The Blank Canvas

          I stood before the easel, my eyes fixed on the pristine white canvas. It was like a mirror reflecting my own emptiness. I had always found solace in art, but now? I signed, my brushes fell like strangers in my hands. The colours seem dull and the strokes uncertain. My mind a jungle of doubts and fears.

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        As I gazed at the blank canvas, I felt the weight of my creative blockage. It was as if the colours has drained from my life, leaving behind a dull grayness. I longed to rediscover the passion that once drove me to create, to lose myself in the strokes and swirls of paint. But for now the canvas remained blank, a constant reminder of my artistic paralysis. Am I waiting for courage to take the first step? Inspiration to strike? The answers seem as exclusive as the colours throat had once flowed so freely from my soul.

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 My eyes narrowed, I reached for a brush and my hands trembling slightly as I dipped it in paint. Just in time before an artistic disaster my phone rang, It was my mum. I tiredly picked the call "Hey Mum", "My princess, how are you faring?" "Mum, I'm alive I guess, this is a difficult period you know." "Everything is going to be fine darling, just take your time to heal." I closed my eyes tightly and gathered courage to ask a rhetorical question "Was I not enough for him?" "Come on darling, you were more than enough for him. His decision to leave or end the relationship was not a reflection of your worth or the love you shared. People grow apart, and sometimes their paths diverge. It doesn't mean you weren't enough; it means you both needed different things. Your love and presence in his life were valuable and appreciated, even if the relationship didn't work out as you hoped. Remember your strength, resilience, and the beauty you brought to the relationship. You deserve love and happiness, and there's someone out there who will cherish and appreciate you fully." "Thank you mum, you've always been supportive, and I really love you" "You are welcome my love, take care of yourself" "Bye mum" "Bye princess" she replied and hung up. I left my studio and went to my room and laid on my bed his words replayed in my mind "This has to end, I am not interested again, we can't work again," "Is there someone else?" I asked the bothering question that's been on my mind for over three months. Not only that, but I noticed the changes in Adam but I gave excuses for him. "She's not the reason..." He couldn't complete the sentence because I broke down. Tears streaming down my face like a torrent, my body shaking with convulsive sobs that seemed to come from the very depth of my soul.

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...*Two months later*...

..."You don't have to go" Mum said holding my hands. "I want to move far away from the hurt mum, I want to heal." "Sounds like you are running away not trying to heal" Mum replied sounding really worried now. "Mum, don't make this difficult for me" I said tears welled up in my eyes already. "Okay, okay, make sure you take care of yourself, my regards to your aunt and cousins" She replied hugging me. "Sure, and make sure you take care of yourself too. Don't stress yourself, is that taken?" "Crystal clear my princess." We embraced again before I boarded the plane....

I'm torn between the nostalgia of memories made and the anticipation of those yet to come. The thought of starting anew, without my mum is daunting. This is the first time I'll be away from Australia. I know this step is a crucial one for my growth and the experiences awaiting me will shape me into a stronger and more resilient person.

NEW YORK CITY here I come

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