Chapter 01

I'm trying to keep my eyes open while hearing the noises of doctors and the beeps of machines. It's feeling like something is going away from me. I'm trying my best to keep my conscious. But second by second my strength is draining and pain is increasing into my head and whole body. But right now , I don't give damn to my own self. Anything could happen to me. I don't care. But nothing should happen to my child ... he should survive and live his life unlike his mother "who never got anything in her life. First I couldn't get the love from my  parents "which i deserved.."  then i got the husband "who don't give shit to my existence. My whole life went trying to get the piece of love "which I at least deserved once in my life . But no one dared to give to me and now god is snatching my last happiness as well. Which is my child. When I'd got to know about him. A ray of hope I'd felt in my life. I thought at least now I'll able to get someone whom I could call mine. But seems like god couldn't see me stay happy and now I'm laying on death bed holding my womb pleading to god that he should keep my baby safe. But I guess he can't see me happy and soon I heard doctor's faint voice " who announced baby is no more.

We lost the baby. He whispered looking at other doctors being dejected. Tears made their ways from my twitching eyes..' and I felt like to scream and cry bitterly. All the emotions are gushing towards my brain and heart. but being numb on the bed made me so helpless that I can't even cry. After battling with my emotions'  I couldn't hold my sanity and fell unconscious.

......

After I don't know how many hours "I open my eyes half and look around. But because of weakness I can't even see properly. Everything is looking so blurry and twitchy.

Anika darling you woke up. Someone says gaining my  attention. I slowly tilt my head and found my mother in law is sitting on the stool having teary eyes.

Maa" I whispered gazing at her tiredly.

Yes i am here. She sobs and hold my injured hand in her palm ... I can see how sad she is seeing me in this condition. She is the only genuine person I've got in my life who loves me truly. Or maybe she finds me good for her son ..that's why She likes me. She knows and god knows about it. But till now she is nice to me. Which makes her good person in my life.

Where am I ??? I whispers again trying to hold her hand . which she is having in her palm. But weakness is not allowing me to do.

You are in the hospital Since three days. Doctors had gave you sedative to keep you asleep. So that your injuries get heal little and give you less pain. You are fine right??. You have gotten so weak. She sniffles while caressing my hair lovingly. But right now I don't care about myself. I just hoping whatever I've heard in subconscious state. It should be lie. My baby should be fine and breathing in my womb. So without thinking anything "I ask her about it.

How's my baby??? Did they save him. He is with me right ??? Hearing me "she burst into tears and shakes her head in no shuttering my all hope.

So sorry sweet heart. He couldn't make up. Your accident was so horrible that it took his life. He didn't survive. Hearing her " i couldn't fathom with my emotions and I started crying letting my emotions over power me. I kept hand on my stomach and wailed without giving Damn to my injuries.

anika darling stop crying. My mother in law sat on the bed besides me and take me in hug without hurting me. She kept caressing my hair and soothe me till I didn't get quite. But she doesn't know that ' for time being I've stopped my tears. but the scars of losing child has been marked on my Brain and heart that it would never able to fade away in life time.

After sometime

When she felt I'm fine she broke apart and wipe my tears giving me sympathised look ...

Everything will be fine. She says passing me sad smile whicn I didn't reciprocate and let my eyes drip tears.

Where's shivaay ??? As I asked her about her son " her smile faded and she turn her face away. Seeing her face "I got to know "he didn't bother to come into the hospital to meet me. And to be honest" it didn't surprise me either. The way he treats me. I guess he won't care if I would die or stay alive.

He came before two days. When you had accident. He was here only. And was so much into sorrows. He was So grieved seeing your condition and about losing the baby. He stayed her day to night. But when his condition deteriorated' he left with malika. Hearing malika's name I sneers and turn my face away. Of course he would be with malika .... after all she is the only one who is more important to him than anyone else. Him being with her is more necessary than being with his wife "'who was fighting for her life and most important lost their child. But why would he care ... when he don't like her at all. If she would had died then surely it won't had bothered him. Infect he would has been happiest person in the world.  sand  would had celebrated it. But god is not that easy on her. He kept her alive to bear more pain in her life which are written in her destiny .

You take rest. I'm going to meet the doctor. My mother in law said fixing the sheet on top of me and left from there leaving me alone in the hospital room being surrounded by machines and the other equipments.

