I Like Him so Much

[Annalouie: four years old; hunted and scared]

Blag! Blag! Blag!

I look at my side from where the noise came from. It's always like this during the night especially if dad isn't at home. At first I got really scared that I ran to my closet to hide. But it keeps recurring at night when everybody is asleep.

"Mommy." I whisper in the dark, remembering her awkward position in bed the previous night.

Clutching my teddy bear, I slide out of my bed and leave my room in tiptoe. It's not my first time creeping into mommy and daddy's room in the middle of the night. I even sleep with them sometimes whenever I want to cuddle up with them or if I'm having bad dreams.

However, mommy warned me not to come over anymore ever since she starts letting a guest sleep in her bed. He's not my dad but mommy likes him like how she likes daddy. She kisses him like how she kisses daddy. They do things in bed I don't understand but it's what creates the loud noises every night.

Although tonight they're louder than usual. Mommy always cries whenever the stranger visits. Although when I asked mommy about it, she told me she wasnt crying, rather, she was happy. She told me it's our secret and made me promise not to tell anyone anything about it. She gave me a box of chocolate when I agreed to keep my silence.

Twisting the knob, I carefully open the door to the master's bedroom. They always keep it unlock even though they don't want other people catching them. The lamp at the night table lights the bedroom with a dim glow, casting everything in shadows.

The stranger is here again. Just like all the nights he visits, he lies on top of mommy, making monstrous noises from his mouth while rocking mommy like he's riding a pony. But unlike the previous nights, mommy is silent right now. I look at her through the dimly lit room and gasp.

Mommy's head turns to the side, her eyes looking straight to me. Her mouth is twitching but no sound comes out of it. I want to run to her, help her but I catch her mouth moving again and I stop from my tracks. I get it! I understand what she's telling me.

Go! Hide! Go! Hide! Hide! Hide! Hide!

I step back in alarm. Why would mommy want me to hide? Are we going to play? No. She looks angry at me. She wants me to hide and it comes out as an order not an invitation to play. The man growls and I jump on the spot, catching his attention as he snaps his eyes at me.

I gasp, cowering a few more steps back to the hallway. He leaves the bed, takes something from the night table before lifting it up to the air. He strikes it to my mommy and mommy makes a keening sound I never heard from her. I shiver, hugging teddy tight to my chest. What is he doing to mommy?

He strikes mommy with the glinting thing over and over until mommy finally stops making a sound. She lays unmoving in bed, eyes still staring at me while red stains ooze out of her body. No, it's not stain. It's... Mommy is covered with a blanket of blood!

I step away when the stranger walks towards the door. Mommy said to go and hide! Dropping teddy on the hallway, I run down the stairs and go straight to Jonathan. He's the man who always stands at the front gate. He has a gun on his belt although he told me once that it was just a toy and he will use it to save me from my bullies.

I run to where Jonathan is but the man is not on his usual spot. I get to his small house and found him sleeping there. I shake his shoulders while looking at my back from time to time, see if the stranger has caught up to me. But no matter how much I shake Jonathan, he's not waking up.

"Jonathan, wake up! Help me!" I say while shaking him once again, stopping when I touch something wet and slimy from his throat.

Raising my little palm up to the light, I shiver when I saw my own hand is covered with blood. Why is Jonathan... Footsteps has me raising my head up, catching the stranger getting out of the front door. The shadow of the night prevents me from seeing his face clearly.

I slowly step down Jonathan's little house, careful not to create any sound before running to the back of the mansion. I tremble when the door is locked. Where will I go? Mommy, daddy, help me! I look around and stare at the horrifying, large mango tree. The servants once told me not to climb it because the ghost that's living there might eat me.

Maybe he can help save me from the stranger! I'm going to ask the ghost to eat the bad stranger. I didn't think twice and run to the tree, climb its thick and calloused trunk. It has many branches and thick leaves that creates a canopy that shadows the ground during daytime. Using the same thick branches, I hide behind it and keep silent.

The stranger's hurried footfalls finally approach the mansion's back door, cursing when he finds it lock. Carrying the glinting weapon, he looks from side to side in search for me before he runs back to the front gate. I don't know where he goes or if he ever leaves at all.

I don't want to climb down from the tree only to see him waiting for me inside the house. I shiver and close my eyes tight just as tight as my arms hugging the rough tree branch. When the sun starts showing a little into the horizon, I slowly sit up and inspect the ground. The stranger might not come anymore.

I hear the back door opens and a servant comes out of it pulling a mower and other cleaning tools. Careful and silent, I get down the tree and sneak into the mansion using the back door without catching her attention. On my way towards the stairs, I found another servant lying on the floor of the living room.

