Chapter 18

Ever felt your heart ache so deeply that you can't even figure out why? Like something is twisting inside you, but you don't know what triggered it or why it hurts so much. That's how I feel right now — except worse. It's not embarrassment. It's not nerves. And it's definitely not the feeling of being a burden to the last person I want to feel that way toward. I'm not sure what it is. It all happened so fast, yet somehow it felt like slow motion.

I blink slowly, my gaze meeting Jake's as I lay on the floor. He smells good. Too good. The kind of scent that sinks into your thoughts and clouds everything else. My eyes drift to his long lashes, fluttering slightly when he blinks. I've never noticed how perfect his nose is — sharp, clean lines, almost like it was sculpted. His bottom lip catches beneath his teeth for half a second, but it's long enough for me to notice. Why am I suddenly examining him like this?

After what feels like an eternity, he sighs — more of a scoff, really — and pushes himself up from the floor. "Watch where you're going."

It takes me a second to gather myself before I sit up too. "Maybe you should pay more attention to your surroundings." I snap, my voice half-stammering as I cross my arms. "You're not the only one living here, you know!"

What was this? It's like that moment on the bleachers never happened. I told myself I'd give Jake space. I promised myself I wouldn't make things harder. That I would take Chris's advice.

"Believe me, I know." Jake says, his tone sharp enough to cut through me. He said it in a voice that made it clear exactly how he feels about me staying here.

Silence stretches between us, tense and uncomfortable. My heart pounds so hard I swear I can hear it echoing down the hall. Does he hate the idea of me being here that much? The thought makes my chest tighten, and I blink hard against the sting of tears.

I take a shaky breath, my voice small when I finally speak. "What if it was Eslie instead—"

"What if you got hurt?" he says, cutting over me.

We both freeze, the words hanging in the air. Our eyes meet — wide, startled. Did that really just happen? But I heard him. Clear as day. My heart stumbles over itself, so loud it's dizzying. My hand twitches toward my chest, tempted to steady the wild beating, but that would make it too obvious.

Neither of us says anything for a long minute. The silence widening, heavy and uncomfortable. Jake scratches the back of his head, his gaze flicking toward the floor before he turns to his room.

"Whatever." he mutters under his breath, and then he slams the door behind him.

I'm left standing there, completely dumbfounded. My thoughts are a mess, tangled and fraying, and I barely have time to process any of it before the sound of the front door opening pulls me back to reality.

I turn toward the entrance as Mrs. Lee and Eslie step inside, arms full of groceries.

They both pause when they see me standing there, frozen. Then Mrs. Lee's warm voice cuts through the tension. "What are you doing standing there, sweetie?"

She shifts the weight of the grocery bags in her arms while Eslie, holding a single bag, eyes me suspiciously.

"Would you help us unload the groceries?" Mrs. Lee asks. It takes a second for her words to register through the haze clouding my mind, but I finally snap out of it and nod. "Of course!"

I reach to take some of Mrs. Lee's bags, but I catch Eslie watching me closely. Her gaze sharpens, like she's reading something beneath the surface. I give her a bright smile, trying to act normal.

She's sucking on a candy pop, her tongue stained bright blue. She slides it from her mouth and narrows her eyes at me. "You're acting weird."

The words catch me off guard, and my brain stumbles for a response before I manage a light laugh. "I guess I'm just weird, huh?"

She doesn't smile. Her gaze darkens, cutting through my forced ease. "Weirder than usual."

My breath catches for a second, but I shake it off with another laugh. I grab the groceries from Mrs. Lee's hands. "Yeah."

Mrs. Lee chuckles, letting me take the bags. "Eslie picked up a therapist book at the store, and now she thinks she's a feelings detective!"

I laugh lightly, playing along. "Oh, I see."

Eslie's eyes narrow. Her pout deepens.

"Mom!" she whines, cheeks flushing as she clearly does not like getting exposed by her mom.

Mrs. Lee laughs as she heads down the hall. "What? Was it a secret?" Her voice is light, teasing.

