chapter four

The first thing I heard as soon as I woke up was the annoying buzzing of my phone...

Groaning,I scrambled around the bed until I found the annoying object..

I was gonna hang up whoever it was,but before I could do..my eyes fell on the caller ID...

Venus? At this time?

I checked the time to see it's 7.25 AM, definitely not likely for her to call me at this time...

"What's up,girl?" Didn't wasting anymore,time I picked up the call.

"I need your help..Come at my apartment?Now."

"What's wrong?"I put the phone on loudspeaker as I started pulling out clothes to wear for the day..

If I know one thing about Venus Morrison, that thing is she doesn't like asking for help..at all.

It has to be something important for her to wake up before 11, much less call me and ask me to come over..

"On second thought.. I'll come over. We need to talk. See you in twenty minutes."

She didn't wait for me to answer before she was hanging up..and I stared at the phone for about 30 seconds before rushing into the bathroom to brush my teeth...

True to her word, there was a knock on my door exactly after twenty minutes letting me know there's something really wrong because..V is never on time. Ever.

"You weren't kidding he wanted a chance again.." was her first words as she walked inside my room,her face pale like she's just saw a ghost or something....

I stared at her face, contemplating whether should I tell her to explain..but then it occurred to me..

I stared at her,my lips pressed in a line....

So it's about Niall..he talked to her,I think.

"He was there, Trin. He was there like he knows what he's doing..he was at my fucking apartment trying to be the father he was supposed to be in this twenty years.."

She shook her head, dropping on my bed with a sigh as she continued,

"And suddenly it's occuring to him that I need a fucking father. The **** is wrong with that dude?!"

I sat beside her,not interrupting her charade of thoughts as she slammed her hand onto the pillow.

"You know what? I should have had kicked him out yesterday. He had no right to be in my life,much less in my apartment. It's not him who pays the bills for that. It's mine."

I nodded but kept silent otherwise..I couldn't agree more with her on this part,he is a asshole...but maybe, just maybe he's really trying to change...

"I hate it when he does this, Trin. I hate this. It's like I'm hoping only to see him fucking with another bitch..This happens everytime,I think finally, fucking finally he's gonna get his head out of his ***..and I see him doing it all over again."

She's desperately trying to keep her emotions at bay,but one teardrop slipped from the strong hold she keeps on them and I was on the move as I wrapped my arms around her small frame and just held on...

I didn't had words to describe that i understand, so I let her rock against me as I rubbed her back..

It's okay... It's okay.. I kept on rubbing her back until the tremors stopped and she sighed,then I stepped back from the hug, knowing full well how she hates to lose control...

She was looking at the walls,floors, anywhere but at me now..so I did the only thing that came into my mind..

"You look like shit now." I murmured, chuckling as she flipped me off..

"Says someone who doesn't even go out without concealer on.."

That's my girl, always the strong one..even if she's breaking down underneath,she wouldn't let people know..

I stared at her some more, thinking if she's gonna bring it up..

She didn't,oh no.. that's the problem with Venus Morrison.

Anything that bothers her slightly,she bottles it right up until it gets too much and then explodes....

I smirked as she pulled out my make-up kit and started redoing her eyeliner..

"Today's gonna be a busy day..The reunion party is gonna be a thing today.There will be heaps of hot fishes.."

I stared back at her, looking as confused as I felt.

"What reunion? What party?"

Keeping the mascara in it's place,she stared at me skeptically,as if I'm supposed to have the answer already..

"You seriously don't know that Niall's is close today? To celebrate Ray's homecoming?"

She stared at me pointedly as if I was supposed to know everything about him..

"What are you saying? That we're not going to the club today? Then how..."

I was cut off as she jumped, literally,in front of me and did that I-really-can't-believe- you're-my-bestfriend yet you don't know about what's going look...

"Who said anything about not going to the club?"keeping her hands on her hips,she smirked..

Uh-huh.. That was my last thought before she started explaining,in the overexcited way she does..

"You know Ray is my cousin, right?"

I nodded at her, keeping my face as neutral as she raised one eyebrow as I shrugged at her as if asking... what's with him? He's just a guy..

Ever the nonchalant,huh?

A guy with very hot looks,who seems to get under my skin without even trying but a guy nonetheless..

