Episode 5

I will thank you, B.F., to bring down two books, of which I will mark the places on this slip of paper.(While he is gone, I may say that this boy, our land-lady's youngest, is called BENJAMINFRANKLIN, after the celebrated philosopher of that name.A highly merited compliment.)I wished to refer to two eminent authorities.Now be so good as to listen.The great moralist says: "To trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence.He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the paternal till without remorse, and repeat the banquet of Saturn without an indigestion."And, once more, listen to the historian."The Puritans hated puns.

The Bishops were notoriously addicted to them.The Lords Temporal carried them to the verge of license.Majesty itself must have its Royal quibble.'Ye be burly, my Lord of Burleigh,' said Queen Elizabeth, 'but ye shall make less stir in our realm than my Lord of Leicester.' The gravest wisdom and the highest breeding lent their sanction to the practice.Lord Bacon playfully declared himself a descendant of 'Og, the King of Bashan.Sir Philip Sidney, with his last breath, reproached the soldier who brought him water, for wasting a casque full upon a dying man.A courtier, who saw Othello performed at the Globe Theatre, remarked, that the blackamoor was a brute, and not a man.'Thou hast reason,' replied a great Lord, 'according to Plato his saying; for this be a two-legged animal WITH feathers.' The fatal habit became universal.

The language was corrupted.The infection spread to the national conscience.Political double-dealings naturally grew out of verbal double meanings.The teeth of the new dragon were sown by the Cadmus who introduced the alphabet of equivocation.What was levity in the time of the Tudors grew to regicide and revolution in the age of the Stuarts."Who was that boarder that just whispered something about the Macaulay-flowers of literature? - There was a dead silence.- Isaid calmly, I shall henceforth consider any interruption by a pun as a hint to change my boarding-house.Do not plead my example.

If I have used any such, it has been only as a Spartan father would show up a drunken helot.We have done with them.

- If a logical mind ever found out anything with its logic? - Ishould say that its most frequent work was to build a PONS ASINORUMover chasms which shrewd people can bestride without such a structure.You can hire logic, in the shape of a lawyer, to prove anything that you want to prove.You can buy treatises to show that Napoleon never lived, and that no battle of Bunker-hill was ever fought.The great minds are those with a wide span, which couple truths related to, but far removed from, each other.

Logicians carry the surveyor's chain over the track of which these are the true explorers.I value a man mainly for his primary relations with truth, as I understand truth, - not for any secondary artifice in handling his ideas.Some of the sharpest men in argument are notoriously unsound in judgment.I should not trust the counsel of a smart debater, any more than that of a good chess-player.Either may of course advise wisely, but not necessarily because he wrangles or plays well.

The old gentleman who sits opposite got his hand up, as a pointer lifts his forefoot, at the expression, "his relations with truth, as I understand truth," and when I had done, sniffed audibly, and said I talked like a transcendentalist.For his part, common sense was good enough for him.

Precisely so, my dear sir, I replied; common sense, AS YOUUNDERSTAND IT.We all have to assume a standard of judgment in our own minds, either of things or persons.A man who is willing to take another's opinion has to exercise his judgment in the choice of whom to follow, which is often as nice a matter as to judge of things for one's self.On the whole, I had rather judge men's minds by comparing their thoughts with my own, than judge of thoughts by knowing who utter them.I must do one or the other.

It does not follow, of course, that I may not recognize another man's thoughts as broader and deeper than my own; but that does not necessarily change my opinion, otherwise this would be at the mercy of every superior mind that held a different one.How many of our most cherished beliefs are like those drinking-glasses of the ancient pattern, that serve us well so long as we keep them in our hand, but spill all if we attempt to set them down! I have sometimes compared conversation to the Italian game of MORA, in which one player lifts his hand with so many fingers extended, and the other gives the number if he can.I show my thought, another his; if they agree, well; if they differ, we find the largest common factor, if we can, but at any rate avoid disputing about remainders and fractions, which is to real talk what tuning an instrument is to playing on it.

- What if, instead of talking this morning, I should read you a copy of verses, with critical remarks by the author? Any of the company can retire that like.

ALBUM VERSES.

When Eve had led her lord away, And Cain had killed his brother, The stars and flowers, the poets say, Agreed with one anotherTo cheat the cunning tempter's art, And teach the race its duty, By keeping on its wicked heart Their eyes of light and beauty.

A million sleepless lids, they say, Will be at least a warning;And so the flowers would watch by day, The stars from eve to morning.

On hill and prairie, field and lawn, Their dewy eyes upturning, The flowers still watch from reddening dawn Till western skies are burning.

Alas! each hour of daylight tells A tale of shame so crushing, That some turn white as sea-bleached shells, And some are always blushing.

But when the patient stars look down On all their light discovers, The traitor's smile, the murderer's frown, The lips of lying lovers,They try to shut their saddening eyes, And in the vain endeavour We see them twinkling in the skies, And so they wink forever.