Secret

"Hmmmm, I was thinking... Why not we go to..... Tokyo Dome? I mean, the part for tourists..." Kei asked absent-mindedly.

"Huh? Sure. Biggo?" [Biggo is the ferris wheel in Tokyo Dome.]

"Yup."

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At night, before Kai went to sleep, he kissed Kei and went to bed because she insisted on him doing so. She took a knife from one of the drawers of the kitchen, and sat down at the kitchen table. She cut herself multiple times on her wrist. The blood dripped on the pages of a notebook. It was this notebook that she had used to tell all her stories of pain. Everytime something heart wrenching happened to her, it got written in here. After she was satisfied at the sight of her gory wrist, she cleaned the knife and put it away.

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"I don't know why I'm doing this, but I am either way. I'm lying to everyone. I'm a liar, a pathetic loser, who doesn't deserve her boyfriend. He's too kind for his own good. He shouldn't be with me. I don't even know why he's still with me. He should be tired of me by now, and throw me away, just like everyone else did. Things are too good, this isn't how it is. Nothing good lasts long.

There's something that's been bothering me for a long time...I know everything that I'm going to write down right now is messed up but...who cares. So here goes-

Darkness fills the world of many with despair. It is the cause of panic and fear to most. It is the best thing in the world to those with nothing. It may come crashing down to some, while it might be creeping through the tiny cracks in one's life. Darkness is like a never-ending abyss to those people who only focus on things bigger than themselves. In reality, it is not as bad as one's imagination might reach. Yes, it causes despair, but I'd rather linger in nothingness, than have to suffer from the piercing gaze of the bright light of judgement. I'd rather have no one care, than everyone judge me, and 'try' to make it better by claiming it's just "in the head". It's not. It's in the brain's chemicals. I wish I could snap out of this, I really do, but I can't. Please understand that I'm trying, I really am, but you will never understand because you can't see it, so it's not real. Please remember, just because you can't see something does not mean it doesn't exist. Mental illnesses are just as real as physical ones. Mental illnesses hurt most when you are aware of them, but you can't do anything about it because you're broke. Why the heck does treatment require money?! Doesn't everyone deserve help? Or is it only for people with money? If so,

how unfair.

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Kei left the page open, bookmarking it with her pen (with secret ink). She pulled on a think jacket because it was slightly cold outside, since it was night time [even if it was summer]. She put on her black converse and ran out into the streets. It was about three in the morning when Kei was running away, away from her life.

After what seemed like hours, she finally reached a river. She climbed onto the bridge's railings and fell.

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