After few days

Finally doctor allowed me to go home after so much pleading and right now I'm standing infront of the Mirror looking my broken self. In those days all family came to meet me and expressed their sadness toward my baby's passing. But among all of them one person didn't show up ' whom I needed the most and that's my dearest husband. Leave coming to meet me ' He neither called me or asked for me to his parents. It's feels like "I don't have anyone named husband in my life whose child I was bearing and lost it during the accident. Well expecting to care about me will be last thing I can wish from him. He would never do that even in his dreams. So better if I don't hope for it and let it go.

Anika you are ready. Come let's go. Khana have been arrived with the car. My mother in law announced getting int the washroom.

Yh ""I simply nods my head and with help of her I left the hospital....

.....

Mam you ok. Khana says having smile on his face.

Yh I'm fine. I simply answered him and sat in the car. Even the security of my husband asked me about my well being. And him " whose wife I'm. He didn't bother to show up in hospital or not even called me asking for my well being. Thinking about this my filled with tears and I bend my head down Before anyone notices me crying

After half an hour journey ' I reached home and as usual my mother in law helped me to walk inside holding my hand. I come inside along with her and found family is doing lunch sitting on the dinning area. As they saw me they pass me sad smile and then again got busy in eating their lunch.

Come let's go. I'll take you in room and then I'll

Bring you lunch. My mother in law wrapped arms around my torso and helped me till my room.

You are fine right ??. She asked me entering in the room. But before we entered "we stopped seeing my husband sitting on the bed hugging malika's waist crying whilst she is consoling him keeping hand on his head caressing his hair. Seeing them together something broke inside me and I felt fool standing there while seeing my my husband crying hugging another woman ....

Anika darling you came back. Malika speak In her sugar coated voice making my husband realised my presence. He broke apart snd look towards me with his red misty eyes. Malika walks towards me and took me in hug caressing my back. 

Oh sweetheart. I felt so sad after hearing the accident. You and shivaay didn't deserve it at all. She express her grief toward me .. which I very well know" it's all fake and baseless.

What are you doing here malika?? That also with my son. My mother in law said rudely making her broke apart from the hug.

Shivaay wasn't feeling good. So I thought to stay with him for a while. After all he lost the child as well like anika. Isn't. She speaks in her soft voice having smile trying to be extra nice "which I very well know she is not.

This is not nice malika. He is married for god sake. Leave him alone. At this time he should be with his wife not with you. Pinky my mother in law said while glaring her.

Aunty but I'm his friend and .... malika try to justify but pinky my mother in law stopped her showing her hand.

Yes you are his friend... so be that only. Don't need to be his wife. She retorted in her firm tone.

Mom why are you being rude with her. This is not the way to talk to someone. My husband came to defend his friend " which didn't surprise me at all. As he always find her right more than anyone else.

Shivaay you don't tell me that how I've to talk to her. I know what's her motive. She says giving malika death glare " which made her eyes teary and she left from there crying. My Husband try to follow her " but my mother in law didn't let him and stopped him holding his hand.

Let her go. She will be fine. Right now you should be with your wife not with that girl. As she said him he look at me and didn't speak anything. I can see " he is sad as well about losing the baby. The way his eyes are red and having dark circles . Seems like he's been crying from long hours and  haven't slept as well.

Here help her to take to the bed.before I say something she pass me to him" which resulted me to fell in his arms.

I'm going to get soup for her. Till then tuck her into the bed. Saying this she left from there leaving me with my husband " who raise his hand to touch me for supporting. But before he do" I broke apart and stumble back.

Anika he whispered my name stepping towards me to help me to stand straight. But I just showed him hand and itself started walking towards it with wobbling feet. I can feel his burning gaze at me. till I didn't reach near my bed. But I didn't look back at all snd then sat on the bed keeping hand on my back which is aching so badly along with my head.

Let me help you to get in. He comes towards me and move his hand to lay down " but I shook my head and denied to take his favour.

I can do it myself. You don't worry. I say rudely and Straighten my legs on the bed. I can see he didn't like my tone. But I don't give Damn about it as well. If he doesn't care about me or my child. Then I don't give shit about it also .

I'm doing it because mom said to me. Otherwise I don't wish to do either. He says gritting his teeth stepping back.