"Well,he's like, Niall's son that he never had.." I searched for any sign of disdain in her voice,but there was none,she smiled as if recalling something "he's like a my real brother,and personally,I never thought him other than my blood..He lived with us,took care of Niall's and ofcourse,me. I was too small,or childish to take care of myself.."

"Then why didn't I hear about him before two days ago?"

I covered my face with my hands as soon as I said that out...

So much for acting nonchalant...

She smirked as if she knows what I'm thinking right now,which I guess she does because she just shook her head and continued..

Bitch.

"Because I seriously didn't have any idea where he was before two days ago till he was breaking dustbins and hugging people.."

At that, I cursed and she laughed..this traitor laughed at me..

"He's back after like seven years now,and you wouldn't believe that how close we were before..all of that happened."

I could tell she's skipping something,but I didn't press her..

After all,I don't want to know anything about him... 'Cept I did.

Ugh.

"Today Niall kept the upstairs locked up, because according to him,some of Ray's friends are maintaining the club to look like a welcoming party place.." she shrugged at my troubled look and continued," All of Ray's old friends, including the devil himself."

I shrugged,why do I feel like I'm going to be in trouble now?

"And why are you telling me this? Your almost brother has a welcome home party. Big fucking deal. "

She rolled her eyes this time,as if saying,sassy bitch.

"I'm telling you all of these, because.." she trailed off, grinned at me(which was a evil grin) and continued," you're invited there. Along with all other staffs, ofcourse. But Ray particularly asked for you to come."

Like hell he did.

"You're going." She said at the same time I said I'm not going..

"Like hell I am." I glared at her, I'm not backing off this time.

I am not gonna go anywhere near that dude,much less be in the same room,club.. whatever.

She raised her hands up in a surrender, smirking slightly.

I sighed as I walked into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee...I really need to keep myself cool now..

"So you're agreeing that you're scared?"

My hand stopped halfway through the cup, and I stared at my hand..Hard.

Am I scared?

"I'm not scared of anything."

By the way she clicked her tongue,we both knew that I'm a bad liar...

"If you're not scared of anything..or should I say anyone,then I'll see you at the party. Take this as a challenge,Rivers. I'll be looking forward to the time you cower."

With that,the five feet two ball of chuckling mass ran out of my house, giving me one of her smug looks as if she knew she's pulling my buttons... probably the wrong way.

As soon I heard the door close,I slammed my head against the counter...

How did I get into this mess? Guess none will ever know...

******************

Staring at the black shirt I brought home that day with me, I contemplated whether I should wear this or not for the thousandth and twenty seventh time..

This shirt is off the shoulder with a tiny bow in the side,and has embroidery all over it...I thought it'll look good on me..

It's not that anyone will notice if I wear this,there will be much better looking girls than me... Not that I want anyone to notice me..But still..

I sighed... It's not that I go out enough to get a chance to wear this..I should totally wear this today..

But again, I'm not trying to impress anyone and it might look like... I'm pinning for attention, specially his attention because... it's his party,after all..

Ugh. This is so confusing.

Then as if God heard my confusion, I heard my phone ping..

Stop overthinking it and wear that black shirt,you woman. Also,use the crystal earings I gifted u. Muaah 😘

I couldn't help the laugh that burst out if me at the text...

That bitch..I don't know how she does it, but she's always there for me when I need her..

Shaking my head again,I grabbed the shirt and a blue Levi's and rushed into the bathroom..

After about a hour,I stared at my reflection in the mirror..

I couldn't help but chuckle at the way I look..

The black material of the shirt makes my green eyes stand out,and the earrings peeking around from under the mass of dark brown hair just adds to the look, I didn't put lipstick today.. because I wasn't feeling like it..

However, I still had to use makeup to cover the huge *** dark circles around my eyes..

"Now grow some balls and get this over with" I whisper-sighed to myself as I heard the front doorbell ring and rushed to join Evan in his car..

"Woah woah..Who is this pretty woman in front of me? Where's Trin?"

"**** off ,Evan." I muttered while buckling up.

"There she is.." he chuckled at the death glare I sent his way ashe started the engine..

"It's nice knowing you're letting it go.."

It was dark in his car as he drove so I couldn't see the look on his face,but I stared at his face anyway...

I haven't told him about that day...or anyone,for that matter. He's better not knowing anyway..

I didn't reply him, instead I looked the other way and plugged in my earphones..

