Chapter05: almost breaking down

And here comes my last year, or should i be saying MY NIGHTMARE, all of them didn't go nicely but it was bearable since there was some sweet moments here and there, but this one was a combination of the worst things that can ever happen to someone, actually i wonder how i survived it without a mental break- down.

First things first i had no friends like literally none, i always was the nicest person towards people even if i didn't like them and i was actually that joker friend somehow too, so i thought that it wouldn't be a problem in socialising, but unfortunately the thing that didn't cross my mind is what if they were faking emotions towards me, what if they just wouldn't like me no matter what i do, what if they just hated me for no reason.

And that was it, even the only best friend i had left me after her neighbors from her old school transfered to ours, i bet that she didn't care even if i died, not that she hated me but she didn't have any use for me anymore, she already replaced me and that was what affected me, the word "replaced" made me feel like shit, she used me just to fill a gap, she started fights with me over nothing and she would misunderstand me even for doing nothing too, so i just kind of cut her off along with our friendship. Still i survived it with the least damage.

Unfortunately though i didn't see the next hit coming, a new transfer student came but she was a special one, she buttered up the teacher as it always have been,but i won't deny she was smart too.

Considering that i'm not the hard-working student, i never really studied hard at home, to be honest i hardly ever studied i was just lucky enough, and smart enough i guess too, so i did as i always did and i was first,but in the next semester i was 2nd, that girl with her smart *** and butter up attitude snatched it away, i acted as nonchalent as possible and ignored it, but internally i decided that i will start studying home like everybody does, and that it wouldn't be a loss anyway since i have a final exam that i should study for later, so why not start from now.And i did although our teacher was already going hard with us to study everything possible and considering that she already reached us this year's lessons last year i didn't have much to do, like really i wasn't faking it or lazing around.

You'll be curious about how was the other's reaction?? I'll put it simply it was HELL, my parents started pressuring me and scolding me every time possible that how could you be that careless, why didn't you rank first, and they would force me to study every time they saw me like litterally, even when i was having lunch or dinner it would be the only thing i could hear.

But the thing they forgot is my feelings that they completely ignored, i was breaking down each and every day, i started loosing myself, and started to get depressed, holding on to the last bits of hope i could ever have everytime yet they never saw it or even cared to see it.

My teacher started humiliating me, she started acting nice to me once she knew about my father, but considering that i never cared about her, she treated me as usual, and losing my 1st ranking gave her everything she needed to look down on me, because whether she liked it or not she couldn't do it before, but now she's more than willing to do so, she used every hurtful sentence she could, you stupid things lost your ranking of years for a girl that had barely joined us, she stepped on you like a bug, just how dumb can you get more than you are now, you didn't deserve it anyway if you did it wouldn't be taken away easily, and so goes on she used much more than I can even remember.

And i hated that new student too not because she ranked 1st or because she butterd up to the teacher, but because she enjoyed seeing me humiliated, she didn't enjoy her ranking but she enjoyed snatching it from me, that absolutely made it crystal clear what kind of person she really is. Although there wasn't a big different between our results, as i said before she is indeed smart but her actions towards the teacher gave her that little push she needed to achieve it.

Yet again i tried to survive it, until i got my third hit, which if it was in another time i wouldn't bother or get affected, but it caught me off guard, when i was putting my broken pieces together.