though the adults too have their own pasts, and in which whatever the reason were they may be holding throughout these past years, it wasn’t that simple, but the aftereffects would still remain.

The logic is easy; be responsible of your actions and live with no regrets or do the opposite and suffer from the consequences until your death.

So if things would actually go wrong in your life, what would be left for you?

How would you be able to continue living your life the way it supposed to be? Or the way you wanted it to be?

And how would things go for you in the process? In which is really dependent on the decisions you’re about to make, hence the situation you’ve been under.

But do be careful, for evil is already a part of us; a part of human nature.

You might turn a wrong path along the way.

The people, the environment, the society… are potential influences.

So what do you do?

Do you just move on your own to play safe?

Whether it is a yes or no, then do you believe in the saying “no man is an island”?

Basing on the sermon of the 17th century English Author John Donne, people do badly in life when they are just on their own and not meddling with others, or a part of a community.

It’s already a given when one is born into this age where technology is abundant and life has been much easier than before, and the saying does apply in the current and even in past situations, but the possibility of the isolation of one to happen is still there.

One may struggle but can alone still live on by his/her own.

In this world, you need knowledge to be able to survive, and not just any knowledge, facts and truths which are coming from our predecessors who experienced and done it, but getting these isn’t just limited from us people.

It is up then to the person who possessed great knowledge to continue his/her life however he/she wants it to be, whether he/she would continue to follow the path of light and hope, or fall into the hands of darkness--- but at the end, I'd hope for the former.

Phew…

Well then… have you ever heard of Jason Mraz’s song which is “Life is wonderful”?

This was the song that I sang a while ago.

♪LaLaLaLaLaLaLa Life is… Won..der..ful!

♪LaLaLaLaLaLaLa Life is… Mea..ning..ful!

I for one would agree that it is indeed beautiful, but the same goes for the opposite too.

It is cruel, meaningfully cruel.

Because of unfortunate experiences, my mind has ventured into the depths with questions popping out about as to what, when, where, why and how.

Back then… and ‘till now…

I smiled, laughed, beg, kneeled, and cried.

I was happy, joyed, in pain, was hurt, felt useless, was anxious, and was depressed.

I got punched, got kicked, got hit, got shouted at, got humiliated at, and got embarrassed at.

I got furious, was frustrated, got doubtful, and got full of it.

I want to escape, want to flee, want to be free, want to be stronger, and want to start anew.

The things got me insane and mad, yet I didn't hate... and more likely I don't want to hate.

Despite the dreadful past, I want my life to be something better… because it was the

beginning when I feared him.

With all my heart I trust him with not depending on my own understanding.

Though I’m ignorant, I will seek his will.

I will try, for I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

For someone who yearns world peace, justice for the right and wrong, and a tranquil life, I became restless yet helpless because of my ignorance.

In this world, One must seek Wisdom...

… For life’s Battles & Survival.

… And for whatever that lies ahead...

... The expected, and the unexpected.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***