I know it's rude,but I just.. can't. I can't let him know what happened then...

"It's okay Trin, you don't have to push anything.. It'll go away."

After halfway through the drive to Niall's,I heard him saying that..but I pretended I didn't hear him..

As if that's gonna make it better... I'm never gonna be free. Completely free..My past will always haunt me.... I'll always remember the hands on my body,the ugly marks I held within myself. Body and soul...

It's never gonna let me go.

I didn't realise I was at the club before I felt Evan shaking my shoulder, saying we're here..

I think I muttered a thank you before climbing out of the car before I was walking blindly into the clubhouse.

I smiledd at some of the people I knew there as I made my way into the restrooms..

Then,I rubbed my palms over my eyes, willing myself to get a grip on my chaotic emotions as I stared at the now red eyed version of me in the mirror..

"Dammit. Can't you just spend a single day without thinking about it? Look at all the people out there! They're living their life,why can't you!?"

I slammed my hand on the counter, starting into the mirror so hard as if it'll answer for me..

Then I heard a knock in the door..

Oh ****.

I tried to gain on my emotions as I took in a deep breath,then two..then I opened the door with a scowl on my face.

"There's two more room in here and what made you...what are you doing here?"

My voice came out raspy,like I've been screaming hard and I cleared my throat as I stared at the six feet something weird blue eyed guy in front of me..

My five four looks like a joke standing in front of him,so I straightened my back and stared at his throat...

Um. Yeah. Because eye contact is hard.

"Are you okay? You seem upset."

Again with the gravelly voice..

I snorted,is this guy for real?

"That is not any your business. Now,is it?"

I was going to walk past him,but sadly nothing is working out my way these days..He blocked my way by putting himself between the door,and me..

Dammit. I was trying to be alone right now.

"Move out of my way."I kept my hands on my hips, "By the way,this is a girls restroom. Care to elaborate what Niall's nephew doing here?"

Finally, I glared at him, feeling red hot anger take over myself... I'll take it anytime.

Anger is better than the crushing hopelessness and pity I feel all the time..

"I was just looking after you. Saw you rushing in here,and thought I'd check on you..you didn't look very good then."

Seriously?I mean, fucking seriously?

"Do you even hear yourself?"I shook my head, "Dude,you don't even know who I am. Why would you even care what I'm looking like? Besides that's none of your business,as I said."

I shook my head at him, then continued.. it's so much better, acting like a bitch..it makes me feel.. powerful.

"Now,move.I have my job to do, unlike someone here sneaking up on chicks in woman's restrooms"

I didn't wait for him to move,oh no..Instead I shouldered by him..**** subtlety.

But my anger just furled up as I heard the low chuckle as I pushed the doors of the club..

Today is gonna be a nightmare,just as I predicted.

"Where were you woman? I was searching for you everywhere..Evan joined us like,a lifetime ago and you were nowhere to be seen."

I smiled at V as I sat down onto one of the barstools, trying my best not to scowl as people started looking at me..

"I was just fixing my hair in the restrooms,you know how unruly it is."

That was lame,but hey,I don't want anyone trailing behind me asking for information today...

She looked like she didn't believe me,but didn't press the issue..Thank God she didn't,I don't think I can take anymore drama today..

"By the way, you're dropping jaws today. Everyone's looking at you..."

She whispered as she handed me a pink drink with a umbrella sticking out of it..

Nah, they're looking at her.. I didn't mention that to her, because to Venus Morrison,her opinion is the only opinion...

She's wearing a white off the shoulder top with a blue Levi's..matching bunny-like earrings,and the little dragon tattoo is peeking out of her shoulders....

I'm sure guys are definitely staring at her..

I stared at the red drink in my hand and started reminding her that I don't drink,but she shushed me before I could..

"Geez. Chill,Trin. It's just raspberry juice.. I know you don't drink, woman."

Oh...okay.

"umm...thanks for the drink."I stared at the drink before talking a slow, tentative sip of it..

I must say it tastes just like it looks, sweet and bubbly..

"I like it.." I murmured as she started grinning at me as she skipped with the beat of the song..

"I knew you'd like it.."

She murmured chuckling as she looked at the girls dancing in middle of the floor,they waved at her and she waved back.

I couldn't exactly say what they're saying,but by the way V is looking at me,then at the girls... I'm guessing they're asking her to join.

