THE FEELING OF BEING WATCHED
I wave a hand at Mia with a bright smile on my face as I turn to walk away on my way.
On the first day of college I stumbled on Mia and we instantly bonded. She is totally unique from any friends I ever had. She doesn't mind my exhausting silence at times. And she hears me out. Always. Whenever I need someone. I don't think I have had someone like that since...
Never mind. That was ten years ago. That is a past I no longer associate myself with.
The streets are filled with overflowing college students but I silently walk my way through to my apartment.
It is a small apartment, not the majestic kind. I could have just stayed in the college, and not bother renting a place and coming all the way over and go again the first thing in the morning. But I like my freedom.
Until freedom didn't feel so liberating.
As I walk through the dark hallway, I feel a shiver going down my spine.
The weight of being watched.
I swip around to only see the blackness of the night sky.
I clutch my apartment keys tight between my fingers, pacing as fast as I can to my apartment.
As I close the door behind, I release a breath of relief.
Exhausted from the long day full of classes, I kick off my shoes and toss my bag over on the sofa. I walk to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water.
And suddenly my phone rings through the dead silence, getting a shriek out of me.
Thank God I didn't drop the glass from my hands otherwise it would be a mess to clean up.
I head over to the living room to grab my phone.
Oh, it's mum. Face-timing me.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
Sweetie!
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
How are you?
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
How was college?
Lilian Winslet
Mum, I am good and college is awesome.
Lilian Winslet
I even made a friend.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
Within one week?
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
That's something.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
Oh, are you done decorating your apartment?
That reminds me of the pending decorations I have and my eyes sweep around the room.
Lilian Winslet
Well, little bits left here and there.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
Show me!
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
I can't wait to go over but you know... Busy with work. I will visit, don't worry.
Lilian Winslet
It's fine, mum. You also have a life.
Lilian Winslet
Anyway, let me show you.
I switch over the camera to show her the rooms. There's not many though. One bedroom, the kitchen, the living room, the washroom and the balcony.
Lilian Winslet
Wait, hold on.
Lilian Winslet
I need to show you this.
I flip over on my bed and show her my most valued possession. My bookshelf!
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
OH. MY GOD.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
That is gorgeous.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
Congratulations!
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
You finally have your dream bookshelf.
Lilian Winslet
Though it's going to be a menace to carry over when I get placed.
I can't help smiling because as I take in the view of my bookshelf I see the little girl who always dreamt of nothing but a big bookshelf stocked up with books.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
Oh, don't you worry about that.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
We will manage.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
Now, have some rest. I will hang up now.
Mrs Winslet (FL mom)
Bye, darling.
Lilian Winslet
Bye, mum. Talk to you tomorrow.
She blows me a kiss through the screen and I do the same before pressing the red button.
I go over to the kitchen to finally have my glass of water.
Something in the feels different.
I put down my glass and take a quick scan of my apartment. Nothing. Everything's the same as it has been.
My bag on the couch, my phone laying over on the centre table, my shoes tossed around, the bedroom door slightly open as I had opened it just now. Everything is as it should be.
I take up the glass, sipping water as I slouch down on my bed scanning my bookshelf for my next read.
The shiver down my spine.
My eyes land on the lowest bookshelf, one which has wrapped itself in dust.
Lilian Winslet
Where is my book?
Maybe I forgot. Maybe I placed it somewhere else.
I find myself asking because I always remember to put my things back in place.
I always remember to put my books back into place.
I stand up upright, my eyes sweeping across my whole room. A wind flows in through the open window and my eyes land on my desk.
My eyes open wide, half in horror, half in disbelief.
My childhood book, my favourite is wide open right there on my desk.
My steps are shaky as I reach over.
The book is open on its last page. With silent eyes I read the page and as it ends I see something which isn't supposed to be there. Which wasn't there. EVER.
With a dark shade of red are the words written: FOREVER, MY LITTLE PRINCESS.
Lilian Winslet
No! This is crazy.
Lilian Winslet
I was lending this book all over the place, to everyone.
Lilian Winslet
Someone must have written it and as I almost completely forgot the existence of this book, this slipped out of my mind.
I try my most convincing words yet that night I find myself triple-checking my door and bolting the windows.
I am just tried. It has been a long day today. Yes, that's it. I just need some goddamn sleep.
Before I switch off the bedroom light I see the silhouette of a person across the street, staring right at my room.
I rub my eyes, entirely convinced my mind is playing dirty tricks on me. When I open my eyes, the silhouette is gone.
See? There's nothing there. Go to sleep, Lilian. Just go to sleep.
I slip into my duvet, shut my eyes and try to drift off. But something tells me this isn't paranoia.
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