Chapter 5 (part 2)

"Why's he abdicating?" Taryn asks.

Vivi's smirk has turned nasty. "His children got impatient with him for remaining alive."

A wash of rage passes over Madoc's face. Taryn and I don't dare bait him for fear that his patience with us stretches only so far, but Vivi is expert at it. When he answers her, I can see the effort he's inaking to bite his tongue. "Few kings of Faerie have ruled so well for so long as Eldred. Now he goes to seek the Land of Promise."

As far as I can tell, the Land of Promise is their euphemism for death, although they do not admit it. They say it is the place that the Folk came from and to which they will eventually return.

"Are you saying he's leaving the throne because he's old?" I ask, wondering if I'm being impolite. There are hobs born with lined faces like tiny, hairless cats and smooth-limbed nixies whose true age shows only in their ancient eyes. I didn't think time mattered to them.

Oriana doesn't look happy, but she isn't actively shushing me, either, so maybe it's not that rude. Or maybe she doesn't expect any better than bad manners out of me.

"We may not die from age, but we grow weary with it," Madoc says with a heavy sigh. "I have made war in Eldred's name. I have broken Courts that denied him fealty. I have even led skirmishes against the Queen of the Undersea. But Eldred has lost his taste for bloodshed. He allows those under his banners to rebel in small and large ways even as other Courts refuse to submit to us. It's time to ride to battle. It's time for a new monarch, a hungry one."

Oriana furrows her brow in mild confusion. "By preference, your kin would have you safe."

"What good is a general with no war?" Madoc takes a large, restless swallow of wine. I wonder how often he needs to wet his cap with fresh blood. "The new king's coronation will be at the autumn solstice. Worry not. I have a plan to ensure our futures. Only concern yourselves with making ready for a great deal of dancing."

I am wondering what his plan might be when Taryn kicks me under the table. When I turn to glare at her, she raises both brows. "Ask him," she mouths.

Madoc looks in her direction. "Yes?"

"Jude wants to ask you something," Taryn says. The worst part is, I think she believes she's helping.

I take a deep breath. At least he seems to be in a good mood. "I've been thinking about the tournament." I imagined saying these words many, many times, but now that I am actually doing it, they don't seem to come out the way I planned. "I'm not bad with a sword."

"You do yourself too modest," Madoc says. "Your bladesmanship is excellent."

That seems encouraging. I look over at Taryn, who appears to be holding her breath. Everyone at the table has gone still except for Oak, who taps his glass against the side of his plate. "I am going to fight in the Summer Tournament, and I want declare myself ready to be chosen for knighthood."

Madoc's brows go up. "That's what you want? It's dangerous work."

I nod. "I'm not afraid."

"Interesting," he says. My heart thuds dully in my chest. I have thought through every aspect of this plan except for the possibility that he won't allow it.

"I want to make my own way at the Court," I say.

"You're no killer," he tells me. I flinch, my gaze coming up to his. He looks back at me steadily with his golden cat eyes.

"I could be," I insist. "I've been training for a decade."

Since you took me, I do not say, although it must be in my eyes.

He shakes his head sadly. "What you lack is nothing to do with experience."

"No, but-" I begin.

"Enough. I have made my decision," he says, raising his voice to cut me off. After a moment when we both are silent, he gives me a conciliatory half smile. "Fight in the tournament if you like, for sport, but you will not put on the green sash. You're not ready to be a knight. You can ask me again after the coronation, if your heart's still set on it. And if it's a whim, that will be time enough for it to pass."

"This is no whim!" I hate the desperation in my voice, but I have been counting down the days to the tournament. The idea of waiting months, just so he can turn me down again, fills me with wild despair.

Madoc gives me an unreadable look. "After the coronation," he repeats.

I want to scream at him: Do you know how hard it is to always keep your head down? To swallow insults and endure outright threats? And yet I have done so. I thought it proved my toughness. I thought if you saw I could take whatever came at me and still smile, you would see that I was worthy.

You're no killer.

He has no idea what I am.

Maybe I don't know, either. Maybe I never let myself find out.

"Prince Dain will make a fine king," Oriana says, deftly shifting the conversation back to pleasant things. "A coronation means a month of balls. We will need new dresses." She seems to include Taryn and me in this sweeping statement. "Magnificent ones."

Madoc nods, smiling his toothy smile. "Yes, yes, as many as you like. I would have you look your finest and dance your hardest."

I try to breathe slowly, to concentrate on just one thing. The pomegranate seeds on my plate, shining like rubies, wet with venison blood.

After the coronation, Madoc said. I try to focus on that. It only feels like never.

I'd love to have a Court dress like the ones I have seen in Oriana's wardrobe, opulent patterns intricately stitched on skirts of gold and silver, each as beautiful as the dawn. I focus on that, too.

But then I go too far and imagine myself in that dress, sword at my hip, transformed, a true member of the Court, a knight in the Circle of Falcons. And Cardan watching me from across the room, standing beside the king, laughing at my pretension.

Laughing like he knows this is a fantasy that won't ever be real.

I pinch my leg until pain washes everything away.

"You'll have to wear out the soles of your shoes, just like the rest of us," Vivi says to me and Taryn. "I bet Oriana's sick with worry that since Madoc encouraged you to dance, she can't stop you. Horror of horrors, you might have a good time."

Oriana presses her lips together. "That's not fair, nor is it true." Vivi rolls her eyes. "If it wasn't true, I couldn't say it."

"Enough, all of you!" Mados slams his hand down on the table, making us all jump. "Coronations are a time when many things are possible. Change is coming, and there is no wisdom in crossing me."

I can't tell if he's talking about Prince Dain or ungrateful daughters or both.

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