Chapter 5 : Temptations

During my eleventh year of my survival, I found out about suicide. I always tried to find time to do it. But every time, my parents kept hitting me and never left me alone.

I was bullied, others always tell me "Oh my god girl, you are so fat! So ugly too! Bleh! I would never what to be your friend if you are gonna be so fat and ugly! Aurgh!" or they will say "Hey girl, I'm just saying but you are growing fatter! I'm just saying, you should lose some weight and go do plastic surgery or something. You're too ugly."

I slowly felt dumb, ugly, disgusting and fat. Just to say this first, before you think that I eat a lot, I don't. My appetite was very small to begin with. Why? Because I never had a lot of appetite after what I had gone through.

I started to stop eating in the day and then eat a lot at the end of the day, then force them all out. I slowly grew very skinny. I didn't realise nor cared that I had anorexia.

"Hey that's alot for a eleven years old kid." is probably what you think. Yeah, it was, but I didn't care. I didn't really know how to explain this. I felt.... Empty, I guess? I couldn't feel pain, physically nor mentally. I couldn't feel happy, sad, angry, scared or any feeling at all.

Welp, when I'm twelve, I became super skinny, and well I was still empty and was still abused and bullied. Now I may have never said this but I will get beat up for nothing, this year. It was worse I got hit with items like pens, rocks, bowls, etc. And well, it was my Primary School Leave Exam also known as PSLE. I could not care less if it was merely just an exam, but this, this exam brings me to wherever I go in secondary school.

Though I couldn't feel anything, I still worked hard to score well. I didn't feel nervous. I didn't know how it felt. And well, Paige was busy studying so we stopped talking. Well after all, she was a very hardworking girl. And I also expected her to have other friends because of her kind personality. It wouldn't be surprising that if she told her Bei Jing friends about me, they would not want her to be my friend and stop her from talking to me. It is not very disappointing because I knew people will leave me no matter what. It sucks big time but I couldn't feel or care less.

One day, when I was studying, my mom came to me, her kind face obviously showed me she was up to no good. She said "Hey, darling Jinnie, I know you have a huge sum of money with you. Can you give them to me please? I need the money for... Um... For your school fees?"

I snickered, I said "I pay for my own school fees if you didn't know. And plus that sum of money is my so called "allowance" you all give me which is my survival money since none of you feed me. I use that money for my own will why should I give it to you. Plus you and your husband is the ones giving me the money so why not you go use your own money to spend?"

She was extremely speechless. Then she started laughing, then she became angry. Then she said "YES IT WAS US WHO GAVE YOU MONEY. SO NOW, SINCE YOU HAVE LEFTOVERS OF OUR MONEY. GIVE IT TO ME. I WILL FUCKING KEEP THAT MONEY BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU SAID IT YOURSELF. THE MONEY WAS GIVEN BY US."

I felt it irritating so I said "I never fucking asked you to give me money. It was your fucking responsibility to give me that fucking money so it's not mine. You have no fucking damn shitty right to take the money away. And I never said you can come into my fucking room to go through my fucking items and cash. So don't go into my fucking room without my consent because that is my fuckinh room and I have to fucking "pay rent" to you guys with the amount of money you all give me. You guys take my certain amout of cash for your own usage so this room is mine. So anyways too bad, **** you and your stupid husband. I'm not giving you my cash."

She slapped me. She was annoyed because I didn't listen to her. She said "I had already gave you a chance when you didn't listen to me and talked back to me recently. Now you dare to do such a thing and be so PROUD of it?! I tell you I AM THE BOSS HERE, YOU LISTEN TO ME AND YOU DONT TALK BACK TO ME. You are living under my roof. So if you are not happy here, **** off. Everyone would be happier without your existence. You should just die. No one would notice you are gone anyways."

Those words hit me. "Die". "Yea I should." I said to myself. I know it is not right but hey, I felt it that way. Then I went continued to study.

Ever since that day, many things had happened. My mom and my dad started having fights. Both of them accusing each other of cheating and betrayal. They fought and fought. Slowly bringing me into the fight. They threw me around and said "I don't want her, you take her, you are as useless and worthless as her." said my mom. My dad would say "No you take her, she's trash, just like you." This went on for ages.

Message from the author

*Hey guys! Coco here! I do know that for now the story is really super depressing and stuff and I am not saying you guys have to stay and continue to read something that you guys don't want to but I'm just saying, this is not a depressing story. It is a comedy, romance, high school, ect. types of story. Don't worry the story is slowly escalating to many exciting stories ahead! Thank you for staying by and reading such stories! Please do remember, I love you all and I appreciate for everything! I apologise that I don't post as often due to my family matters and school I will try to post as much as possible! Lots of love! *

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