Maybe for the Best

I always came back to a home where death lingered.

It was hard, to look everywhere around me and not see their ghosts. My present intertwining with my past. I try to let go, but I find them everywhere, as they try to remind me. How bad am I as a daughter and a sister to forget them?

My heart felt heavy, and so did my body, tired from the day. I'm an absolute failure. A weakling.

Would they be looking down from me and be proud of me? I hope so. But I'm ashamed.

I removed my shoes and came further in the house. I sat down the sofa, scrolled my phone and saw if any new texts came.

Normally, I'd tell my family I'd come home, but this time it's fruitless. Tears stream down my cheeks as I look at our barren family group chat. I still wonder if I had ever loved them enough in their life. I wonder if they felt my love, even through my silence.

But I wipe it, there was no use in crying. The tears won't bring them back. But maybe, science will. Maybe I can find a way. I'm no genius, but I will work hard.

So I do the thing I could in that moment. I stand up and go to the shower. There was no use in trying to immediately get to things I have no control yet. I have to calm down and clear my head. Mom would agree.

...****************...

After the shower, I felt refreshed. I brewed some coffee and poured the excess water in the thermos. What's the use? It's not like anyone else would be using it. It would be cold by tomorrow when I'd need some again. I sigh and sip my drink.

Then I go to my desk, and get to work. First schoolwork, business, then business.

I'm conducting research related to the heart. I'm still finding a way if there's possibly any other way I could strengthen a weak heart. I don't know much, but I know the basics. So hopefully, I get an idea.

Hmm, what if I replace some tissues to the cardiac muscle? Or create a material that is similar in function and properties. First I have to find if that's possible, if it is, then I'll need to find some grants I can apply to and create my research proposals and draft. I'm thinking of going to the national university's laboratory where my friend Sara and her team conducted research and apply if I can use it as well...

This is gonna give me a long headache.. But I will do this, even if it's hard, long and tedious. I don't want anyone else to hurt the same way that I did just because there was no cure.

...----------------...

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I tap the alarm off. It's 3 AM. I only got three hours of sleep today. Sucks. Still have to review for today's quizzes, cook and do my morning routine. Hope I don't forget anything this time.

And so, I rose out of bed. But the moment I stood up, everything went dark.

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