Dear Mom

'Sam' is a basic gender neutral name given to you in the story for better clarification. This story involves mature themes and graphic depiction. Read at your own risk.

‘Hey Mom, how are you? I’m fine, I think. I’m barely making it through college, and my boyfriend … we won’t talk about. I hope it’s peaceful where you are. I miss you everyday, but I know I can’t bring you back. I love you.’ 

I place the flowers on my mother’s grave and sighed, pushing myself on my knees back to stand straight up. I keep having some eerie feeling that I’m being watched, but no matter how many times I look around, I don’t see anyone. I feel like my mom is watching over me.

I head back home, my ankles way too sore to be walking this far. It’s already bad enough I have to walk from home to college to work almost everyday, but I wouldn’t miss my mom’s death anniversary for anything. As I’m walking back home, that same eerie feeling creeps back up on me. My anxiety spikes and I start walking faster.

I check back over my shoulder every few minutes, eventually slamming into someone in front of me. “Oof- sorry..”

“Jesus kid, watch where you’re going.” It was some uptight business man who quickly stormed off.

I turned into in alleyway to catch my breath and calm down. Just then, I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jerk my body around, facing the stranger. He had a pale complexion with severe bags under his eyes, black messy hair that stopped just below his ears, and an extremely slender frame. His slightly slouched posture didn’t help.

“Hey. Are you alright?”

I took a deep breath before replying, “Yes, I am. Thanks.”

“I saw that guy back there yell at you and I was hoping he didn’t make you upset.”

“Yea. Some people are just nasty.”

“….” He stayed silent with his hands behind his back. He seemed to awkward at social interaction.

“Erm. Are YOU okay?”

“Hm? Oh yeah! Haha… I just gotten taken aback by your beauty.”

My beauty? I hardly get compliments as it is and the only person who finds me even moderately attractive is my boyfriend… sometimes. I flustered to find the right words to say, feeling a small blush on my cheeks burn.

“O-oh uh… thanks haha.”

“Sorry if this is sudden, but can I buy you a coffee here?”

“Sorry but i-“ I paused briefly. Then shook my head. “Sure. I could use it.”

We both headed into the coffee shop, he bought both our coffees. I ordered an iced latte mocha, he ordered a plain black coffee. I raised my eyebrow at him as we took our seats, “You don’t like sugar or creamer?”

“Nope. Plain coffee is always my go-to.”

I chuckled lightly, sipping at my own drink. “Tell me more about yourself uh…”

“My name is Ash, Sam.”

I froze. When did I tell him my name? “Oh uh.. that’s a nice name.” I smiled nervously.

He smiled back and sipped at his drink. I must’ve told him and forget, I’ve been way too paranoid these days. He offered to walk me home but I declined, afraid of what my boyfriend may say. We exchanged numbers and I left in the direction of my apartment, texting my boyfriend as I did.

As soon I entered my apartment, I felt a big hand grab my arm and throw me against the floor. I coughed and looked back up with tear filled eyes. “Ow..”

“For fucks sake, Sam. You’ve been gone for 4 hours and I have no booze. What the **** were you doing?! Cheating on me?!”

“No. I told you, I visited my mom’s grave-“ I was interrupted with a strike to my cheek that knocked me back again. I allowed tears to fall out of my eyes.

“Dumb *****. Go get booze.” He spit in my direction and left the room. I left the apartment with a depressed feeling.

I entered the corner store with a huge red mark on my face, everyone was whispering but no one actually cared.  I heard a familiar voice as I entered the alcohol isle. “Hey, Sam! Fancy seeing you here!”

I turned to see Ash, who had a bottle of whiskey in his hand. I smiled wryly and nodded. “Yeah, hey..”

He saw my cheek and it looked like an angry expression, as his hand tightened around the bottle. But when I looked up straight at him, it was gone. I must’ve been going insane. “Are you okay? You’re not as cheery as you were earlier.”

“Ah, yeah. Just, personal stuff.” I fought to hold back tears, looking for my boyfriends usual spirit. I grabbed the cheap brand of vodka and went to check out, Ash just behind me. We exited the store in unison, he didn’t start walking just yet.

“Are you sure you’re alright? I’m a good shoulder to cry on.”

“If I can even reach your shoulder,” I joked to raise both of our moods, and Ash was incredibly tall too.

He smiled and patted my head. “Just be safe walking home, mkay?”

I nodded back and turned my heel to start walking in the direction of my apartment. I didn’t hear Ash’s footsteps but I didn’t really have the energy to care. I opened the front door to find my boyfriend was not home, probably having sex with someone else. He was a major hypocrite about it.

I laid on the couch and put the vodka on the table, switching on the TV and soon after falling asleep. Not long after falling asleep I hear the front door open, my boyfriend and some other woman enter. They ignore me and just go to his room, closing the door.

A few moments pass, and he exits his room again. Grabbing the vodka, he leans close into my face. “I’m going to **** her. And you won’t say shit about being my girlfriend. I’m gonna even let her wear your clothes. And you’re not going to interfere.” He smacked my head as he turned to go back in his bedroom, locking it. He installed that lock a week after we moved in together, and I never dared enter his bedroom.

