Chapter 4

Hooking his toes, encased in a sneaker, into the small hollow on the rock, Elias grasped onto Alistair’s shoulders and pulled himself up, onto his lap, all without breaking the kiss.
Alistair's legs uncrossed underneath him, only to entangle with his.
And Elias started tugging at Alistair’s shirt feverously, trying to get the offensive thing off.
Alistair
Alistair
You’re so eager.
Alistair chuckled, the sound reverberating through Elias.
And then, he growled when Elias gently nibbled on his lower lip.
Alistair
Alistair
Elias!
His fingers dug into Elias’s hair.
Elias’s legs swept over the rock and locked around Alistair’s waist.
Bam!
He hit the book which flew over the stone, the pages flipping vigorously.
Elias
Elias
Your sketchbook!
Elias threw himself at it, catching it just before it would fall over the edge and land in the dirty soil.
The muscles in his calves, thighs, and abdomen flexed as they used Alistair’s waist for their anchor.
But it lasted less than a second, as Alistair’s strong arms came around Elias’s stomach, pulling him back up.
Alistair
Alistair
Don’t tell me you hate me so much you want to hurt yourself just so you could escape from me?
...Alistair jested, although his eyes were full of concern.
And fear.
It was the first time ever that Elias saw Alistair afraid.
And more than anything, he wanted to erase that look, completely.
Slightly out of breath, Elias said:
Elias
Elias
I didn’t…want your sketchbook to get…ruined.
Elias
Elias
It looked like it means…a lot…to you.
His chest was rising and falling fast, and he couldn’t tell if it was from all of the exercising, or the intense kissing that took place only moments ago.
Or perhaps, it was the desire to tear those clothes from Alistair and lose himself in his warm embrace.
Alistair
Alistair
Not as much as—
Alistair suddenly paused and shook his head.
Alistair
Alistair
It’s just not worth getting injured over.
He was about to take the sketchbook from Elias when Elias dropped his eyes at it.
And regretted it almost immediately.
Elias
Elias
Is this person real?
A knot formed in his throat.
With the sun setting on the horizon, the colors of amethyst and rhodolite were spilling over a page, adorned with another drawing of an angel, in ink.
Or better yet, THE angel.
The exact same one as the one Alistair drew earlier.
Only that this time, the angel was fully exposed, and clearly male.
He was lying on silken sheets, *****, although the drawing ended just under the waistline.
His upper body reminded of a stone statue, lean yet muscular.
Those black wings were spread around him, just as were the long strands of hair, like a halo.
An arm over his eyes made it impossible to distinguish the face, but the satisfied smile on his slightly-parted lips was enough to tell exactly after which activity the picture had been drawn.
Elias would dismiss it as just art if it weren’t for the words below it, written in a cursive font.
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Elias
Elias
*Me unum atque unicum. Mea amor.*
He wasn’t entirely sure about the first line, but for the second one, he didn’t need any explanation.
Elias
Elias
*My love.*
Alistair snatched the sketchbook back and closed it shut with a hollow thud.
Alistair
Alistair
You weren’t supposed to see this.
Elias
Elias
*Of all the things he could say.*
Elias’s heart sank even lower.
Elias
Elias
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.
He started climbing off the rock, the earlier eagerness gone.
Elias
Elias
Look, if you have a partner, you should’ve just told me.
Elias
Elias
I don’t mind hooking up with people in an open relationship, as long as all parties consent.
Elias
Elias
If you two are monogamous though, I don’t intend to be the person you cheat with.
Alistair
Alistair
No, no, no!
Alistair
Alistair
Elias, wait!
Alistair jumped down, then, gripping the sketchbook tightly, blocked Elias’s way.
Alistair
Alistair
First, stop apologizing, there's nothing to apologize for.
Alistair
Alistair
This was my mistake.
Alistair
Alistair
Secondly, you’re coming to wrong conclusions.
Elias stopped.
Elias
Elias
I am?
A flicker of hope ignited in his chest.
Alistair
Alistair
Yes.
Alistair nodded.
Alistair
Alistair
Look, he’s real, and he used to be my lover.
Alistair
Alistair
But that was a long time ago.
Alistair
Alistair
He used to keep on telling me I was his whole world, but once I gave him what he wanted, he just took it and left as though what we had never mattered.
At those words, an image of Elias's mother flashed before his eyes.
Elias
Elias
What a fucking asshole.
...he muttered, unable to resist.
Elias
Elias
*An emotionally-abusive manipulator.*
With his free hand, Alistair reached forward.
He sifted his fingers through Elias’s short locks of hair, making Elias involuntarily shudder.
Alistair
Alistair
Not to me.
...he whispered, gazing into Elias’s eyes.
He leaned in for a kiss.
The moment his lips locked on Elias’s, despite himself, Elias moaned.
Elias
Elias
Haah.
Instinctually, his body arched into Alistair’s, the air squeezing out of Elias’s lungs at the firm pressure.
And then, the last shred of sanity thankfully kicking in, he pushed Alistair away.
His eyes went wide at realization as they searched Alistair’s face, full of desperate longing.
He gasped:
Elias
Elias
You still love him.
It wasn’t a question.
His chest heaving, he moved back.
Elias
Elias
And I somehow remind you of him.
Elias
Elias
That’s why you were acting so familiar with me.
Elias
Elias
Why you went along with me pouncing on you so fast.
Elias
Elias
And here I was, thinking you are as attracted to me as I am to you.
Alistair
Alistair
Elias…
Alistair took a step forward.
Elias
Elias
No.
Elias put up a hand to stop Alistair’s protests while he rubbed his forehead with the other.
Elias
Elias
This isn’t going to work out, at all. I could maybe be okay with being a rebound.
Elias
Elias
But a replacement?
Elias
Elias
That’s too much, even for me.
Alistair
Alistair
I guess that’s…understanble.
Alistair sighed.
Alistair
Alistair
I shouldn’t have done this to you.
Elias
Elias
*You really shouldn’t.*
Elias
Elias
*Getting my hopes up so much.*
Elias
Elias
*But really, it was my own fault.*
Elias
Elias
*I wanted more than I could ever have.*
Elias dropped his arms.
Elias
Elias
It’s fine.
Elias
Elias
I hope you’ll be able to sort through these emotions one day.
Elias
Elias
I truly do.
Elias
Elias
For your own sake.
And then, he turned around, every inch of him burning with sadness.
Under the faint, silvery moonlight, now penetrating the tree crowns, he started running.
Only that this time, he didn’t look back.
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