"Go,V. I'll be fine here.. Seriously" patting her shoulder , I pushed her into the dancefloor..

She didn't look convinced,but she joined them and within seconds she was dancing and laughing along with them..

More people joined and she vanished between the dancing bodies in the dancefloor...

I sighed as I looked at the place getting crowded so soon, then started moving inside the club so that I can avoid attentions but a voice behind my ear stopped me from moving any further..

"You told me I don't know you. But I know who you are."

I closed my eyes tightly,and probably stopped breathing for a minute as I stared at the floor,not speaking another word..

What is wrong with this guy?

"Now what do you need? A refill?" I turned back and smiled my official sweet smile,"If not,then please..make way for others. you're in their way."

"Just some water,please." His eyes twinkled as he sat his lanky frame in one of the stools...

Can't he just get lost?

I grabbed a glass and poured some water in it,then shoved it in his face...

Take that, asshole.

"Here's your water,sir. Now,get lost."

I smiled my signature smile at him and started taking orders from the girl who was tapping her nail on the counter.

"You know,that would be next to impossible, Thunderbird."

Damn it...what is wrong with this guy?!

Giving the tequila to the gurl,I turned back to a grinning blue eyed jackass..

"Okay. I've had enough of your bullshit now. What do you want?"

I wrangled the neck if a bottle so hard, probably wishing it was his neck I am wrangling now... I wondered why the bottle isn't breaking..

I stared at him,now all hell breaking loose as I glared at him... I'm so annoyed with everything right now.

My sudden straight forward answer must've caught him off guard because he took a moment to answer me..

"I want to talk to you."He replied,one eyebrow raised in a cocky manner that says, take that..

"If you haven't noticed,we are talking."

I shushed the pair of guys causing a ruckus while asking for beers and stared back at him...

Two can play at the game,dear asshole.

"I meant in private. Away from everyone..."

He must've noticed the terrified look on my face, because he grinned..

Think, Trin.. think.Fast.

"What can a bartender be talking with the nephew of this club's owner that would have to be talked "away from people"?"

I used air quote,just to seem cocky,but I was shaking underneath...

I hope he isn't talking about what I'm thinking... probably not. He'll, definitely not.

"I can think of a few things like that.."

I took a long breath....This going south fast.

There's no way I'm gonna go with him.. anywhere. Ever.

Then, suddenly, I had a stupid idea.

"You'll leave me alone if I talk to you..in private,I mean?"

I didn't sound like a grown-up as I said that,more like a three year old crying over her loss of toys..

He chuckled,then nodded..

"Yeah,okay. If that's what you want.."

I don't know what else I could want..but I kept that thought to myself.

Instead,I nodded. Okay. You can do this. All you have to do is talk. Then he'll be gone.

Sighing,I called for Miranda to take my shift as I followed him outside..

"Let's get this over with.."

He chuckled, doing a fake bow as I followed him around the bar...

Everyone in bar was making googly eyes at me,as if asking what's going on..but I kept my eyes on the ground as I walked outside..

I have more important shit to worry about now than people talking about me right now... like where the **** is he taking me..

I stopped as we walked into the parking lot..

"okay. Now what? We're at the parking,and here's no one else here.." I waved my hand around the empty parkway full of cars as if stating my point,"Talk."

"Funny. We're not talking here..get in the car and we'll talk."

He chuckled unlocking the door of his flashy black car and motioning me to get inside..

I must've looked terrified at the idea because he assured me.

"Not gonna dump you in a river. Besides Niall would kill me if he hears one of his pretty staff got vanished and she was last seen with me.."

True enough..He hates when someone messes with his staffs. I'm not sure about the former though..

Biting my lip, I decided to get on with the idea and climbed into his car..

Woah. This is some flashy shit.

I thought as I looked around the black... everything.

"Put on the seatbelt because I don't want his staff to get hurt while I'm driving.."

He grinned as I fumbled with the seatbelt, finally getting it clasped around myself.

"If the broken dustbin around the corner is any sign, I'm thinking this isn't a good idea after all..who knows if I'll even be alive when I go out of the car."

He chuckled and revved the engine, making my hairs fly all around my face as he swerved around wildly...

Jesus Christ this is some wild driving..

The car flew through the roads, literally because I didn't feel any bumps or twists while sitting in the seat..and thought of dozing off.

The seat is that comfortable..

I rolled down the window, feeling the air hit my face as he drove..