She is not here. So don't help girl like me who entered in your life forcefully. And been causing you pain. Tears fell from my eyes looking into his blue eyes which are so cold to disguise. Before few minutes same man was crying hugging his best friend. But now it's feel like "he doesn't have emotions at all. But well expecting anything from him is baseless things. Being his wife i don't know that much things about him the way his friend knows " who wonder around him all the time and behave like his wife more than his actual wife. It's been three year of our marriage. And I don't think so a single day I've spent in peace. All the time we have been fighting and reason was malika malhotra ! His x girlfriend and current best friend .. who shows herself his best friends and always behave like she owns him. But it's not her fault either. It's him who gives her more priority and always compared her with me and cursed me that I can never be her. She is the only best woman he has in his life " whom I can never compete in anything .."whether if it's in looks ,intelligence or something else. Before I'd little expectations from him. But when he didn't care to stay at hospital. My all hope had been tarnished and now I can see down fall of our relationship "which gotten weaker than before. I sniffles and  bend my eyes down not able to look of him anymore. It's makes me weak , it's makes me feel that I'm most unimportant person on earth who have been Smeared into people's life without their will.." whether if it in my parents or husbands who hates me to the core.

Yh right. You are curse to me only. Because of you , I'm not in peace. Already I was not happy with you and you have put me in one more sorrow of losing the child. I'd thought that might it will help us to run our life ahead. But I was wrong. I was totally wrong. Your stubbornness made us lose our child. If that day you won't had gone in anger" then I don't think so you would had caught in acciden neither we would had lost our baby. But no.. you always don't listen to me and do whatever your mind says . I curse that day when i listened to my mum and got married to you. If I would had got stubborn infront of my mother. Then I didn't have to face all this. Anyways it's done whatever had to. I can't say anything about it now. Do hell with you. Saying this he just glare me and left from there leaving me in pool of tears. Right now I'd really needed him to being with me. But I guess excepting anything from him is useless things. It was better "if i would had died in that accident. Atleast I didn't have to hear all of this and bear the pain of losing the baby " who was only hope had left for me to survive. I sobs and closed my eyes letting my tears fell from the cheek.

Anika darling are you alright ...?? my mother in law got panic finding me crying.

Yh I'm fine. I'm fine. I wipe my tears and passed her weak smile controlling my inner battle which is killing me inside. I want to scream and yell ... but nothing is coming out except these tears which always betray me.

Where's shivaay ?? Isn't he with you ??? She says looking around hoping to find her son.

He left. I simply answered clearing tears from my cheek.

Where ??? I'd told him to stay with you. She says being disappointed on her son who never listen to her and does that which his heart says.

I don't know .. has he ever told me that he will tell me today. I don't know where he is gone. Hearing me she closed her eyes and shakes her head in disbelief .

Ok fine "here have this soup. it will give you some strength. She says forwarding soup towards me.

I will drink it later. Right now I wanna freshen up. I says getting out of the blanket trying to stand with much difficulties.

Let me help you. She came forward to help me. But nods no and and speak.

It's fine I'll go on my own. Thank you for asking. saying this I kept hand on the head board and left towards washroom .....

I came in the bathroom snd remove my clothes leaving myself naked infront of the mirror. Seeing my belly fading slowly to Normal phase made me broke into sobs and I lean on the sink letting my emotions over powered me. Why god have done this to me. Why did he take my baby away. Didn't he feel a little mercy on me while doing. At least he could had let him survive. And if he wanted to take him back then why did he let me survive in this cruel world. He would had killed me as well in that accident instead leaving me stay more I. this ruthless life. I sobs and sat on the floor biting ny own hand trying to not increase my wails. But being helpless " I couldn't control my emotions and cry till my eyes didn't get empty.

At night :::

I'm laying on the bed. But sleep is far away from my eyes. I'm trying my best to get a little nap "but nothing is working.... And my mind and heart is all gloomy with sadness. Suddenly I flinch when I felt someone entered in the room and I guess it's shivaay. I raise my eyeballs for seeing the clock and found it's 2 am of night and this guy has decided to come back at this time. With his wobbling foot steps and murmurings " I can feel that he is drunk. But I didn't dare to get off from the bed or move. As I know " if I did then things will happen those' which I can't have it right now.

Why this happened ??, why this happened ??? He whispered continuously and sat on the bed with thud dipping his side of his bed. I muffled and kept my hand on my mouth controlling my sobs.

Here you are sleeping peacefully and there I'm not able to get a single peace. Why did you do this to us Anns. Why did you do it. He stutters and scoot towards me. I can feel his breath on my hair and it made me so stiff on my place. Suddenly I gasp when I felt his arm around my waist and soon I've been pulled towards him and my back hit his chest. He Nuzzle into my hair and closed his eyes holding me tight in his hold.

Why did you marry me anika. Why didn't you say no when I'd warned you. Now see "because of it "how many problems we are facing. It's all your fault. Malika is right ""you are soul reason of every problem. Because of you I'm unhappy today. I wish ..... I wish you would never came into my life. I wish .... I wish ... you would had died .......

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