Just like Jonathan, her throat is slashed and blood comes out of it. I run away and climb the stairs before stopping at the hallway. Teddy lies on the floor with droplets of blood splatter on his blue fur. Not looking at mommy's open door, I pick teddy up before getting into my own room.

I enter my bathroom to wash my hands that are dirty with red and brown stains before jumping into my bed and sleep. A few moments later, I hear a servant's pealing scream downstairs but I only shut my eyes tight and bury my face under the pillows. Mommy told me not to tell anyone anything.

Don't tell anyone anything. It's our secret. I promised mommy not to speak. But daddy keeps asking. No, it's not daddy. The old woman, Dr. Spencer, keeps asking me about what happened. She said daddy told her to ask me if I saw something. If I heard anything. But I keep my promise to mommy. I didn't speak.

I stop talking altogether but Dr. Spencer is persistent. If she didn't keep asking me about it, I would've already forgotten that night as I continue playing with my toys and watch my favorite cartoons. But every time she comes by, she asks nothing else but that night and mommy and the stranger. She's even included the servants.

Thus, I keep remembering that incident, too. The memory has even started visiting my dreams as well, waking me up in the middle of the night, spooked while staring at the wall where the banging noises usually resounds whenever the stranger visits. But it's been silent ever since that night and I remember it all over again.

I don't want to remember it anymore. So, I start drawing it. I draw all that I saw during that night. Maybe this way, they won't haunt my dreams anymore. This way, I can keep my promise to mommy not to speak about it to anyone. Why does Dr. Spencer keep asking about it anyway? Why won't she stop?

[Annalouie: seven years old; confused]

"Do you like him?"

I stare at Dr. Spencer and my mouth twitches. Of all the questions she asked me, this is the only time I want to answer her. After all, she's not asking about mommy and the stranger that night or to what happened to the servants.

"Do you like Axel?" She probes once more.

Yes. I do like him. I met Axel when I became five, at our parents wedding. He was friendly to me at the church. He talked and smiled at me, showing two holes on his cheeks I've never seen to anyone before. It's bizarre but it's nice to look at. I want to draw it. I want to draw him.

Daddy told me he's my big brother and the woman he came with is my new mommy. I like Axel but I'm not sure about the woman. I kind of dislike her because I keep catching her glaring at Axel. And Axel would then become upset with me. Axel is mean to me when his mother is mean to him.

It's always like that until he starts ignoring me altogether and I don't like it. I pretend to be alright about it although I'm not. Whenever Axel ignores me, I just smile and sigh in silence. But it only irritates Axel more. I somehow find his irritated expression funny. That means, he's not totally oblivious to my reactions. So I continue smiling at him.

Until Axel changed again. He no longer ignores me. He obstructs my playtime instead by hiding my toys and even destroys them. I like it. He's giving me attention. So I purposefully build robots out of my Lego, displays it in the open for Axel to accidentally destroy. I've never been so happy. Axel is playing with me!

"Y-yes." I finally answer Dr. Spencer.

"What was that, Annalouie?"

"I said I like Axel."

"Oh." Dr. Spencer's eyes widen before writing down on her notebook. "What do you like about him?"

"He's nice and funny."

"Is that so? Tell me more about him.”

"He plays with me." I start.

Thus, I eventually enumerate the things I like about Axel, surprised that there are actually a lot I like about him. Although sometimes, Axel is mean and a bully. He's also a liar and a coward. I like him nevertheless. I like him so much!

“What if I tell you that Axel also wants to know about what happened that night about your mommy?"

"Huh?" I straighten up on my seat.

What do I do? I kept a promise to mommy that I won't tell anyone anything. But Axel wants to know? Why? I'm so sad. Why does Axel want to know? Why does he want me to break my promise to mommy as well? Mommy or Axel? I start crying. Who should I choose?

I rush out of the room and stumble into Axel at the hallway. I cry harder, throwing myself into his body. I feel him stiffen under my hands as I clutch his shirt tight and sob into his chest. He places his tentative hands over my back and I feel comforted. His warmth touching my back quickly stops my tears.

"Annalouie?" Dad calls out, kneeling in front of us before scooping me up into his arms. "I'll take it from here." He tells Dr. Spencer before walking away.

I look over dad's shoulder and meet Axel's gaze. I want to return to him, let him hug me more. But we eventually enter my room, breaking my eye contact with Axel. The door shuts and dad places me on my bed. I feel tired. I close my eyes when dad starts reading a book which I don't even like and I fall to sleep.

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