First page. Or even last.

Why? Why has it need to be like this? I cry everyday till my eyes get dry asking you why? Will it ever get better? Why Do you even created me to be the disappointment of those who loves me. What did i ever do wrong to disearve this? I used to say You are love. A caring and kind God who forgive the sinners and answer prayers. You are the only real God. I said that to myself and the others and try my best in spreading your Gospel. But even so,i still cant find the reason why you make things this way. aren't you just! You said it yourself that you deserves justice! Why??! Why!!? Why do i have to be the disappointment of everything when others have the the fullest why did you make me fail and silly? Take away the person i can rely the most on earth. My god in earth. Snd forcing me to choose this path where i do my best and in the end ...you did not fullfil your promises. Dear Lord,please take my life right now and right here before my life become a living hell, before i live like those whom i despised and tried to preach your gospel to.

Why didn't you fulfill your goddamn promise that you had! You wrote it yourself. Promised to fulfill what we ask in the name.of Jesus Christ if it is to praise you or something that is for you. something good.. Even so,why?

I don't want to live them i beg you. Please please. Please! Please!!

*sigh*

I dont even know anymore if this is gonna be my first or last bargain with you. All i ever wish for was to make them proud and to preach your gospel.

If i take my life i will go to hell. I know that. And if things gets hard i used to handle them well. But now i am just a dirt. If there was another chance..i don't even know how i am gonna face them anymore. I am small and my dreams are small compared to you.

I have a question for you. Are you happy? You you happy seeing me like this! You lier! You..you loved me. I loved you. I tell you everyday and so the things i need to even though i cannot be the best oftentimes But i did. I did it all for you. Are you happy now? Seeing me cry and heartbroken. Okay. I get it. Maybe you don't care. Only my pillow knows just how much tears had been shud. It was better. The pain was better and more easier to endure when you gave me physical pain then this heartbreak. And you have said it. In your book of words. That is holy. That tells me and all your followers what to do. You predicted that this could happen and now! Now! it happens! What am I supposed to do! Tell me!

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