We Are Nothing

"I told you, it's not my fault!" I lean in near my mother's face for emphasis, the vein in my neck throbbing with tension. "That freak started it! He... He..."

Sh*t! I can't tell her! I know this grandiose house has thick walls that can muffle sounds but I still don't trust it. What would that fucker think if he hears me telling my mom about what he did? Wouldn't he mock me, laugh at how I'd sound like a hopeless girl running to his mommy for help? My pride can't take it!

"He what?" My mom prompts, crossing her arms and looks at me with a contemptuous face. "I told you before, Axel, in case you've forgotten it now. You can't hurt Annalouie! Don't upset Louise and get along with your brother!"

"He's not my brother!" I hiss before turning away. "Fu..."

"I know you don't share blood or even your last names. But you're still brothers in the eyes of people."

I close my eyes and clasp my hands on my nape, trampling the urge to curse from deep in my lungs. Being reminded that we don't share last names just makes me more upset. I have always wanted to be a Webber ever since but my mother objected about it, said my father's family wouldn't like me changing names.

Who the f*ck cares with those Bailey f*ckers? They didn't even give a da*mn when my mother and I were beaten up regularly by that bastard as if it's his hobby. Nor they even cared when the fucker died and we're left with a mountain of debt from his gambling sh*t until we're stripped off of our home and left to our own devices.

It'd been ten years, yet, I'm still Axel Bailey. Albeit not a guest but not quite a Webber's son either despite my efforts being a good person. But f*ck it! No one could possibly expect I'd keep the title of a good boy after being r*ped by that f*cking brute! I'm fuming! I'm f*cking angry more to myself for feeling it!

Sh*t! I close my eyes in shame. I did feel it! I came twice for crying out loud! I don't even know why I'm feeling neutral. Sure, I'm chewing nails but shouldn't I suppose to be vomiting, crying and rocking myself at the corner in trauma? I just got r*ped, didn't I? Or am I still in shock right now? No, I don't think so

I pause, sit on my bed and assess myself. My thoughts are whirling with different bloody scenarios on how to avenge myself and adrenaline has my heart beating wildly from the images. Other than that, I don't feel anything anymore. Sh*t! I should be repulsed by what happened! What the hell's wrong with me?

“I'll forgive you for not picking me up from the airport, but I'm definitely not good with beating your brother up. I will talk to your dad, hoping Louise will understand the situation. No matter how much good you act, Axel, I know you have this hidden, unreasonable grudge towards Annalouie. I'm your mother after all and I noticed your glares towards him when you think no one's looking. Nevertheless, I expect you to continue this charade for your own sake and mine.”

I open my mouth but I have nothing to say to her. Seeing that I have no response to that, she eventually leaves my room. I lean my elbows over my knees and bury my face to my hands. D*mn it! So much for the good act. I know mom will find out sooner or later. Heck, bet she knew it all along.

"Sh*t!" I flinch, jump out of my bed before rushing to my bathroom.

The freak's goddamn jizz is trickling out of my hole, making my underwear feel slimy as f*ck. Bastard didn't even think of using rubber. He might still be seventeen but who knows what sh*t could he be doing when he's out of the house, especially when he regularly comes home late in the night. F*ck! I might get a disease!

I take my time washing myself up, making sure I've taken all of that freak's slime out of my body. Before putting on new set of clothes, I call for an Uber then leave the house. Freak's cozying at the front lawn under a tree, sketching again, what else. He looks up when I pass by his side but I ignore him.

I've been intimidated by his stare before but after what he did to me in the dining room earlier, the feelings only doubled. His gaze is so intense I could almost feel it like a caress to my body. F*cking freak! Could he be f*cking me in his head this whole time? Sh*t! That might not be possible. He's just a kid!

A honk resounds outside the gate and I sigh a great relief seeing it's my ride. I quickly step out and hop into the cab without a backward glance, giving the driver my destination and we immediately glide away. I check my phone for a message and my mood lifts up a notch seeing Lucy replied to my distress call.

I might not be freaking out of what the creep did to me but I have to rewrite the memory with a new one. With a woman! And Lucy is just perfect for the job. She's a pro in bed and knows how to stay in our f*ckbuddy boundaries. I see her a few times provided our hectic schedules permit.

