003 FEAR

"Mom?" I repeated in fearful panic as I gazed blankly at the empty hospital bed.

I was too late.

A heart-wrenching sob broke from my lips as I ran a finger against the crumpled sheets. "No!" I choked out in a hoarse whisper.

"Honey… Is that you?" A soft whisper broke through my thoughts. I jumped in response and ran to where the voice came from.

I found mom seated on the single sofa at the far corner of the room, her frail form leaning on the pillow behind her back.

"Mom!" I sobbed and wrapped her thin frame into my arms, feeling the comforting warmth of her body against my cold palms.

I nearly passed out from fear, thinking that she finally lost her fight with stage three cancer.

Dad passed away years ago due to chronic illness, and I still had not recovered from that loss. The thought of losing my mom next scared me beyond belief.

"I-I thought! I-I thought you—" My tears gushed forth as I knelt in front of her. I could barely breathe while I held her in my arms.

My arms tightened around her, fearing that she would disappear if I let her go. "I'm not going away, honey." She said softly as though she was able to read my thoughts. She gently brushed my hair with her thin fingers. "I will never leave you, even if I die I will always be your guardian angel." She added which made me sob harder.

I could bear losing my husband, but losing Mom would mean taking away the air I breathe. Mom continued to wipe my tears with her trembling fingers, holding me tight as I wept. When my gaze shifted to her face, I caught the tears sparkling in her eyes but she didn't cry, perhaps she wanted me to see how strong she was in spite of her condition.

Her strength made me feel stronger too.

When my emotions finally subsided, I removed my arms around her. I could breathe a lot more freely now that I had cried out my hurt and anger with Mom's support.

"I don't really want to see you crying, Phoenix. It pains me to see such beautiful eyes of yours wet with tears. I have allowed you to cry today but I won't permit it next time." Mom told me as she lifted her thin hands, and framed my cheeks in her palms. Her eyes glowed with love as they surveyed my face, as if she's trying to memorize each detail. After a long moment of silence she finally spoke, her tone soft and comforting as she asked me the question I knew would emerge from her lips.

"Did you and Ace have a fight?"

I swallowed deeply and pursed my lips into a thin line. Unwilling to answer the question, I held her wrinkled hands and wrapped them with my own. "We did not, Mom." I lied so as to not burden her with bad news.

"You did." She said, so sure of herself. "You can't lie to me, Phoenix. Your eyes speak the truth." She added with a faint glow of understanding in her eyes.

There's no use hiding the truth against the woman who knew me better than anyone else, I finally told her that Ace asked for a divorce.

I waited for her to tell me I was crazy for begging my husband to stay but instead of criticizing me, my Mom looked at me with kindness and understanding.

"You will never be happy unless you let go of the things that make you sad. While it will be difficult to move on, there's no use holding on to the love which wasn't yours anymore." Mom lifted her fingers and touched my face, that's when I realized tears were once again, drifting down my cheeks.

"I did exactly that mom, I set him free."

"You did the right thing honey, You're a strong woman and I'm so proud of you." Mom's lips curved into a blissful smile that melted my heart. She tenderly caressed my messy hair while gently untangling the knots.

"So stop crying, you didn't lose anything tonight. Instead you regained your freedom and self-respect." She added, staring at my different coloured eyes with love. My left eye was seagreen, while my right eye had the colour of honey, a rare eye condition called Heterochromia Iridis.

The softness of her tone stopped my tears. I got up from the floor, and gently lifted my Mom up from the sofa.

"It's already late Mom, it's time for you to sleep. I'll be here to celebrate your birthday tomorrow."

She made no protests. Mom was so light that I had no difficulty transferring her from the sofa to the bed. It didn't take long for Mom to drift off to sleep. I listened to her soft snores as I watched the steady rise and fall of her chest.

"I love you." I whispered and kissed her on the cheek. My lips stretched into a smile as I heard her respond 'I love you too' in her sleep.

I then sat on the single sofa and reached for the guitar leaning against the wall. The guitar was my baby, it was a gift from Mom when I was eighteen. I cherished it dearly.

I strummed the strings, and a comforting warmth spread throughout me as I heard the magical sounds.

I began to sing a soft, sad song of goodbye to the only man I ever loved, even if he wasn't here to listen. Eventually, I fell asleep, exhausted from the day's events.

I dreamt of Ace, and in my dreams he loved me. But then my hazy, happy dreams were awakened by a loud frantic yell.

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