I could hear the woman moaning, and took it as my queue to ******* leave. I didn’t bother locking the apartment behind me, walking aimlessly just to get away from it all. I pulled out my phone and stared at Ash’s contact for several minutes, before finally gathering the courage to call him.

“Hey! What’s up?”

“Um .. can i.. come over?” I felt my voice break as I choked on tears, trying desperately to hold them back.

“Yeah of course! Hey are you okay?”

“Ngh.. sniff. N..no..”

“Just stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.”

I hear the beep, signifying that he hung up. I curled up in a ball on the sidewalk and started sobbing it out, letting it escape after so long.

Suddenly I hear a car engine, it was Ash in a black car. The car wasn’t exactly newer, but it ran and that was good enough. “Come on, let me help you.”

He offers a hand and I use it to stand up, suddenly he scoops me up with little effort. “W-woah! You don’t need to carry me.”

“Nonsense. A lovely person such as yourself shouldn’t have to walk when they’re upset.”

I stayed silent to hide my embarrassment and buried my face in his neck as he carried me to the passenger door. He opened it and set me on the seat, doing my seat buckle as well. I sat there silently, while he sat in the driver’s side.

As I relaxed, I felt something warm and wet press against my cheek. “Hey!!”

“Sorry, you were too cute not to smooch.”

I hide my face in my hands and sigh. Too tired to give a shit. I fell asleep in the car quickly.

I’m running. But what I am running towards? I see my mom. I reach my arm out toward her, running again. Suddenly a dark monster entity appears, swallowing me whole.

My body jerks up, I am sweating and panting with tears in my eyes as I realize I had another nightmare.

“Are you okay?”

I see Ash, sitting on a desk with his PC, he was turned back looking at me.

“I’m.. I’m okay..  I think.” I rubbed my head and eyes, still adjusting to the light.

“You were talking and trembling in your sleep.” He came over and pulled me into a comforting hug. “I hate that you’re in pain. I wish I could help.”

I allowed him to hug me, sinking into his arms. It felt honestly good, I yearned for a hug like this for so long.

“You’re safe here, sugar.”

I look around, still waking up to my surroundings. “did you bring me in here when I fell asleep?”

“Yeah sorry, didn’t want to wake you. You seemed like you needed the rest.”

Honestly I did. I looked around the place some more, realizing we were in his room and I was sleeping on his bed. It was a twin, but it still was comfortable, better than sleeping on the futon. I added to switch on the TV and he let me, as he left the room to get us food.

The TV was already on the news, and they were covering a murder that happened last night.

“Josh Beckin, dead at 24. The main suspect is Sam Lunis, his girlfriend or Carrie Flynn, the woman he was seen with the night of his death. Details coming later as they’re updated.” I immediately switched off the TV, my heart pounding. MY boyfriend.. died?

I didn’t know how to feel. I wasn’t sad, mad, or happy. I was just… empty. Like usual. Part of me wondered if I too, would be dead right now if I had stayed home rather than leaving.

“Here you are, dear. Eggs and bacon. Your favorite.”

How did he know my favorite breakfast? But I was grateful for the food anyways. “Thank you, Ash.”

He sat down next me and ate along with me. Silently, we chewed. I looked over at him and he looked nervous and shy, as if he’s never had an interaction with his crushes before. It was kind of cute if I was being honest.

“So, uh. Tell me about yourself.”

“Mm,” he paused eating and looked as if he was in thought. “My family is dead, I don’t have any friends.. My main job is proof reading. Occasionally I write stories. I keep to myself, really. But I enjoy going into town every week.”

Wow. He shared a lot for someone he just met. “I’m.. kind of the same. My boyf- my ex, I mean, didn’t let me see people nor did he let me leave the apartment hardly. I could only go to work and back. He drove all my friends away…” was it okay to say he beat me? I mean he’s dead now.. but I don’t know. I pondered for a minute. “He um… he used to … hit me.”

Ash paused, but finished chewing his food. He didn’t even look shocked. “Wow.. asshole.. if I was there I would’ve taken you away from it all.”

I didn’t know whether find that flattering or creepy, but it comforted me knowing he cared this much. I quickly snuck a kiss on his cheek, “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

His hand touched where I kissed, and he smiled widely. He pulled my hand close to his lips and pecked it tenderly. “Let me solve all your problems for you… Let me take care of you,” Ash's hot breath tickled my ear as he leaned in, pressing his lips on my neck.

“Ash,” I didn’t know if I truly wanted this, but it’s been so long since I’ve been satisfied. My ex wouldn’t ever let me finish. My hand tangled in his hair as he planted more kisses down my neck, stopping above my chest.

“I promise I’ll treat you like a god,” Suddenly his phone starts ringing, he scrambles to answer it.

I wait there patiently, still slightly flustered from the intimate moment.

“Sorry, I gotta go. Let me walk you home,”

“No, I’m alright. Thank you though.”

Normally I would’ve accepted the offer, but I couldn’t really go back to my place until it’s cleaned and not considered a crime scene anymore. Instead, I head in early for work. Some early hours could get my mind off everything.

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