chapter 10

The next month and a half passed without incident but also without progress. There were no good job prospects in her home area due to low population— she would have to go much farther, into the tourist areas, if she wanted work. Her father gave her that month's payment for the truck. She did wonder, from time to time, if killing herself was what she was supposed to do. She didn't want to die. She just didn't know how to live with the status quo. The looks she got from people in town that she didn't even know, all the whispering when she passed; it was too much. And the bits of conversation she overheard from her parents went from what to do for her to what to do about her. Something had to break.

Bella wanted to do the right thing. She really did. She just had no idea what that was.

....

The Fourth of July came. Normally this would have been one of the heights of the Bella's family social calendar. Her mother loved playing hostess. Every year, friends and family packed themselves into the back of their house and enjoyed a big barbecue. This year, the crowd was noticeably thinner and the leftover food would last them for days. Conspicuously absent were Connor's family. She had avoided the subject with her mother, so she didn't know what, if anything, had happened beyond the words exchanged at the funeral.

"Hope you didn't start the party without me," a familiar voice boomed out over the music. Damon went over and shared a hug with Carson, and for an all-too-brief, shining moment, it was like this time last year. Andrea hugged him too, looking grateful.

Bella remained in her favorite corner on the covered swing and watched. She had made an effort to clean herself up and be present, for her family's sake, but all she really wanted was to slink back into her room and hide. The arrival of Bella mitigated that feeling somewhat.

No one was talking to her. Not that she blamed them. She wouldn't have talked to her. She was the youngest adult present by several years. She was content to observe the small crowd, which seemed to mostly consist of her father's co-workers. That was fine with her, though. Trying to make light conversation was still beyond her abilities.

Her gaze eventually drifted back to Damon , who was deep in conversation with her father and a couple of guys. It was the first time she'd really seen him laugh since Connor's death. He looked like his old self again. Seeing him smile made her want to smile too.

Bella, if pressed, would have named Damon as the best looking man present by far. Just objectively speaking. It wasn't just his intensity or his size. More than once, she'd thought the brooding gentleness in his eyes and his square, stubbled jaw would have been well-suited to the pages of a pinup calendar. Even his long nose, broken and reset, added to his looks rather than detracted from them. His eyes shone with a fierce brightness. He always marked "Hazel" on government forms, but they looked bright gold when the sunlight hit them just right. She felt they enhanced his already primal, animalistic appeal.

Damon caught her staring. He sat in a folding chair, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, long necked beer suspended by two fingers between his legs. He returned her look with a lingering one of his own, followed by a dimpled grin and a wink. He smoothly picked up the conversation again without interruption. No one else seemed to have noticed the exchange.

Bella felt a warm flutter in her chest. Feeling slightly flushed, she hid her excitement, calmly rose from her spot, and quietly exited the party. Bella went upstairs and shut the door to her room behind her. What just happened? Bella wasn't so naive that she thought Damon was hitting on her, but it felt really good all the same. Why couldn't she find someone like him? Warm, steady, sexy as hell.

Several thoughts bubbled up all at once. Suddenly, she knew. 'Damon', Damon was the answer to everything.

She needed to show her good intentions toward the pack. She needed to show she meant well, that she was a productive member. She needed to make amends with his family and return honor to her own. Most people still remembered her from her very public tirade at the pack meeting where she was supposed to have agreed to the arrangement between Connor's family and hers. They didn't know the whole story. They didn't know how much she'd cared about Connor as a friend. They didn't know how dearly she just wanted to make everything right again.

But Damon... Damon had no mate of his own. She didn't know why, just that he'd never had one. As far as she knew, he'd never even had a steady girlfriend. Wait, was he asexual? Gay? Bella tried to think — no, a few years ago she'd overheard Damon talking to her father about a cocktail waitress he was seeing. The conversation had definitely not been meant for her ears. And he'd apparently given Connor a few tips for the bedroom, one of which she'd enjoyed very much. So, Damon enjoyed women. Why didn't he have anyone?

If she was Damon's mate, especially if she gave him children, that would fix everything. It didn't have to be a love match. She knew he cared about her and that was enough. But could she do it?

Her and Damon? The idea started a few pleasantly tipsy butterflies in her stomach as she recalled the times she'd caught him coming out of the shower in nothing but a towel. She could feel herself getting warm and wet at the thought already.

Bella tempered her fresh, excited feelings with a reality check. They'd never go for it. Not her family, not Damon. She couldn't just bring this idea up over Sunday dinner. Everyone would be embarrassed at the suggestion and things would be awkward forever. No, she'd need a plan. First, she had to know if Damon could even be attracted to her. Even if he was, he'd deny it, of course. Maybe if she convinced him her attraction to him was real...

Maybe she could just show up at his cabin.

..........

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