Wishing you:

Heart, Soul and Will ravish through my useless body.

Every night I'd hear them screaming at eachother. It was a normal thing now as I've gotten used to it. Well... That's what I always tell myself.

Hugging my plushie tight I'd try to create scenarios to ignore their loud voices but, that'd be until their screaming suddenly stops like my heartbeat as I know they're coming to me now....

The banging on the door won't stop even if I cry out loud and beg from inside. "Please... Please go away..!"

But instead it'd continue until mum would drag him out from there. My father...

No. He is not a bad guy. I'd say... Papa is the best father I've ever known. He loves me so much. Has always been so careful about me. He'd buy me anything I ask for. What else do I need?

A loving father... Who have been  shattered from deep inside, Just because of that man... The man I hate from the bottom of my heart.

It was my 7th birthday last year. Everything was fine. Papa bought my favourite flavour cake and a cute bunny plushie. Mum helped me to wear my favourite dress before she helped me to hold the knife as I was about to cut the cake-... That man appeared.

He was taller than my papa, wearing a weird smile he kneels infront me as he wished me, I couldn't help but felt disgusted by the smell of his breath... It was an uncomfortable smell.

Seeing my reaction mum said him thanks instead and that's when I noticed papa beside... Looking so gloomy so suddenly.

Since that day it got worse... But, I still couldn't understand them at all.

.......

.......

.......

With those thoughts I don't know when I fell asleep inside the cupboard. My eye's opened with the sound of door opening as mum came inside and opened the cupboard.

"It's okay.. come out now."

With a nervous nod I cling onto her arms, hugging the plushie between as I muttered. "Mumma... Did he left...?"

She hummed quietly while patting my head. "Let's get you ready for school, alright?"

"Okay..." I replied, keeping my head still on her chest. Before she puts me down and helped me to freshen up.

As she made me wear the uniform and kissed the top of my head, I felt sudden comfort driving into me... I felt relieved.

Finishing my breakfast, mum took my hand and lead towards the doorway that's when... That man appeared again..

"Oh.. Victor, What are you doing here so early?" Asked by mum while I stayed behind her.

That guy gave an unpleasant chuckle and looked down at me "Well, just wanted to check on you two..."

I hated... I hated the way he smiles at me... so weird.. so scary... 

Tucking on my mother sleeve as I muttered nervously "Mumma.. we're getting late...!"

"Oh! Right right.. We should hurry now.." She laughed and looked at the guy for once "I'll call you later."

He nodded with a shrug and left from there before we headed out as well.

.......

.......

.......

Burrowing my book together as the bell rang for lunchtime. I followed others to the playground, sitting on the bench and eating quietly as I watch them playing hide and seek.

I was suddenly having problem to swallow the food as... My hands trembles with the thought of papa....

"Will he come again tonight...?" Sigh...

.......

.......

.......

As the school ends, I grabbed my bag and stood infront the gate... Waiting for mum. But looking at others as almost everyone left, I realised she isn't coming today...

I gripped on my bag pack tightly as the thought of walking alone is something I've never experienced before... I'm.. scared...

That's when I suddenly felt someone bumping onto me before they hide behind while trembling. "H..help..help me please..."

I looked behind the person who was holding onto my arm so tight, trembling. He looked same as my age... Brown hair...wearing torn clothes, having many wounds around his hands and face.

"Eh.. what do you mean..?" I asked, trying to pull away from his grip but he doesn't seems to let go.

"Please.. please, they're coming. They'll hurt me.. they'll beat me again.. please hide me somewhere." He replied, trembling in fear. At that moment I, myself was feeling so scared but looking at his face... I couldn't let him go like this.

Then suddenly we saw some people rushing towards us, looking so mad. Shivering in horror, I grabbed his hand and dragged him out from there... Running.. till we both can't hear anything except our heartbeat.

Hiding under the slides, we both stayed quiet while staring at eachother. I looked outside to check if they're coming or not, I turned my gaze back at him who was hugging his legs tight.

"Uhm... Why are they after you...?" I asked, keeping my voice low to not scare him.