I laugh too, but my mind is already drifting. Jake's voice echoes in my head.

"What if you got hurt?"

Did he really mean that? Did he sound worried — or relieved? Like he'd care if I got hurt, or like he'd be glad? The moment is already slipping away, and I can't seem to hold onto the tone in his voice anymore. Maybe I imagined it. Maybe it wasn't anything at all.

.

.

.

Four days have passed since then. Talking to Jake feels like a luxury now. I've barely even seen him — just a glimpse here and there. He leaves for school early in the morning, and when he does show up to the one class we share, he's barely present. Distant. I guess this is me giving him space without even trying.

As I walk down the halls, it seems like everyone's already forgotten what happened on the bleachers. For the first two days, it was all anyone could talk about. But now... it's all crickets. Like it never even happened. I should at least be glad about that.

"Princess."

I glance over my shoulder at the sound of Chris's voice. I'm on the school roof, leaning against the balcony, getting a small glimpse of Jake.

"Oh, Chris. Hey."

He grins, walking toward me. "Don't sound too excited." he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I let out a faint laugh as he holds out one of the two cans of soda he got from the vending machine. I take it without thinking.

"What are you looking at?" he asks, stepping up beside me and resting his arms on the railing.

My eyes stay fixed where they've been the whole time — on Jake. He's standing with a few girls down below. They've been talking for a while now, but even from up here, I can tell Jake isn't interested. His body language is stiff, his gaze distant. But maybe that's just how he is with everyone... except Chris.

"He looks like a tiny human from here." Chris says suddenly, shattering the mood.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Was that necessary?"

He laughs, pointing toward Jake. "Come on! You can't deny it!"

I shake my head, annoyed. My gaze lingers on Jake for a second longer before I turn around, leaning my back against the railing with my arms crossed.

"Why is the weather so cold these days?" I groan.

Chris turns to face me, laughing at how miserable I look. "I don't know, maybe because the seasons are changing?" His tone is light, teasing.

I shoot him a sharp glare. My uniform skirt isn't doing much against the cold, so I've got my gym track pants on underneath. I already feel uncomfortable enough without him making fun of me.

Chris steps back in mock surrender, raising his soda in the air. I pop open my can and take a sip.

"It's warm..." I half complain, frowning at the can.

Chris glances at me. "You said the weather's cold these

days."

I raise an eyebrow at his words. "But I just said that now." I turn to face him properly, my elbow resting on the railing. "You couldn't possibly have known I wanted my soda warm."

Chris takes another sip, his gaze drifting forward before flicking back to me. "I guess I just know you too well, princess."

My cheeks heat up instantly. I suck in a sharp breath and quickly look away, but I catch the faint curve of his smile from the corner of my eye before he takes another sip.

I groan to myself and slide down onto the floor, tucking my hands into the pockets of my sweater.

Chris sinks down beside me. He's quiet at first — unusually quiet. Like he's weighing whether to say something. Hesitant. That's rare for him. Then he leans back against the balcony wall, his gaze distant.

"You still giving him time?" he asks quietly.

I nod slowly. That moment still replays in my mind — the way we crashed into each other in front of his room, the way he said I could've gotten hurt. I still can't figure out the tone he used. Did he sound worried? Or was I imagining it? But what does it matter anymore? It's been four days, and we haven't spoken since.

"If he's happy without me..." I start, inhaling a small breath, "then I guess that makes me somewhat... relaxed."

Chris turns his head toward me, his expression hard to read.

"That didn't make sense, did it?" I mumble.

He watches me for a moment, serious — until the usual grin creeps onto his face. "I understood what you meant."

He looks straight ahead and sighs. "But I think Jake was pretty happy around you."

My eyes widen slightly. There's no way he just said that. I almost laugh at how ridiculous it sounds. "No way!" I scoff, the idea so absurd I can't help but laugh. "You call that happy?"

I think about Jake's usual expression around me — cold, distant, irritated — and nearly cackle.

