CHAPTER 5

The morning came far too quickly. I woke up feeling unrested, as if sleep had only given me a brief respite from the thoughts swirling in my head. The room was dim, and the quiet of the house felt heavier than usual.

I pushed the blankets off and sat up, rubbing my eyes as I stared at the clock. I was running late, as always, but my mind wasn’t focused on getting ready for school. It was consumed with last night—the voices, the laughter, the man I hadn’t recognized. I couldn’t shake the feeling of it, the way it unsettled me.

I went through my morning routine mechanically—brushing my teeth, washing my face, pulling on a clean uniform without much thought. Everything felt like I was on autopilot, but nothing seemed to ease the tension I felt in my chest.

As I walked downstairs, I could hear the faint sound of the television in the living room. My mom was awake, sitting on the couch, the soft glow of the TV screen illuminating her face. She was sipping a cup of coffee, her eyes distant. She looked... different. A little more relaxed than I had seen her in a long time. It was a side of her I wasn’t used to.

I stood in the doorway for a moment, unsure of what to say, unsure of how to ask the question that had been nagging at me since last night.

Taking a deep breath, I finally stepped into the room, walking over to where she sat. She didn’t look up at first, but when she heard my footsteps, she turned, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Good morning,” she said, as if nothing had happened. But I couldn’t ignore the faint flush of color in her cheeks.

“Mom,” I said, my voice quieter than I intended. I paused, not sure how to begin. The words felt heavy in my mouth. “Last night... you... you were with someone.” I couldn’t hide the confusion in my voice, nor the small, tight knot that had formed in my stomach. “Who was that man?”

Her eyes flickered with something—surprise, maybe even a little discomfort—but she didn’t pull away. She took another sip of her coffee before setting it down, her hands folding together on her lap.

“It’s nothing,” she said softly, but there was an edge to her tone, like she was trying to downplay it. “I just—he’s an old friend. Someone I’ve known for a while.”

I stared at her, still trying to process what that meant. An old friend? I could feel the weight of my own confusion pressing against me. It wasn’t the words themselves; it was how she said them—too casually, too quickly. Like she wasn’t telling me everything.

“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” I asked, my voice trembling slightly, though I couldn’t quite understand why. Maybe it was because I had always thought of our family as something untouchable, something unchangeable after Dad passed. This wasn’t something I had expected to confront.

Her expression softened, and for a moment, I saw the vulnerability that she had always kept hidden away. “I didn’t think it would matter,” she said, her voice quieter now, almost apologetic. “I didn’t want you to think that… that I was trying to replace your father. That’s not what this is.”

I bit my lip, feeling a knot tighten in my chest. I didn’t know how to respond.

“I just—” she continued, her voice trembling now, like she was searching for the right words, “I needed to find something for myself. It’s been a long time, and I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to talk to, to share things with. It’s not easy, you know?”

I nodded, but I didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand what she was saying—it was just that I wasn’t ready for any of it. Her moving on, the idea of her having a life outside of being my mother, it felt like too much.

I stood there in the silence for a moment, feeling the distance between us stretch wider than it ever had before.

“Are you… are you okay with this?” she asked, her voice quiet, almost tentative.

I swallowed hard, not sure how to answer. Was I okay with it? I wasn’t sure. But somehow, I managed to nod.

“I guess I have to be,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

She gave me a small, understanding smile, though I could tell she was still unsure of how I felt.

The weight of the conversation hung in the air as I turned to leave, my mind racing. It wasn’t just about last night. It was about everything—the unspoken distance between us, the changes that had slowly begun to creep into our lives.

As I walked back to the stairs, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was just the beginning of something I hadn’t been ready for. And for the first time in a long while, I wasn’t sure where I stood with her, or even with myself.

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