"Because..I tried to steal their food and money." He replied looking down nervously.

"Why? Stealing is a bad thing.. you know-" I got cut off as he looked up at me in confusion, tilting his head to side.

"Huh? But, then what do you do for living?" He asked as if he really doesn't know...

"I-... My papa and mumma works.." I replied without taking a notice of his eyes fills in sadness...

"I don't have any..." He said, fidgeting his hands. I felt terrible as I realised but what should I do at this moment...? I don't know... I've never faced this before...

Avoiding his gaze as I tried to change the subject. "What's your name..?"

He looked up at me and muttered. "Little prick."

"Huh!?" My eye's widen in confusion thinking If he's really saying what he meant while he nodded calmly.

"Yes. That's what they call me all time."

"Uh- no.. I mean.. your real name...?"

He stare at my face quietly before shaking his head as no.

"I don't know."

"......."

"I..I see.."

I looked away before stepping out as the sun sets and those people also doesn't seems to come here anymore. Grabbing my bag before I looked back at him. "It's okay you can come out now."

He nodded slowly and stepped out from there.

"Uhm then.. goodbye." Said by me as I watch him leaving already. With a nervous sigh I ran towards my house but my steps stopped immediately as I saw papa leaving with luggages while mumma was trying to stop him.

Hiding behind the tree as I watch the scene and heard their voice, I realised he's leaving forever. No no no.. it can't be...!

I rushed towards him, holding his leg tightly as I beg in tears "Papa don't go..! Don't go papa please...!"

But I felt a sudden pain as he pushed me to the ground and looked down at me in such disgust. "Don't touch me, you little sh#t...!"

"P..papa..." I watch him leaving in horror, tears streaming down my eyes. I couldn't understand how this happened... Why..

I looked infront at mumma who was crying, while I was still on the ground as my palm got hurt by the previous incident. I was speechless, crying but, then... I noticed the same tall man..victor, was leaning infront of our doorway, watching everything in amusement.

.......

.......

.......

Day's passed since I last saw papa. Instead I'm seeing that guy infront... everyday... night... As if he's totally living with us. I didn't like it.. I didn't.

From the day onwards, mumma totally stopped picking me up from school instead she'd send that guy. I didn't like it.. I didn't.

As usual he dropped me at school. We both didn't say a word to eachother even if he tries to talk to me.. I'd just stay quiet.

It's Saturday so the school ends early and I didn't tell him that... Cause I don't want to see him again and again.

Walking down the street while kicking on a small rock, I paused as it suddenly went to a alley. I felt sad as I didn't want to give up yet and so clenching my fist together I stepped inside and found the same shabby kid, sitting alone.

He flinched and covered his head as he didn't saw me clearly. "Please don't hit me. I'm sorry I won't do it again!"

His voice trembles as he begs, while I stayed speechless before trying to calm him down. "Hey.. I'm not here to hurt you.. don't you remember me?"

He looked up at me in fear and confusion before he got up and steps towards me as he finally seems to calm down. "It's.. it's you..."

I nodded in approval and watch him smiling through a relief. "I'm glad...." He muttered and sat down on floor while I stand still.

"Oh wait..." He grabbed a thrown newspaper and placed it beside him before tapping on it. I slowly steps towards him and sits beside in silence.

"......."

"Uhm... Have you eaten anything?"  I asked glancing at him who just stayed quiet. Pausing a little, I grabbed my bag and opened it as I took out a biscuit which mum gave me for lunch.

He looked at me in hesitation not wanting to accept it but after many tries he finally accepted it while I felt very happy inside.

We both stayed quiet before he finished eating and cleared his throat to speak. "How's your parents?"

"......."

Seeing me speechless he also stopped talking and looked away. "Well, As you know... I don't have any name.. why don't you give me one? I'd be happy if 'you' call me by something else..."

I paused and looked up at him in curiousity. "Eh- really...? Can I?"

He nodded with a small smile while my eyes gloomy face faded in excitement before I tried to find a name that suits him. "Hmm.. uhm.. how about Yochan!?"

