A Heart Without Home 1: Heart Tightening Past

() is expressions I might not add thought but I'll let you all know if i do Actions will be explained by the 'Aside' option

It was late when i returned home

As always my mom left on a work trip, she left me a small note on the shoe cabinet

I didn't feel like reading it...My mind wasn't clear that time

I just stumble my way to my room and flop on my bed

I reach for my journal which was placed on top of the cabinet

I lay on my bed and flip through the pages till i stopped on one page

August 13, 20--

A date i probably won't forget for the rest of my life

I start reading through the page..

August 13, 20-- Dear me from the future Today's night will probably go down in history of Ven Isaac Highschool and College, Today's party was lit! not only us 1st years the 2nd and 3rd year seniors also came! It was great, There were so many food and drinks plus the Seniors adore us like babys! I met a new friend today too! His name is Mark, he is a 2nd year. He is so cool and lit! I wasn't surprised when i heard he was popular because he was so handsome and nice! We added eachother on wechat, And and like He said i look like a playboy...i don't know if it was a insult but the way he said it is just...Ahhh i am going crazy!! I had a great night tonight though i was mostly with Brother Mark, he told me to call him bro or brother because he is older than me...Though it was weird at first i git used to it. Thats all i have to write today, i am very sleepy and tired right now and tomorrow is that stupid math teacher's class...I hate her soo muchhh she clearly doesn't like me aswell but meh I don't care -Yours, Jake

I closed the journal, something seems to drown my heart...it was as if it was chocking me..

I wipe my tears slowly and take a few deep breathes

It was intoxicating for me to read those...but i still did, over and over again

Maybe i expected too much?

Jake

Hah~ Its rather annoying how you confesses first, made the first move and left first

Jake

Its as if your always first...

I sigh at my own words as i slowly remember that day...

Mark

I am sorry but its just that i have moved on

Jake

Oh... Its okay though, hope it doesn't ruin our friendship..

I managed to say...Holding back those tears which wanted to burst..

Mark

I don't think i can remain friends with you... specially after everything, lets just forget everything and just become strangers? exactly like how we were...Before we met at the party

Jake

oh...its okay, i won't stop you

Mark

Thank you for understanding Jake

Jake

yea...but can i know the reason?

Mark

Oh that, i just feel out of love with you...like not how i used to fell, its rather a different feeling...a feeling i felt like to break, so its better if we separate

Mark

Maybe we weren't ever just meant to be together? Thats probably it

I clenched on my shirt and slowly force a soft smile

Jake

i understand Senior...I won't every come back in your life and make you feel that feeling you hate again

Jake

If thats all... I'd head home, my mom's waiting for me

Mark

Okay, bye

Jake

I try my best to walk slowly but i couldn't...

I just ran

It was 9:33 pm now...I was sitting in the park bench

It had been raining for a few hours now...

Thank god it was, atleast it hid all those tears i shed

My mom never called me...she isn't even there for me that much

i just wanted to burst into tear...cry my heart out

My eyes were hurting right now...my nose was watery

It still felt so hard to breathe...so hard that i could feel my self suffocate

Jake

Why...why? If you knew you would move on then why play with me?

Jake

Why tell me you like me?

Jake

Why...Why just steal my first kiss...my first love and a spot in my heart that it still beated so fast when i think of you?

Jake

Its fûcking painful....So painful that i cant bare it..i just cant

I kept on sobbing on the bench...

I was getting lots of stares but i dared not bother...

My heart was in so much pain that my mind stoppid working...

I feel my heart tighten again as i remember those memories...

Its painful

I still have to see him...

i have to attend events which include him..

I bet he find me pitful

Jake

i should just sleep now...I have important classes tomorrow

Jake

Atleast that math teacher isn't teaching us this year

I say that sarcastically, trying to light up my own mood

It was 3:58 am right now...i just can't stop thinking about that he thinks...was i jsut a toy to him...? what will the one person that is there at my worst think of me if he finds out? Probably a *****...

it was annoying how i care so much, wish i could change myself

Jake

Maybe i can try dating? That way i can forget him

Jake

But...I can't play qith someone else for my own needs...they have a heart too

I kept on muttering stuff to myself before who knows when i fell asleep

To be continued...