Chapter 1 : Just A Introduction

Hi, I'm Jinnie, and this is my complicated life. My mother is a alcoholic and abuses me. My father is a gambler. They always told me "It was a mistake to give birth to me. You're such a mistake. Why did we agree to give birth to you? We should have just aborted you."

I always thought I was worthless and no use. My life is not all sadness though. I have friends who made me laugh. One of them is my childhood best friend, Paige. She was there for me whenever I was sad.

I had some other kindergarten friends, one of them was my male best friend called Gray. One of them was my female best friend called Kaylee. They never knew much about my life but thought I was always cheerful. They always liked to play with me but had to move to another country soon after due to thier parents' work.

I normally fake a smile whenever I'm sad. The only people I open up to are my best friends whom I'm comfortable with.

I never thought much about it because I thought others suffer the same as me. But now that I think of it, I think the opposite. It's so complicated because I want to end my life for the people who hates me but also want to live for the people I cherish. I want everyone to live happily but can never think about how it is possible due to the hate and love I get.

I lost quite alot of people in my life. But also gained a lot of friends who cared. But I normally thought that every bad thing will happen to me.

I always say this "I must stay positive, for the people I care for. And for those i don't, I'll just ignore them." But every time I say that, I realise how wrong I can be, because all the hate are because of my looks, because of my silence. I felt like I was never loved by others, other than my real best friends.

I hated myself, but I also want to love myself, which sometimes I do. You may tell me "Don't you're still young. There is still many things that will get better. Just love what you have now." or you may say "There are other worse senarios that could happen. This is not the worse. You could have lost something worse." Yes, I agree with that but, everyone's life is different. You have felt a different life. I have a different life. I feel that my life is more complicated than normal lives. That's normal, right? I hope it is.

I never thought my life would be any worse but it did. I will slowly explain in the episodes slowly. These are just a little of my life's complications. Read on to know more. Feel free to leave any comments about my life.

\~Message from the author

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