Chapter # 5

In Raj’s room where the atmosphere was icy cold and he was sitting on his sofa and was in deep thoughts.

Raj’s POV:-

“How can I do this?!?! How can I be so irresponsible?!? I can’t do this, my family and my friends were always prior to myself, to everything. So, how can I do this. How can I put myself before everyone else. I think Anjali is right. That night, that incident have nothing to do with them. I shouldn’t have done this, I shouldn’t have ignored anyone of my own. I have always been the one on whom you can depend on and I have never shown my pain or discussed my issues with anyone, I have kept stuff to myself so how can I be so sad and annoying to those who are precious to me. I have never let anyone know that I am in pain or anything that’s what I’m suppose to do but I couldn’t bear the pain this time. That night, that incident, this rain its all beyond my ability to bear it. I can’t even imagine to let it go, it feels like I’m trap in that damn night and can’t get out of it. It’s still so clear that I’m unable to forget about it, even though I have tried so many things but still it seems impossible.”

He quickly stand up and started to walk.. Left.. Right.. Here and there.. Moving his hand from his head to his neck, his hair to his face, and all that…

“NO!! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE! I have to be myself, I have to control myself. They all have done so much for me specially Mohit..They have left everything for me and are here to accompany me and just look at me I’m here living with my shitty pain and ignoring them all. Enough is enough..No sad version of me. I’m having a new life.. I know everything will be fine and I’m gonna fix everything. I know it’s quite difficult to let go of something that is a treasure to you but I can’t afford to lose others. If I can’t get the real me back so what I know me!! I can be a fake one just to make them happy and comfortable in their lives. I know it’s kind of difficult to remain fake in front of loved ones because they know me well enough but you know what I am Raj.. Raj Malhotra.. I can do anything to make my loved ones happy. Let’s see! And Good Luck to me as well.. I can do this I know for sure.. (Hwaiting!) It’s quite late now I should sleep now! Good Night to me!”

Raj couldn’t sleep all night, he sits on the sofa, lay down on the bed, walk around the room, sits in balcony and so on but couldn’t find the peace and comfort.

“Life is so annoying, whenever you want something you love so much it will be taken away from you And Life will challenge you , its just.. its habit or was designed to do it, I don’t know! I just know that whatever fu&$# thing happened in my life it have nothing to do with others and I have to keep everything to myself. I still remember that day, that time, that rain, that bloody night and that damn darkness. I didn’t forget anything about that incident. Whom should I tell this all and whom should I tell that it was such a big shock to me and I can’t get myself out of this. All my life I just wanted that damn.. But I couldn’t have it.. How can I live with this burden and all those memories.. I can’t get rid of it.. I’m so tired.. I’m just tired to the hell.. I want someone who can help me out of this endless trap.. This loop of dark memories.. NO!! I need someone.. But who the hell can understand me.. I’m an asshole which can not be understood by anyone and this is so annoying.. I just want..”

Phone rings and its his alarm and he slide his finger on the screen to stop it.

“It’s already 6 in the morning, WTF it was 2 o clock just a moment ago, ahh.. Man I have to control my mind to have a grip on my life. Well let’s have a shower, it’s a new day, a new beginning and I want to make them happy. So let’s have a shower and after that let’s make a breakfast for everyone.”

He went to the bathroom and after getting ready he went downstairs in to the kitchen to make a breakfast for them. He used to make food for them it was one of his talents to make yummy and healthy food for his loved ones but after that incident he stopped being his self.

Everyone woke up and went straight to Raj’s room to wake him up but as they reached and went inside his room.. There’s no one and the bed is set everything is neat and clean. Which make them all tense and panic.

Anjali: “Guys where is?”

Amar : “Don’t tell me he want to suicide?”

Anjali: “I think we have talked to much last night and he couldn’t bear it.

Mohit was checking bathroom and under the bed and all that : “Shut The Hell Up and Find Him!!”

They all left in a hurry to find him, as they all reached in the living area Raj called them..

Raj was setting the dining table for breakfast..

Raj: “Guys!! Where???” a surprised look on his and both hands in a questioning position…

Mohit came closer : “Where were you?”

Raj : “ Was making some breakfast.. Let’s have a seat.. You two come and have some..”

Amar came, pull the chair out and sit on it with such a big smile and satisfaction on his face: “Wow dude.. After a decade I’m having a breakfast made by him.. I thought I’m gonna die without eating anything made by you AGAIN…”

Anjali came and sit silently for having some breakfast.

Mohit: “ Raj?”

Raj: “ Yeah?”

Mohit: “Dude are you fine? I mean is everything okay with you?”

Raj: “No I’m not okay!”

They all freeze up and looked at him.

Mohit: “Dude we are really sorry for being mean.. And this Anjali.. She.. She’s mad bro.. You know what I mean..”

Anjali: “Yeah Raj.. I..am..crazy.. I’m stupid!”

Raj: “Guys…”

Amar: “Even I’m sorry man.. I was just..”

Raj: “GUYS.. SHUT THE HELL UP! AT LEAST LISTEN TO ME!”

Mohit: “oh sorry bro!”.

Raj: “First of all stop saying sorry over and over again it’s so annoying..”

Amar: “Okay then..?!?”

Raj: “I’m not okay because I’m perfectly fine and there’s nothing wrong with me! So calm down and chill!”

Anjali: “Sure?”

Raj: “Yup!”

Mohit: “Okay good.. Now hurry up we need to go.. It’s already 7:30.”

They all ate their breakfast with such happiness, after a long time and left for their new adventure.. I. E. University..

It was a new day, a new beginning and no one knew what was going to happen next.. All they knew was that they have their Raj back and that’s it.. No more and no less.. But who knew behind that smile there is a person who wanna cry but can’t.. Behind making that breakfast is person who wanna give up on everything but can’t.. Who knows this Raj is a fake one and is just trying to be the real one.. No one knows he want to give up because he’s tired but can’t because there are so many people who depends on him and needs him.

That’s life of a person who always care about others but can’t find someone who cares about himself,who can understand him.. The one who care the most is always the one left out without care and love. That’s life and its unfair I guess!

TO BE CONTINUED…

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