Twenty minutes later, I arrived at Lucy's small apartment and knock on her door. Since she's already expecting me, I didn't wait long before the door opens. She greets me with her bright almond eyes and a knowing smirk with only a terry wrapped around her body. Her long, auburn hair is bundled by a towel up her head.

"You're fast." She says breathlessly, either because she ran from her bathroom or of sexual excitement, I'm not sure.

I'd like to think the latter though coz I'm already on edge as well. Answering the door on this get up makes me all the more fired up. When Lucy opens the door wider, I step inside, close it behind me before hugging her from behind, smelling her sweet, fresh scent from her neck.

"Hey." She unwraps my arms from her body before going to her small kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?"

"You know I didn't come here to drink." I say before unbuckling my belt.

"Uh, wait a minute!" Lucy waves her hand and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. "I'm really sorry if this comes so suddenly but I'm not having sex with you. Not anymore."

"What?"

"I met someone."

"So?" I arch a brow at her as if that's reason enough to stop our convenient arrangement.

"What do you mean so? I already have a boyfriend so I'm telling you let's stop seeing each other. I don't want to have sex with you anymore."

"Don't you think this is too cruel on my part for only telling me now?" I ask, feeling a little put out.

"That's why I said I'm sorry. Besides, I can't tell you this on the phone because I thought you deserve a decent break up." She stops and smirks as if there's something funny. "Although we were never really a thing to begin with."

"Damn right we're not!" I growl, fixing my belt buckle. "But seriously, Lu, I thought you don't do relationships?"

"I don't until I met him. He's really good." She hops on her heels as she says the word good, giving me a slight idea of what she meant where the f*cker is good. "You know how much I love it rough and he knows it. He does rough and more, despite his young age."

"He's younger than you?" I exclaim, dismissing her mention of her masochistic trait. "How old?"

“Seventeen."

“Whoa! That's just a kid, Lu! You're a cougar."

"I'm just twenty-four! I'm not a cougar! And we perfectly fit! I think he's the one.”

"Pfft!" I roll my eyes at her and slump myself on her rickety couch. "Since when did you become romantic? And where did you even meet him, since when?"

"Just recently. Last month when he bought something at my store."

"I'm tempted to ask what the f*cker bought, thinking condom's the usual thing to buy at a convenience store. At least, it is for me. But I won't ask. I don't want to appear interested.

"So you like him?" I ask instead.

"So much."

"What's his name?"

"He's also called Lou. Like my name." Lucy giggles as if tickled. "Isn't that sounds like fate?"

I want to roll my eyes again. There's no f*cking fate. I think that's even suspicious. Bet the dude's lying about the name. I really want to discourage Lucy but I'd sound clingy if I do so. No, wait. I don't think so. I'd appear a good friend if I investigate more, wouldn't I?

"I wanna meet him."

"What's this?" Lucy frowns a little. "If I didn't know any better, I would've thought you're jealous. But I know you're allergic to commitment so you acting like my overprotective daddy now?”

I look away. She's right. I don't do commitment. I'm still young and I have big dreams to achieve. I only need women for sex. Although I do have a long list of choices, only few to none of them are ok with no strings attached arrangement. I would hate to hook up with someone that's gonna be clingy in the future.

But Lucy is different. Well, if I'm to be honest, I kind of felt jealous and realized I got attached a little. Maybe because Lucy was the one who took my virginity. There were other girls after her but none of them were as good as Lucy. None of them made me feel good. Except... An image of this morning's incident flickers in my head and I cringe. F*ck! The hell!

"You know what, why don't we have a farewell sex?" I suggest, standing up and saunter towards her, feeling suddenly frantic to forget the memory of that freak.

"No, Axel." Lucy shakes her head resolutely. "My boyfriend's a jealous type. In fact, he's coming today and I don't want him to see you here. I like him too much to take the risk."

"Come on! I think you owe me this much." I growl as a storm of different emotions swirl in my chest. "I deserve this much."

"I owe you nothing, Axel!" Lucy snaps, her eyes blazing with suppressed anger. "We are nothing."

"Fine." I grit out, too f*cking ashamed of my own behavior.

Resigned and upset, I storm out of her place. So much for wiping off a bad memory. I pull my phone out and check my contact list. D*mn it! I'm popular but I'm known as a goody-doer so almost none of my close friends (which consist my contact list) knows that I'm actually a bit of a bastard. Goddamn, I just wanna f*ck!

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