Chapter 2

Do you know these starry nights where you can see the whole bright mesmerizing stars? The endless celestial objects?

She was lost in thought, staring at the sky while sitting on the backyard with her knees to her chest. Luckily, there wasn't much light pollution like in other urban places.

Her aunt had fallen asleep hours ago and it was late. It had passed midnight. Regan had school tomorrow. She was supposed to sleep at this hour, but she wasn't.

For some other minutes, after doing the same thing, gazing at stars, she convinced her mind to go back inside. She didn't know why but there was always something about the stars. She was always drawn to bizarre, unknown things for humans.

After she went inside her room, she changed into a set of loose, kitty-themed pajamas. She brushed her teeth and lay in the bed, trying to get some sleep.

However... that familiar feeling crept up again, along with the mass of these whole intrusive and negative thoughts.

It was the reason why she was so paranoid, why her head always hurt, why her body was so tense.

As for that familiar feeling, well that was a feeling of non-belonging. She had felt that since she was little, she didn't remember how years old, but probably around seven. And she still felt it now that she was eighteen.

It was like she always knew she was different, that she didn't fit in. And it was true. She didn't fit at all, she felt like an outsider, she hated crowds, fake friends, people. They were dirty, they cared about sex, money, material things, they were shallow.

Maybe she was probably being unfair, there were good people in the world, that not everyone was like that. But still, she couldn't see anyone who was good. She could only sink in her negative thoughts, in her tense body, in her head.

Regan sighed and rolled onto her side where the cold blankets were cool and soothing. It was useless though. Sleep eluded her again.

Her mind was hell awake, thinking that she was about to die, thinking always the worst.

The night was silent. The window was left open for some air, but still, it felt suffocating. She wondered if there was anyone else feeling like her, like a mess, like an alien with a human body.

She tossed and turned in bed, trying to find a comfortable spot. It was useless. If she covered herself with blankets, she felt hot and trapped; if she let them pool on the floor, she was freezing. If she closed her eyes, images of the dark, intrusive images clouded her. If she stayed awake, all previously mentioned things happened as well. She was terrified to look up in Google about what she felt because it would make things even worse. She knew it. She had done it before and had ended up even more terrified and anxious.

She had always felt like that, always tense, never calm, never positive, always waiting for something terrible to happen.

She wished she could talk to someone about it, but who would understand? Who would care? Her aunt would act like Google, get freaky. Her parents.... they weren't alive. Regan only knew their appearances, even that was just from pictures. She had no friends, no real connections to anyone. She had only her mind, her negative, paranoid, self-depressive mind.

With a groan, she shoved the covers away and grabbed her phone. She began to play again, but a feeling of disorientation, of seeing her own self through someone else's eyes suddenly appeared.... Regan's eyes jolted from the phone, they glanced around the room, her heart thumped for something more than just the usual deal that kept her awake. She was feeling eyes on her.

Her phone dropped on the blanket as she slipped out of the bed and walked over to the window. It was pure darkness outside, with still visible stars, and sound of crickets gracing the night.

A cool breeze caressed her face, but it didn't wash away the feeling of being watched. Her eyelids closed, willing herself to calm down, but...

A snap of a twig outside, an abrupt cut of the crickets' chirping.

When she opened them again, she saw something move out of the corner of her eye. She peeked out of the window, her heart hammering against her ribs. There was nothing, just the bushes swaying in the breeze. She let out a shaky breath, cursing under her breath.

She closed the window and sat on the bed. The digital clock on the bedside table showed 1:30. She was tired, but the seed of fear had been planted. What if something was watching her?

"Such a long night," she whispered to herself, willing the hours to pass quickly. If she'd hang on the irrational fear that had just formed, she'd end up with bloodshot eyes on her first school day. But it was a cycle after all. Night would come again, she'd struggle to sleep, and then she'd wake up exhausted.

Looking for something that would distract her, she grabbed her phone again and scrolled through social media. But each reel had either people spreading fake positivity, or sexual innuendo.

That was it. That's what sells in this fucked up world. She slammed the phone on the nightstand and rolled on the other side, trying to get some sleep.

Her body began to heat again and she kicked the covers off. She turned on her side, away from the window, and closing her eyes, hoping that sleep would come. It didn't.

"Oh God, I want to sleep," she whispered, grabbing the blankets again and forcing herself to submit to her wants. Her eyelids grew heavy, burning if she kept them open. She tried to think about something else, something beautiful, probably the books and movies she had read and seen. Because there was nothing else in her life that she considered beautiful.

She closed her eyes and started to drift off to a uneasy sleep, like most nights. With nightmares of being lost and other terrifying scenarios. She mumbled nonsense words and tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position. At least, she was sleeping somehow. Even if it wasn't restful.

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