"Yochan?" He repeated after me. While I nodded with a smile.

"Do you like it, Yochan?"

Silence fills in as his eyes become watery, he headed down and nodded multiple times. "Yes.. yes.. thank you.."

I stare down at him quietly, feeling mixture of emotions wash through... With a slight chuckle, I tilted my head to side with a reassuring smile.

"Welcome..."

.......

.......

.......

Since that day we'd meet after school sneakily. I would skip my lunch and give the food to him. Even though he hesitate too much but it's never that hard.

Despite our troublesome life, We became true bestfriends of eachother and I'm really, really glad for our friendship.

"So your birthday is tomorrow?"  He asked finishing the lunch box while I nodded in response and looked up at him who was thinking something.

"Hmm... I see, let's meet tomorrow too!" He replied with a smile which made me chuckle softly.

"Okie..!" Said by me as I got up and grabbed my bag pack. "Then see you tomorrow!"

He nodded slowly before I took my leave from there. Feeling really happy by the thought of tomorrow... I hope.. it goes well unlike last year...

...Sigh... "Papa.. please come back home..."...

With those words inside my head, I stepped inside my house and saw mum on couch, sitting with that man, Victor. Without saying anything I turned to walk towards my room but mum stopped me with her word's. "Sweetie... Are you hiding something from me?"

I stopped and looked up at her in confusion before suddenly getting the idea if she meant about Yochan...but.. that's not possible then how..

"No..." I replied, looking down.

"Hah.. she's lying."  Said by that man who was leaning on the couch and that made mum glares down at me. I felt scared, as I tried to explain...

"Mumma..- I'm not!-"

"Sweetie... Please don't lie to me. Are you meeting with your dad? Is that it?" She asked sternly, cutting off my sentence in middle. While I was slightly surprised as she mentioned papa out of nowhere.

"P.. papa..?"

"Oh look, She still calls him that.. she's definitely lying." That guy interputs again which made me so anxious. I tried to take mum focus on me but she grabbed my shoulders and glares down at me.

"Listen here. Your father left you. Us. All alone. You shouldn't think about him anymore okay?" Her terrifying voice and gaze made me so scared that I lost words to reply.... Before she shaken me up by my shoulders.

"Answer me! Am I clear!? Do you understand?" She almost yelled which made me tear up in fear.. why mumma is behaving so scary.. I don't like it.. I don't.

With a nervous nod I look down in tears, sniffling quietly before she let go of my shoulders and pat on my head.

"Good. Now go to your room. Tomorrow is your birthday right? I'll buy your favourite things okay?"

I... Just nodded and ran to my room immediately, closing the door behind. The bag fell from my hand as I climbed on the the bed to hug my plushie tightly, sobbing and trembling. Why... Just why is this happening...? I don't like it... I don't!!!

.......

.......

.......

I felt my eyes went sore as I opened them after crying so much last night... Holding my plushie tight, I got up and looked out the window... "It's today... My birthday..."

With those nervous steps, I went downstairs slowly.. checking if the guy is still here but no... He is not. I sighed in relief and found mum in kitchen who was making breakfast as usual before her gaze landed on me.

"Oh.. sweetheart..!! Come here.. come to mumma..!" She invited me in a hug and I slowly accepted it quietly.

"My sweet little one.. happy birthday..!!" She kissed on my cheek and pat on my back so gently unlike yesterday...when she was looking so scary.. with a nervous gulp I nodded.

"Uhm..mm.. thank you.."

She smiled and caress the back of my head. "I'll buy you a lot of things today! You'll be very happy!"

I nodded again before she fed me food by her hand.

"Alright sweetie, mumma is going to shopping now. Need to get your favourite flavour cake too! Be good until I come back okay?" She asked, putting on her shoes while I stare up at her... I want to go with her but... Anyway...

"Okie..mumma.. come back fast." I murmured as she leaves, closing the door behind.

As she left, I went straight to the living room and turned on the tv to watch my favourite cartoon while hugging my plushie with the thought of going out as I need to see yochan today. But then..

