The White Goddess and the German Mafioso

Episode 5

-It's been a few days since my brother has been staying with me. The truth is that his company has helped me a lot, but this pain I feel in my being has not lessened; every day that passes it is stronger. I have no energy for anything, loneliness has become my companion. Thanks to it, I sometimes hear a voice that tells me that everything was my fault, that I should end this suffering, but I try to ignore it. My brother traveled for business.

My parents have come several times, as have my triplet brothers, Sofia, and my cousins. I make an effort to disguise it with them, to make it seem like nothing is happening to me, that nothing hurts me, that everything is fine, that I am a strong woman and that nothing affects me, always with a smile towards my family. But inside I am broken, I only see a darkness that expands and, no matter how much I want to leave, I can't. Sadness embraces me and I want to end this.

Looking out my window, I see a beautiful full moon. It is a wonderful night; thoughts and voices come to mind that I listen to this time, so I get ready to go out. I take the car keys and, when leaving the house, my driver offers to take me, but I tell him that I will go alone. I'm on my way, although I don't know where to go. After more than twenty minutes of driving, I stop at the place I used to come to with Massimiliano: it's a beautiful forest. In the center there is a deep lake. I climb onto the rocks and enjoy the view from above. The cold is felt more intensely; when I look down, the darkness prevents me from seeing anything. However, when I look up at the sky, I contemplate that beautiful moon.

I close my eyes and begin to hear that voice.

"You ended the life of your baby, the only representation of that love that you could not have by your side. You are nothing more than useless; jump, end this suffering."

I take a step, ready to fall, when I hear a baby crying. My little one is calling me; I'll be by your side soon. As the crying becomes more intense, I open my eyes and realize that I am on the edge of the cliff. I take a couple of steps back. I continue to hear the crying and begin to walk towards the direction of that sound coming from the bushes. When I arrive, I find a baby wrapped in a white blanket. I can't believe what I'm seeing, so I rub my eyes, wondering if my mind is playing tricks on me. However, the baby's crying takes me out of my thoughts. I approach him, take him in my arms and check him; apparently he has no injuries, but when I touch him I feel his coldness. So, I decide to wrap him up and bring him closer to me to warm him up. I look around, but I don't see anyone, so I make the decision to get out of there. I must ensure the baby's protection. When leaving the forest, I hear a shot in the distance, so I hurry towards the car and place the baby in the seat. At that moment, the engine starts and, looking in the rearview mirror, I realize that a couple of cars are chasing us. I accelerate and, after a few minutes, I manage to shake them off.