chapter 1

The wind whips past Taehyung in icy gusts as he makes his way onto the bridge. He can feel the cold seep through his parka and into his bones. Even with his hood up, his hair still manages to fly in his face.

It’s a weekday in the middle of winter, so there aren’t many people around. All the residents are at work, all the tourists are at home. He notices a police officer walking up and down the pedestrian path, making sure everything is alright. It’s the same officer he sees every year. He’s come to recognize the officer. But he doubts the officer recognizes him. He probably sees hundreds of people every week.

Taehyung finds the familiar spot on the bridge that he has come to every year for the past 4 years. He knows that this spot is partially obscured by one of the support beams and is therefore a little less windy than other parts of the bridge. Sometimes he wonders why you chose this spot. It’s like you knew he would be coming here and you wanted to protect from the cold. Maybe it was just because you couldn’t make it any further. 

“Everything alright, sir?”

He jumps at the sudden presence behind him. It’s the officer. “Yes,” Taehyung replies and then turns back around to face the bay.

“You know, if you need to talk, that’s what we’re here for.”

The man speaks a little too fast for him to understand, but Taehyung knows enough english to get the gist of it. He simply smiles and nods and the officer leaves him be.

Leaning against the railing, Taehyung stuffs a gloved hand into his pocket and feels for the crumpled up piece of paper inside. He pulls it out and unfolds it. He stares at the glossy image of you before him, your eyes crinkled and your lips spread wide in a grin.

“Y/N…” He sighs. “There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss you.” He hasn’t started crying yet, which is a new record for him. Usually the tears start falling the second he steps onto the bridge.

“For a long time I was mad at myself. ‘How did I not see it coming?’ I would ask myself. ‘Why didn’t I do anything to stop it?’ I know I shouldn’t have thought these things. You were all the way in America. How would I have known from Korea?” Tears start pooling in his eyes, blurring his vision and falling slowly down his cheeks.

“There are things that I still regret, though. I regret being so busy and never getting to see you. I regret all those times I had to end our phone calls because my schedules got in the way. I regret not being there for you when you needed me. I know it’s dumb but I regret helping you convince mom and dad to let you move to America. I regret not being the big brother I should have been.

“Am I even a big brother anymore, now that you’re gone? You’re still my little sister, so I will continue to be a big brother.“  

Taehyung smiles through his tears. "We won our first Daesang last month. I wish you could have been there to see it. The members were so happy, we all cried. But I also cried because you weren’t there. You weren’t there for my debut either, but that’s okay. When you left us, none of us were sure that I would even get to debut. But I finally did it! And now we’re winning all these awards and we have a tour in America soon. I hope you’re proud of me.  

“People keep saying you’re in a better place now. I sure hope so. Especially since you didn’t seem to like it very much here.” He lets out a half hearted chuckle.

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