...Suddenly the doorbell rings......

I paused and got up from the couch in confusion. "Eh... Is mumma back already?"

Asking myself I step towards the doorway and opened it but, my heartbeat stopped as I saw that tall man infront.

I stepped backwards immediately with a frown on face while he moved forward and kneels down to my level.

"Happy Birthday little one~" He smiled weirdly and moved his hand to pat my head but I moved back which made him chuckle in amusement.

"I was right... You don't like me at all..." He muttered and stood up, towering over me. Cause of his scary gaze my gripped around the plushie tighten in fear before I tried to move back but he...

Suddenly snatched my plushie and dig his nails into it. "You seems too much attached to this pathetic doll huh.. your father gave you this right?"

He asked glaring down at me.. I was too scared to speak. I wanted back my toy from his grip but.. I don't know how to... With a gulp I turned to run towards my room but he grabbed my arm tightly and pushed me onto the couch. I screamed and sob as I tried to push him away but his grip tighten more that I couldn't struggle more but cry in pain.

I could see him smiling so cruelly as he threw away my plushie on the ground and tried to tore my clothes. I feels so scared.. helpless.. mumma.. mumma please come..back.. please..

My eyes started to get blurry with those tears streaming down... All I could see is him over me... Before.. I heard.. I heard someone terrified voice...

I saw him moving away from me immediately as mumma came back... I didn't know what's going to happen anymore... I've had enough.. I'm tired..

My feet stomped out without any words.. even though I heard mum calling from behind.. but no.. I can't.. I can't.. I'm still trembling from head to toe... I can still feel his touch.. scary.. disgusting..

..."I don't like it" ..sobs.. "I DON'T..!!!!!"...

.......

.......

.......

The sun has set already... While I was sitting in a corner of the same alley... Waiting for him... But... Why isn't he coming..? Is he not going to come today...?

Hugging my knees tight as I sobs, the street light lit up and I noticed someone coming towards me. With a flinch I was about to get up but stopped when I finally saw the face...

"Y.. Yochan..." My tears flows out more before I got up and rushed towards him, hugging him tightly.

I could feel his exhausted heartbeat and tiredness from his body heat but yet he hugged me back. "Sorry.. I'm late.. is that why you're crying?"

Well... Whatever.. I just nodded, not breaking the hug at all before he chuckled and pat my head.

"There there.. I'm really sorry.. now come here..!" He broke the hug and made me took a seat on a paper before he took out a small packet from his pocket and placed it infront me.

I looked down... My heart pained as I saw the cake... while he looked down in guilt. "Sorry.. I couldn't get the big one.."

I chuckled, messing myself in tears more as he still felt guilty after putting so much efforts... Stupid...

"Thank you... Thank you so much..." I sobbed before feeling his wounded palm on my head as he whispered so gently with a smile.

"Happy Birthday..."

My heart ache with such feelings... All those scary thoughts faded away just like that... Before I heard him mumbling in disappointment as he forgot to bring a knife which made me laugh...

"It's okay... That's not needed..." I said calmly and used one of my finger to divide the cake while he stare at me with a big smile as he clapped his hands together and wished me again and again...

"...Yochan...thank you..." I muttered, sniffling quietly.. before he smiled and made me took a bite of the cake.

..."Wishing you the best happy birthday..."...

.......

.......

.......

On the next day, I found out.. that tall guy won't come back again... Never again... But still... Papa didn't come back... I wonder... Why...

...Well.......

As usual I was walking back home but went straight to the alley to see yochan but he wasn't there.. weird.. he always waits here for me...

That's when.. I heard people yelling on the main road as it seems like some accident happened... Even though.. I don't want to see the scene but still.. I stepped towards the direction and saw the two cars crashed together.. but whoever was inside are fine.. I thought that's all until...

"Gosh.. can't believe he'd get crashed like this.."

"Right.. he was running from those shop owners again and look what happened.. geez..."

Hearing their words.. I... finally noticed the body under the cars... Those same wounded palm... and scars...

..."Y-...Yochan..."...

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