Thankfully, he didn't do small talks as we drove.. occasionally (which is literally all the time) swerving wildly making me squeal..

I don't know how long he drove, probably for awhile because I didn't realise when my eyes has closed until I felt someone tapping my shoulder..

"Wake up, sleepyhead."

I jumped, almost hitting the roof of the car if I wasn't wearing a seatbelt..

"Jesus..I was right about the seatbelt,or I'd be accused of hurting this pretty bartender."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that cheesy comment as I looked around the place...

It's dark here..but by the way this place looks...

"You gotta be fucking kidding me..you drove me to a graveyard?"I looked around the place again..

This place is about a hour drive from Niall's.. I've never came here,but I've definitely heard of this place... It's a hangout centre for who-knows-what.

"I'm not sure anymore that you're not gonna kill me and dump my corpse here."

I whispered seriously,but my voice came out light..as if I'm joking..

I wasn't joking,was I?

"Funny. Now get out of my car and follow me..We have a long way to go.."

"To where? In there so you can kill me?"

"Yeah..so cops can't find your dead body when I dump you."

I was skeptica,but I stepped out of the car and followed him to the...fence gate?

What are we gonna do now?

"You're not saying that you're gonna climb up that thing.."

I winced at the,God knows what it'll do to someone's skin if it gets in contact with those... probably more than infection...

"No..I mean I'm gonna climb it. All you need to do is jump and I'll catch you."

He sighed before hoisting himself up and over the gate and dropping with a thud on the other end...

"Is this even legal?" I asked as he started pulling at the chains the keeps the gate closed... and with little to no effort from him,the chains gave apart and he was opening the door for me to get in..

"Who cares?" He grinned as I stepped inside the graveyard and looked around at all the people that has once been loved, buried deep within the earth...

"Spooky.." I muttered before walking to a gravestone that looks younger than the others and read the name aloud..

"Diane Gillian,age fifty two may your soul rest in peace within the earth mother.."

He chuckled," Now who's reading gravestones,huh?"

Then he planted his *** right there,on the ground...

I don't know what is more weird, that I'm in graveyard with a man I barely know,or that I'm seeing Ray Styles sit on the floor, dirts and all..

Who would have thought a bastard like him would be so carefree?

"What?" He asked once he realised I was looking at him and I shook my head.

"I'm just wondering that all these people were once loved, you know. That they once mattered to someone, and now they're being forgotten.. even Diane's family,or the people she loved would forget her.."

I sat on the gravestone, making circles at the floor with my index finger..

"It's funny how people forget you,huh? Once you leave them, it's like you don't exist anymore. Like you never did.."

He sighed, leaning onto a gravestone as well as he stared up at the sky..

I nodded and mimicked his actions.

Just like that,we sat there,not talking...lost in our own head..for how long,I have no idea.

"I used to come here daily,you know. When I stayed with Niall." He murmured after awhile of staring at the sky, "This place was my safe place..where no one would look at me."

I didn't reply him but how I was thinking just that,the irony wasn't lost on me..

"I like this.... This place I mean. It's so.. peaceful."

I closed my eyes and laid my palm on the smooth surface, running my fingers over the engraving in it..

"That's why I brought you here.. You looked like you needed to get away from people. Well,minus the times you looked like you wanted to cut off my balls.."

I smiled in the darkness,amazed that I'm smiling at all as I stared at my palms. This is so strange... I don't remember last when I've been like this, just doing nothing.. and feel the calm all around me...

"Who said I don't want to cut off your balls?"

At that,we both burst out laughing...we laughed until I had tears rolling down my eyes.

It's funny how the strangest things can be good sometimes.. I don't even remember when I've laughed this hard, without forcing it...

"I better keep my balls safe then.." covering his crotch,he snickered earning a dry twig thrown his way..

"I didn't get to see my parents funeral.. they're probably like all these other gravestones hers. Dirty and forgotten."

I don't know what I was saying until it was out, and I wanted to die..

That wasn't supposed to happen.

Thankfully, he didn't press and I was on my feet the next moment, making an excuse that I needed to get back to the club..

It was nice and all, hiding from the world outside.. but the good times are always supposes to come to an end...

Sighing, I started dusting off my jeans,more than ready to leave this place behind...or this moment,I wasn't sure which one.

I sighed..

It's time to face the world.

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