Chris rolls his eyes at my words, clearly not understanding why I'm denying it. But I would have known if Jake was happy. Sure, I've seen him smile a couple of times, but that was about it.

"Trust me." Chris sighs, his tone shifting to something more serious. "The bickering between you two probably made him happy." He looks up at the sky, his expression softening, as if lost in a memory. "He barely much spoke before... barely had anything other than pure despair weighing on him."

He glances back at me, and I catch the flicker of pain in his eyes as he talks about Jake. "You may not see it, but you made him feel so alive. He must have realized it too."

My heart pounds as I absorb his words. I haven't noticed anything. But then again, I'm not as close to Jake as Chris is, so maybe he caught the subtle signs right away. He's been paying attention all along.

"I noticed it at the amusement park." Chris continues. "You two bickered so effortlessly. I thought... this isn't the Jake I know. It couldn't be..."

That day...

I had so much fun that day...

I thought it was just Jake being stubborn, so we bickered. But there was something different, something more alive about him, even if I didn't realize it at the time.

"I thought..." Chris's voice wavers, his words hanging in the air before he continues. "He didn't need me anymore as long as he had you."

A wave of guilt crashes over me. I stand up abruptly, feeling the weight of his words.

"I like when the three of us hang out!" I blurt out before I can stop myself. "I know I may not show it, but I do cherish our moments..."

Chris looks at me, a little taken aback by my sudden outburst. Then he grins, his demeanor shifting, like he's finally at ease. "Is that so, princess?"

I sigh in relief, knowing that he doesn't feel like he's been replaced. But the relief is bittersweet.

It only hurts so much to know that Chris watched his best friend slip away and couldn't do anything about it in the past. I can only imagine what he felt back then. He's been carrying that pain for so long, most likely even way ahead in the future. But I'm determined to change the outcome this time. I won't let history repeat itself. Chris may never know what happened to his best friend, but I'll make sure that Jake doesn't have to go through that kind of tragedy again. I'll do whatever it takes.

.

.

.

Afterwards, Chris and I walk down from the roof. It feels like we've been up there for ages. I rub my hands together to warm them up. "It was freezing."

"You want me to bring over soup for the cold you're gonna have tomorrow?" Chris teases, and I glare at him. "Oh, shut up!"

He chuckles, and I can't help but join in, letting out a small laugh despite myself.

"Weren't you cold?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"No, not really."

"What! You're joking!" I exclaim as we turn a corner.

"No, really, I wasn't—"

I immediately stop in my tracks, my breath catching in my throat. I grab Chris by the arm and pull him back behind the corner. We both hold our breaths, trying to steady ourselves. After a moment, we peek our heads around the corner in sync, like something out of a mystery movie. We probably look so stupid right now.

But wWhat we see is nothing like I expected.

Chris is the first to speak, clearly confused. "I'm so confused." He lowers his voice, leaning in. "Who is that?"

I barely hear him. My heart is pounding in my chest as I take in the scene before us. To Chris, it might look like a normal interaction, but to me...

My breath quickens.

There she is. Romy. My mom. Handing a note to Jake. The air around them feels heavy, dull, almost suffocating. Jake doesn't seem annoyed, but I can see his hands reach out to grab ahold of the letter — the same one I saw my mom writing four days ago. How could this be? I thought she had a crush on some background character, someone I'd never know — just another random development in her life. But no, this is something else entirely.

How could I see passed it?

I never would have imagined where her heart truly lay, and it floods me with memories of the future, when my mom once said she barely knew him back then. I haven't changed her past at all, which can only mean one thing: her crush on Jake is canon.

My chest tightens. My heart pounds so rapidly that it feels like it's about to leap out of my throat. I want to take a deep breath, but it's like the air is being sucked out of the room.

It's as if the walls are closing in around me, and I can almost hear the screech of pressure building in my ears. My breathing comes in short, shallow gasps. No. This can't be. It just can't.

Romy had a crush on Jake? This whole time?

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