Hii

Lately, I’ve been feeling a sense of heaviness, both physically and mentally. It’s not something that can be easily explained, nor is it something that I can just shake off. I don’t feel well, but I don’t know why. My body aches, and my mind feels cloudy, as if I’m walking through a fog that I can’t quite clear. The sad feeling is there, lingering, but it’s not tied to any specific event or person. It’s just… there. And it feels like I should know why it’s there, or what to do with it, but I don’t.

I wish I could cry, but for some reason, the tears won’t come. I can feel the need to release something inside of me, like a pressure building up in my chest, but the tears are elusive, like they’ve retreated somewhere deep within me, hiding behind a wall I can’t break down. It’s as if my emotions have no outlet, and instead of feeling relief, I just feel stuck in this constant state of wanting to cry, but being unable to. It’s frustrating, almost as if my body and mind are telling me something, but I don’t have the right words or actions to respond.

I’ve heard people say that sometimes you don’t need to have a reason to cry—that it’s just a natural human response when the weight of things, whether big or small, gets too much. But right now, the tears feel so far out of reach, and I can’t help but wonder if something is wrong with me for not being able to cry when I need to. It’s like I’m trapped in this internal struggle, wanting to express everything that’s weighing on me, but not knowing how.

What I really want right now is for someone to understand. I want someone to wrap their arms around me, to give me a warm hug that says, “It’s okay.” I want them to hold me and say, “You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have everything together. It’s okay to not be okay.” Because, honestly, I don’t feel okay. And it feels like such a relief to imagine someone acknowledging that it’s okay to feel this way, even when I can’t explain it.

There’s this pressure that comes from society, from the people around me, to always be strong, to always have everything figured out. But right now, I don’t have it all together. I don’t know why I feel the way I do, and I don’t have a solution to fix it. The world makes it seem like I should always be on top of everything, always handling things with grace and poise. But sometimes, I feel like I’m just barely holding it together.

I think part of me feels like I need to be perfect—like there’s an expectation that I should be able to juggle everything in my life without ever breaking down. But I’m realizing that this kind of thinking isn’t healthy. I’m starting to accept that I don’t have to be perfect, that it’s okay to have moments where I’m not at my best, moments when I feel down, tired, and overwhelmed. It’s okay to not always have it together. I don’t have to be a superhero. I don’t have to be the strongest person in the room. I can just be me, feeling however I feel, without judgment.

And I think that’s the hardest part—letting myself be imperfect, giving myself permission to feel sad and not have it all figured out. There’s a part of me that feels like I should be able to control my emotions, to pull myself out of this funk, to find a way to make everything better. But sometimes, all I need is to acknowledge what I’m feeling, even if I don’t have a clear reason for it.

Maybe the most important thing right now is not forcing myself to cry or to figure everything out. Maybe it’s just about sitting with these feelings, accepting that it’s okay to not be okay, and giving myself grace. Maybe I need to give myself permission to feel imperfect, to not be the person everyone expects me to be, and just be human for a while. Because, in the end, it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to not be perfect. And sometimes, that’s all I need to hear—to know that it’s okay to just be as I am.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***